If your kids are behaving badly treat them like a dog, says Battersea Dogs Home behaviour expert

It’s a common scenario for many a harassed mother - you’re in the supermarket and your little darling starts playing up.

But forget the naughty step or cool-off corner.

The best way to handle misbehaving toddlers is to treat them like a dog, according to advice from a leading animal charity.

They claim that, because young children and animals are unable to communicate verbally, both need to be shown what is and is not acceptable behaviour.

Pat Moore, deputy head of behaviour at Battersea Dogs & Cats Home, said: ‘Becoming a dog owner or a new parent puts people under pressure.

‘Neither puppies nor toddlers can be expected to immediately know how to behave in certain situations and need clear, consistent guidance.

This works on the theory that rewarding good behaviour - through verbal praise, physical affection or treats such as sweets and toys - is far more effective than punishing bad behaviour.

The charity’s advice, which is revealed in next week’s Paws magazine, adds that controlling how often these treats are given and matching the ‘value’ of the reward to behaviour is also important.

‘When training the dogs at Battersea we use a mixture of rewards including tasty treats for really good behaviour,’ the article says.

‘If you use the best treats all the time - such as a chew - it loses its value and isn’t so attractive.

”While we aren’t child psychologists, it seems that parents should act in a similar way, keeping a range of rewards for different circumstances.

‘Behaving well on a shopping trip may result in a trip to the playground or a packet of sweets - it wouldn’t usually mean buying a very expensive toy.’

If a child is possessive about their toys, in the same a dog can be with a ball, the key is to distract their attention by exchanging the item for something equally tempting.

Attention-seeking behaviour also needs to be dealt with consistently.

One frazzled mother who worked from home found her daughter had a tantrum every time she was told to be quiet during a conference call.

Instead of bribing the girl with toys or sweets, the woman was advised to use dog handling techniques instead.

Alison Russell, another behaviourist at Battersea, said: ‘When we have a dog, for example, that jumps up and barks to get attention, we try to avoid the behaviour in the first place by setting up a game with them well ahead of time.

‘The important thing is not to interact with them when they are behaving badly as they will start to play up just to get your attention.

‘Dogs mature far more quickly into adulthood than humans but both species have a “socialising” period and it is in this early stage that they form an impression of the world and how to cope with it.

‘Child psychology and dog behaviour are, of course, complex and very individual subjects but there are also some startling similarities between them which can be tackled with simple behavioural techniques.’

Sue Atkins, parenting coach and author of Raising Happy Children for Dummies, said that - in basic terms - she agreed with the advice.

‘It’s an interesting question and I have laughed at times about the similarities between puppies and children,’ she added.

‘In the sense of who’s in control and knowing what you want to communicate, I would agree with what is being said.

‘Obviously you don’t want to take the analogy too far, but on a basic level you can make comparisons.’

There’s a good boy

Helen Tennant, 39, lives with her two-year-old son Archie in South West London.

She said: ‘I was in the office at Battersea Dogs & Cats Home discussing the problem I was having with my son Archie, who was then 16 months old.

‘Basically, he was very possessive over his toys and wouldn’t give them up even when it was bed or bath time.

‘It was becoming a real struggle to get his favourite toy, a digger, off him.

‘One of the behaviourists suggested I try the same training methods they used, where they exchanged a dog’s toy for something else.

‘At bed time, I made fuss of an alternative toy - a teddy - and it worked like a dream.

‘Archie lost interest in his digger straight away and insisted on taking the teddy to bed with him instead.’

Source: Mail on Sunday, UK
http://tinyurl.com/6aqu6w

When it comes to fruits and vegetables, kids can be picky.

“I like blueberries and blackberries,” says toddler Brady Lawrence.
“We tried red raspberries,” adds his mother, Kristen Lawrence of the North HIlls. But Brady didn’t like them.

Having a grandchild who doesn’t like vegetables worries this grandma.

“I think it’s good for children to get a more rounded diet,” says Arlene McCray of the North Hills. “But his dad wasn’t a good eater, either.”

Children are more likely to eat fruits and vegetables if their parents do, according to a study of more than 1,300 families in the journal Preventive Medicine.

“Children, like adults, will eat what’s available when they’re hungry,” says Dr. Goutham Rao, an obesity expert at Children’s Hospital’s Weight Management Center.

All of the families were in a parenting skills program. With five one-hour long home visits, half the families also got extra education in nutrition. They learned about how to get kids to eat fruits and vegetables. They ate the food in front of the children and allowed them to choose which ones they wanted to eat.

“The way they did it is just too expensive. We couldn’t do that here,” says Dr. Rao about this intense approach.

This group had a higher fruit and vegetable intake — for both the parents and the children.

“I think it’s better to do it through the schools, and actually incorporate it into school curricula, with something the kids can take home to their parents, to educate the parents as well,” Dr. Rao suggests.

There was no increase in fondness for fruits and vegetables for children who were already overweight. “There’s a critical period where kids develop their tastes and preferences, and that’s between age 2 to 5 or so. As they get older, it gets extremely hard to change that. And fruits and vegetables just don’t appeal to them,” the doctor explains.

He recommends that parents start introducing vegetables and other healthy foods as early as possible. Try them over again at a later time if your child spits it out at first. Gradually changing the diet by swapping a less healthy food with a more healthy choice, one at a time, can be helpful if your child has already made his or her favorites clear.

Source: KDKA, PA
http://kdka.com/seenon/Children.fruit.parents.2.803678.html

About a month ago, I was shopping at the market when I came upon a woman smacking her young son. “I don’t ever want to see you hit your sister again,” she warned him. Apparently, the lad had walloped his (now-crying) sibling, which led to the mother’s admonition.

I don’t usually interfere with parents disciplining their kids unless I think that it’s crossing the line into abuse (or neglect), but I did make a mental note of the situation. If we were to dissect this scene, what part of it seemed incongruent? Surely, the mother was being reasonable in reprimanding her son for hitting his sister. But to make her point, she hit her son! I just didn’t comprehend how she didn’t see the inconsistency of her message, as well as the correlation between her behavior and that of her son’s.

This point was drilled home to me when a friend recently sent me a video called “Children See, Children Do.” It’s a powerful reminder that, in every sense, parents model the way for their children. Of course, we tend to think of role models in positive terms, as people who enrich our lives and teach us important lessons and values. But in truth, role models work both ways, showing good and bad behavior that kids pick up on. You need only look at rap artists or young celebrities out of control to realize that even if you don’t approve of the content of their songs or the antics of their lives, your kids quite possibly may be emulating them. How many girls thought it was “cool” when 15-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears became pregnant or when Mylie Cyrus posed provocatively on her MySpace page.

It’s no different for parents. Since parents are the strongest role model a child has, what you do matters - a lot. In fact, everything that you do, your children see and, most likely, will end up doing, as well. From screaming at the car that cut you off in traffic to lying to a friend to get out of dinner plans, your child takes it all in and considers it acceptable behavior.

Modeling the way is one of my favorite parenting principles. It’s a relatively simple concept to understand but far more difficult in practice. After all, as flawed souls ourselves, we do act inappropriately at times, especially when we’re angry, upset or anxious. We carry prejudices and biases that at times can be hard to mask. We have behaviors - whether it’s smoking, drinking or speaking negatively of others - of which we’re not proud. We don’t want our children to pick up on our bad habits, traits and behavior. But children take it all in and, seeing us as their primary role model, regardless of whether you tell them it’s bad or not (the old “do as I say, not as I do” mentality), they’re going to think it’s OK to model that negative behavior or attitude.

It’s hard being a parent. We all know that. But it’s also a privilege. Pay attention to your less desirable conduct, habits or attitudes. They all translate into messages that your kids, as your primary audience, are receiving. If you aren’t proud of them yourself, or if you don’t wish for others to see these behaviors in play, chances are that you shouldn’t let your children observe them either.

Step up to be the best parent you can be. And when you make a mistake, such as losing your temper or not following through on something you say you’ll do, be sure to admit the mistake to your child. A child hearing his or her parent say, “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that,” is a powerful thing. It tells your child: “We’re human and fallible, but we do our best, and when we fall short, we admit it.” And a parent who communicates that just may be the ultimate role model.

Source: DetNews.com, MI
http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080826/OPINION03/808260378

As a child safety measure in the car, its importance could never be underplayed.

Researchers, however, yesterday warned that the convenience of the portable car baby seat is having some far less desirable effects.

They claim many parents are using the chairs to also restrain infants in the home, which in turn is damaging their development.

Such ‘cotton wool’ treatment later leads to poor concentration in the classroom because children’s reflexes have not been sufficiently developed, they say.

The researchers from Liverpool John Moores University examined 120 children aged ten and 11 at a school in West Yorkshire.

The youngsters were given tests in reading, non-verbal reasoning and shortterm memory and split into four groups.

One group took part in a specially designed movement programme, the second did sound therapy, the third did both programmes and the fourth did neither.

The movement programme involved 40 minutes of simple exercises, twice a week, for eight months within normal PE lessons.

Activities included crawling on a mat, hand-to-eye exercises and playground games such as skipping. Eight months later, all 120 children were re-tested.

The children who took part in the movement programme performed ’significantly better’ overall in comparison to the children who did not. Their reading, memory and general reasoning had all improved.

‘People are trying to be too safe but they are causing further problems.’

Meanwhile, the separate music programme involved children listening to classical music through headphones for 30 minutes a day over eight weeks.

The music was filtered to create higher frequencies to help boost the auditory processes, which is the speed at which one can process what’s being heard.

At the end of the experiment, the children performed better in reading than those who had not taken part in the music programme.

‘The Government should consider using movement programmes in schools to iron out difficulties children might have.’

Source: Daily Mail, UK
http://tinyurl.com/69anux

Reporters can be a tad obnoxious at dinner parties. We’re experts on everything for about five minutes. But parenting good students? I won’t even begin to pretend. So I turn to those in the know: teachers.

Helena Van Rooyen recently retired from academe after 40 years, most spent at the Hacienda La Puente Unified School District. But she isn’t done helping students, as she is working on a project for the district, helping at-risk second- through fifth-graders improve their math skills.

Melinda Anaya is a well-loved kindergarten teacher at Holy Angels School in Arcadia, where she’s taught for eight years. My two nieces, ages 13 and 10, adore her and remember how fun her classroom was. My own 6-year-old cried on the last day of school because he said he’ll miss her. (Don’t show this to him when he’s 16, please.)

I posed this question to them: What should parents of young children be doing now in the run-up to school? And what we can do throughout the year to help our kids succeed?

Van Rooyen stated it simply: “Just be a parent.”

“That means, get involved in your child’s learning, teach (and live) consistency, respect for authority and for peers, the meaning of the word `no,’ fairness and that there are choices,” she said.

And not to put undue pressure on you, but what we’re doing with our kinders now will echo through the years.

“I do think that the primary grades are the most important,” Anaya said. “This is when they begin to develop their work habits and everything is a new learning experience.”

The good habits we help instill in our pre-K and kindergarteners are the foundation to that perfect SAT score later on. (OK, just a 2,300.)

So herewith, homework for us parents on how to grow good students:

Forget the preaching. Instill a love for learning by providing kids with a model. Don’t just tell kids to read when you never read or to be nice and not fight when all you do is scream.

Play learning games, even simple ones like name everything in the room that’s green, and provide kids with a variety of experiences beyond video games and TV.

Consider volunteering in your child’s classroom

Both teachers’ No. 1 activity is reading. Read to kids and later with them when they’re old enough to read to you. It can be hard with everything else we have to do, but it makes a difference.

“Talk up” school and all that can be learned there plus the new friends they’ll make.

Recognize learning and reward it.

Right about now, start waking the kids up early and getting back into the routine. Observe a wise bedtime. Have a daily schedule kids can count on.

Your Mama said it to you too: eat a healthy breakfast.

To help with first-day tears, it’s best for parents to say goodbye, kiss their child and leave. Two minutes after you leave, your kid is fine. We feel terrible all day.

After school, let them snack and indulge in a half-hour of active play (PlayStation doesn’t count, Anaya points out.) Then they can tackle homework.

Give students their own work space free of distraction. Give them all the materials they need.

Kids are apt to get sick when around other kids so keep them home when they are sick, and serve chicken soup (really.)

And lastly, both teachers remind us to love our kids, listen to them and spend time with them.

“Bottom line, learning requires attention and just plain old hard work,” Van Rooyen said.

Just like parenting.

Source: Whittier Daily News, CA
http://www.whittierdailynews.com/news/ci_10294073

Hubert Rowry’s memories of his public school education still haunt him.

As a black student growing up in Beaumont and Austin, Rowry, now 33, says he often felt isolated and ignored in school. White teachers seemed to give white students more attention than to black students, and that affected his learning and self-esteem, said the Cypress resident.

“So many things happened to me in terms of racism from teachers, principals and other students,” Rowry said. “I decided I’m not going to subject my kids to that.”

His three children, ages 8, 6 and 3, have never been in a traditional classroom. He and his wife, Chelsea, home school them.

Once seen by many blacks as something only whites do, home schooling has steadily gained momentum in the black community in the past eight years and is expected to continue to grow, say home school experts.

“Ten years ago, there were not that many people of color home schooling,” said Brian Ray, president of National Home Education Research Institute in Salem, Ore.

General dissatisfaction with public schools and increased awareness about home schooling are motivating blacks to change course, experts said.

Concerns about children missing associating with other students and the loss of a spouse’s income, however, keep many blacks who are interested in home schooling from taking the leap.

An estimated 220,000 black students were home schooled in 2007, according to the institute. In comparison, 84,000 were home schooled in 1999, according to a survey by the National Center for Education Statistics.

Studies show that home-schooled students do just as well or better than their public school peers. For example, they typically score 15 to 30 percentile points above public-school students on standardized academic achievement tests, according to the research institute.

Blacks are home schooling for many of the same reasons whites do, Ray said. They want what they consider a safer learning environment or they want to teach their own values and beliefs. They also want to try different teaching approaches and build stronger family relationships.

Seeing inequities

Home schooling also is an opportunity for blacks to infuse their child’s learning with their cultural heritage because parents don’t feel public schools address it. Yet for others, the decision to home school is based on past educational inequities.

“Almost everybody knows in public schools, blacks are at the bottom of the totem pole,” Ray said.

Joyce Burges, of Baker, La., and founder of the National Black Home Educators, said blacks, like everyone else, want a good education for their children, but they’re realizing that “we’ve been hoodwinked and bamboozled” by the public school system.

Many blacks are pulling their children out of public school because they see quality and equality diminishing, she said.

Burges began home schooling her five children 20 years ago when the practice was still fairly new. Her son’s grade point average had slipped slightly below a B. Instead of working to help him improve his grades, the public school he attended offered Burges two options: hold him back or take him to another school, she said.

“I said, ‘No way am I going to allow you to do this type of damage to my child,’ ” Burges said. “I yanked him out and didn’t know what I was going to do.”

A friend suggested home schooling and helped her get started. At the time, she did not know any blacks who were home schooling, she said.

When she started her nonprofit organization in 2000, she said she received thousands of calls from black parents wanting information. For years, many blacks knew little about home schooling or thought it was an alternative only for elite white people, she said.

Peer pressure also might have kept many blacks away from trying something different, Ray said. In the black community, there’s always been a strong advocacy for public schools. Many blacks see them as a good route to leveling the playing field for everybody, he said.

Burges’ organization has grown to 3,000 members. It provides families with support and curriculum materials and also holds an annual conference.

“Nowadays, everybody knows somebody who’s educating at home,” Burges said.

Tailored teaching

Paul and Vonda Cotton of Houston started home schooling their two daughters, 12 and 14, two years ago after growing dissatisfied with their middle school. They felt the school’s approach to teaching stymied student creativity.

At home, the Cottons, who also have a 3-year-old son, have been able to tailor their children’s education with their own Christian world view and spend more time with them. As part of their education, the family has started a baking business, and now they’re working on a home decorating business.

“They’ve gotten a chance to see real life and make application with learning, and we’ve been able to forge our belief system,” said Paul Cotton, who is a nurse and whose wife is a stay-at-home mom.

Frankie Fontenet gave up a career as an insurance agent at the corporate level to home school her two children, ages 15 and 13. Her husband, Adam, is a firefighter.

”I was making lots of money, but it was well-worth giving it up,” she said. “We haven’t missed it. You learn to tighten your belt.”

The Houston couple tried both private and public schools, but decided to home school in 2007 after spending a day observing her son’s classroom in public school.

“We were appalled and very disappointed in ourselves for putting him that environment,” Frankie Fontenet said. “The teacher was sweet as she can be, but there were a handful of kids totally disrupting the class. We couldn’t see how anybody could learn in that environment.”

The couple share teaching responsibilities and home school all year. She handles the core curriculum during the week, and he does the outdoor and nature activities on the weekends. A typical day involves about four hours learning math, reading, science, history and Spanish. They also spend two hours exercising at a gym.

Every Friday, the children spend time at a home school cooperative at Kingwood Bible Church that offers science and writing courses and electives, such art, music and theater, for home-schooled students. They also participate in classes offered at museums.

“My kids, I want them to be well-rounded, and we have that choice when we choose their curriculum,” Frankie Fontenet said.

Cost varies

Getting started in home schooling can be fairly easy. Most states have home school associations that help guide parents on what to do. Parents can also get assistance from home school support groups.

In Texas, home schools are considered private schools, and private schools are not regulated by the state. But it is recommended that parents choose a curriculum and then withdrawal their child from the school district; otherwise, school officials could file charges of failure to attend school, according to the Texas Home School Coalition.

The cost to home school varies, depending on the curriculum, which can be purchased online and at home school conferences. Chelsea Rowry, the Cypress mother, estimates it will cost about $800 this year to educate her two children. Some parents spend as much as $1,000 per child, she said.

Fontenet encourages parents thinking about home schooling to educate themselves and find a mentor.

”Find someone to take you under your wings,” she said. “It takes away the fear.”

Source: Houston Chronicle, United States
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5964005.html

Q: Can you offer activities for my baby? He’s only 2 months old, and most of the time he’s eating or sleeping, but when he’s awake and content, I’d like to interact with him in a meaningful way.

A: Here are five things that will hold your baby’s interest:

Your face: Babies are fascinated by a face and all it can do. Your mouth moves and makes sounds, your eyes blink, your cheeks puff out, your head nods and shakes and your tongue moves in and out.

The very words you speak, your inflection and intonation all hold a baby’s interest. Your head and face are readily available to engage your child in a context of love and social interaction. From birth, your baby is interested in copying your facial expressions.

A mobile: Most parents purchase a mobile to hang over their baby’s crib. But babies, like all of us, get bored. So if they look at the very same mobile day after day, they’ll soon lose interest.

Therefore, change the appearance of the mobile from time to time (not necessarily daily). So if your baby’s mobile has five horses that dance around in a circle, one day tie ribbons around their necks. Another day add a bell.

Balls: Anything that moves, babies notice. Nothing moves more easily than a ball that ricochets off furniture, bumps into walls and rolls under tables and through tubes. Need a tube? Go to the post office and purchase a large postal tube. When your baby tires of balls rolling around the floor, drop a ball through the tube.

Blocks: Once your baby can sit well without tumbling over, purchase blocks. They need to be small enough for your baby to hold but big enough so that he can’t swallow them. With the blocks, play “stack and tumble.” Your part of this game is to stack the blocks; your baby’s part is to knock them over. See how many blocks you can stack before your baby moves his hand quickly to knock them over. It’s all about cause and effect. It’s as if the child is saying over and over, “When I hit the blocks, they tumble over.”

Vary the play by putting the blocks in a container; your child will love dumping them out. Once your baby can pull herself up to a standing position, stack the blocks on the coffee table. He’ll love to knock the blocks to the floor, learning about gravity as she watches them drop.

Disappearance: A major part of your child’s early learning agenda the first year of life revolves around disappearance, realizing that objects and people continue to exist even when out of sight. Purchase a jack-in-the-box; play peek-a-boo; and later, when your child becomes mobile, play hide and seek. There are so many variations of these games, and there’s no end to your child’s interest in them. You’ll likely tire of them far sooner than your child.

For more of my ideas on infant cognitive development and accompanying activities, go to BabyZone.com and search for “Your Brilliant Baby, Week by Week.”

Source: Seattle Times, United States
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/parenting/2008132733_faull23.html

Barack Obama says he believes in universal preschool and if he’s elected president he’ll pump “billions of dollars into early childhood education.” Universal preschool is now second only to universal health care on the liberal policy wish list. Democratic governors across the country — including in Illinois, Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia — have made a major push to fund universal preschool in their states.

But is strapping a backpack on all 4-year-olds and sending them to preschool good for them? Not according to available evidence.

“Advocates and supporters of universal preschool often use existing research for purely political purposes,” says James Heckman, a University of Chicago Noble laureate in economics whose work Mr. Obama and preschool activists routinely cite. “But the solid evidence for the effectiveness of early interventions is limited to those conducted on disadvantaged populations.”

Mr. Obama asserted in the Las Vegas debate on Jan. 15 that every dollar spent on preschool will produce a 10-fold return by improving academic performance, which will supposedly lower juvenile delinquency and welfare use — and raise wages and tax contributions. Such claims are wildly exaggerated at best.

In the last half-century, U.S. preschool attendance has gone up to nearly 70% from 16%. But fourth-grade reading, science, and math scores on the National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) — the nation’s report card — have remained virtually stagnant since the early 1970s.

Preschool activists at the Pew Charitable Trust and Pre-K Now — two major organizations pushing universal preschool — refuse to take this evidence seriously. The private preschool market, they insist, is just glorified day care. Not so with quality, government-funded preschools with credentialed teachers and standardized curriculum. But the results from Oklahoma and Georgia — both of which implemented universal preschool a decade or more ago — paint an equally dismal picture.

A 2006 analysis by Education Week found that Oklahoma and Georgia were among the 10 states that had made the least progress on NAEP. Oklahoma, in fact, lost ground after it embraced universal preschool: In 1992 its fourth and eighth graders tested one point above the national average in math. Now they are several points below. Ditto for reading. Georgia’s universal preschool program has made virtually no difference to its fourth-grade reading scores. And a study of Tennessee’s preschool program released just this week by the nonpartisan Strategic Research Group found no statistical difference in the performance of preschool versus nonpreschool kids on any subject after the first grade.

What about Head Start, the 40-year-old, federal preschool program for low-income kids? Studies by the Department of Health and Human Services have repeatedly found that although Head Start kids post initial gains on IQ and other cognitive measures, in later years they become indistinguishable from non-Head Start kids.

If anything, preschool may do lasting damage to many children. A 2005 analysis by researchers at Stanford University and the University of California, Berkeley, found that kindergartners with 15 or more hours of preschool every week were less motivated and more aggressive in class. Likewise, Canada’s C.D. Howe Institute found a higher incidence of anxiety, hyperactivity and poor social skills among kids in Quebec after universal preschool.

The only preschool programs that seem to do more good than harm are very intense interventions targeted toward severely disadvantaged kids. A 1960s program in Ypsilanti, Mich., a 1970s program in Chapel Hill, N.C., and a 1980s program in Chicago, Ill., all report a net positive effect on adult crime, earnings, wealth and welfare dependence for participants. But the kids in the Michigan program had low IQs and all came from very poor families, often with parents who were drug addicts and neglectful.

Even so, the economic gains of these programs are grossly exaggerated. For instance, Prof. Heckman calculated that the Michigan program produced a 16-cent return on every dollar spent — not even remotely close to the $10 return that Mr. Obama and his fellow advocates bandy about.

Our understanding of the effects of preschool is still very much in its infancy. But one inescapable conclusion from the existing research is that it is not for everyone. Kids with loving and attentive parents — the vast majority — might well be better off spending more time at home than away in their formative years. The last thing that public policy should do is spend vast new sums of taxpayer dollars to incentivize a premature separation between toddlers and parents.

Yet that is precisely what Mr. Obama would do. His “Zero-to-Five” plan would increase federal outlays for early education by $10 billion — about 50% of total government spending on preschool — and hand block grants to states to implement universal preschool. This will make the government the dominant source of funding in the early education marketplace, vastly outpacing private spending.

If Mr. Obama is serious about helping children, he should begin by fixing what is clearly broken: the K-12 system. The best way of doing that is by building on programs with a proven record of success. Many of these involve giving parents control over their own education dollars so that they have options other than dysfunctional public schools. The Obamas send their daughters to a private school whose annual fee in middle school runs around $20,000. Other parents deserve such choices too — not promises of subsidized preschool that they may not want and that may be bad for their kids.

Source: Wall Street Journal
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121936615766562189.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

With a pre-schooler to raise, household chores and new life priorities, the first years of motherhood are not the most obvious time to seek promotion.

On Tuesday, the results of an Australian Public Service Commission survey on the promotion of female public servants after they took maternity leave was touted as proof that motherhood is the death knell for career advancement.

The survey found that only a third of women who had taken maternity leave in 2000-01 had been promoted six years later, while more than half the women who had not taken leave had advanced in their positions. The finding was labelled “alarming”, particularly as the public service is deemed to have the most family-friendly working conditions in Australia.

There was a chorus-style response to the news from stakeholders. All agreed it was not fair. All agreed that when a woman decided to have a child, they had to begrudgingly accept their career opportunities would be limited from that time on. All asked for jobs and workplaces to be redesigned to accommodate the changed circumstances of young mothers.

When did we get so full of ourselves? Who started the idea that the world should revolve around mothers?

Didn’t our society get the memo about not being able to have it all? Why on earth do some people still want it for themselves and for others?

Why is it seen as a right that a woman can match it with the boys in the career stakes, have a fulfilled, loving, healthy relationship with another, have a child when they choose and combine it all with enormous success? Memo to the idealists: it is impossible.

Moreover, while most women have been given the notional, legal and social right to limitless career advancement, commentators and critics seem to miss the point. Could it be that fewer mothers want promotions in the workplace? The question was not asked in the survey. Could it be that their work-life balance is hard enough without having to learn the ropes of a new and more senior role in their place of work?

I not only think so, I know so.

If a woman chooses not to have a child because she wants to pursue a sparkling career instead, I say go for it. Whatever floats her boat. But only a handful of mothers with babies or small children (the ones in the public service study all had babies in the past seven years) crave more responsibility at work. Only a few want to forge a path, climb the ladder and reach new heights.

Most find they want to share time with their child and that they have more in their life now than their work and career path. Nothing can change the view or the heart like having a child. Many mothers also have the emotional and financial need to continue working, but work finds a different place in their life, as it should.

This is not to say that mothers do a worse job in their paid employment, or lose interest in their work. On the contrary, I wager that mothers use their time more efficiently, are more focused and have a clearer sense of purpose in the work they do. Most of them just don’t want to do it all the time.

I had three children in three years. I never had more than a few months off and have worked all their lives. My children did not spend a day in daycare. How is this possible?

Equality does not mean doing the same things or participating equally in all activities. This is naive and simplistic. Equality means celebrating the differences, but valuing each role.

Now that our oldest child is almost an adult, there might be a lot of lost sleep, odd work hours and unexpected professional roles in our pasts, but if we had our time again, neither my beloved nor I would have done anything differently.

You can’t have it all, but it is possible to combine work and parenthood and have no regrets.

Source: Courier Mail, Australia
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,24212923-27197,00.html

Video games are wildly popular among children these days. With the widespread diffusion of handheld devices, it is not uncommon to see children quietly playing video games by themselves despite being outside at a park.

Many parents and other adults who see children playing video games without uttering a word feel uncomfortable that so much attention is directed at them.

In June and July, when The Yomiuri Shimbun carried a series of articles featuring the effects of video games on children in our lifestyle news pages, we received more than 150 letters from readers who said they were worried about their children being addicted to video games. Reading the letters, I realized that video games can present parents with serious problems.

In a survey conducted last summer by Goo Research via its Web site for primary school students, about 80 percent of respondents who were primary school students said they played video games.

Among the respondents, 30 percent of boys said they played for more than three hours a day.

According to the survey, while some families had rules for playing video games, including a limit on the amount of time spent playing, 35 percent of families had no special rules.

The survey also indicated that the age of players is getting lower.

According to an ongoing study being conducted by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry for children born in 2001, 15 percent of the children were playing games by the time they were 3-1/2 years old. The rate rose to 28 percent by the age of 4-1/2, and 51 percent by the age of 5-1/2.

The widespread use of video games has created a situation in which children who do not have a gaming device can become left out or ostracized by their friends. This can make it very difficult for parents who have adopted a policy of not buying gaming devices for their children to maintain their stance.

Many parents who have bought gaming devices for their children are worried that the playing of games has created various problems for their children.

The correspondence we received from readers illustrated the kinds of unusual behavior that demonstrate an excessive interest in video games.

Examples include a kindergartner who would rather wet his pants and continue playing a game than go to the bathroom and a primary school student who continually kicks a ball around while playing a video game on a handheld device.

Some neurologists and parenting experts are also concerned about the possible harmful effects of playing video games.

The biggest concern is the influence on children’s brains, but scientists have yet to produce any evidence of a detrimental effect on the brain.

Commenting on the matter, Shu Watanabe, a professor of health science at Tokyo Metropolitan University who is well versed in the functioning of the brain, said: “We can’t be certain that devoting hours of time to playing games doesn’t have a bad influence on [children’s] brains at an important time in their development. Children generally find that no matter how tired their brains get, they can’t stop playing because it’s fun.”

Watanabe added, “Even if children are allowed to play games, it’s necessary for parents to limit the time spent playing them.”

Child welfare specialist Fumiharu Yamagata, a professor at Osaka City University also is worried about possible adverse effects.

“Children may become less competent at building personal relationships with others if they spend too much time just playing video games,” Yamagata said.

When children play together, they have to learn how to communicate with one another to sort out what they are going to do, how they are going to play, what rules they are going to use and so on.

When it comes to video games, however, they only need to switch on their gaming devices and they can start playing immediately without having to worry about dealing with other people.

“These days it’s not unusual for children only to communicate when it suits them and for them not to know how to verbally approach others they want to play with [in the real world],” Yamagata said, expressing deep concern over the matter.

Even experts involved in the video game industry warn against the potentially harmful effects of the games.

“When playing video games, children can only play in a world that has been provided for them by the creators of the games,” said Ritsumeikan University Prof. Akihiro Saito, a game media specialist and a developer of popular video games.

“This may make it difficult for them to develop creativity and the ability to think independently. I want parents to find time to take their children out to play in the real world,” he added.

In many regions, children are still on summer vacation. Some parents let their children play games all day because it keeps them quiet and means less effort has to be made to look after them.

But if your children seem to be too wrapped up in playing video games hour after hour, maybe it is time to reconsider together with your children your gaming ground rules for the sake of their healthy development.

Source: The Daily Yomiuri, Japan
http://www.yomiuri.co.jp/dy/national/20080821TDY04302.htm