At last, from the frontiers of science comes an explanation for that long-recognized phenomenon of “monkey see-monkey do.”

Researchers in Parma, Italy, were studying the brain activity of monkeys. They recorded neuron activity when the monkeys reached for a peanut. The scientists were attempting to learn which areas of the brain would be stimulated by this simple activity.

Quite by accident, they discovered something else. A scientist reached for a peanut himself as one of the monkeys looked on. The technician watching the PET scan was astonished to record the same brain activity. Watching the researcher reach for the peanut elicited exactly the same movements in the same areas of the brain as when the monkey reached for the peanut himself.

This discovery launched a more significant study of these areas on both sides of our brain, which not only are stimulated when we do something but also stimulated in exactly the same way when we observe someone else do that thing. And what they have found is that the same phenomenon happens to far greater extent in humans than it does in our furry distant relatives.

“Mirror neurons” record the images we see. They provide the brain architecture that supports, on a cellular level, the actual recording in our brains of those things we observe others doing, as if we are doing them ourselves.

So if I watch you tie your shoes, I store that experience in my brain in the same way as if I had done it. If I look into your sad face, I record that same feeling of sadness as if it were my tragedy instead of yours. If I watch you striving to carry a heavy load, I experience that same struggle myself and may set my mouth just right to “help” you with the exertion.

Mirror neurons explain the mechanism for empathy, compassion, social learning and more. And for those of us interested in the experiences of children, they remind us once again of the importance of the environment on brain development.

As a child watches an adult perform an act of compassion, he experiences compassion, even if he had no responsibility for the act itself. He feels what it’s like to help a neighbor or speak a kind word.

Unfortunately, it also means that when a child observes an act of violence, he stores that action inside himself, also as if he had committed the act. Biologically, he has built a history in his brain of what it is to behave violently.

Researchers studying the mirror system say it is further evidence that we are intensely social creatures, looking for ways to connect. We are designed to learn from each other. It’s the way we find out how to comb our hair or hold a spoon or pat a dog.

More importantly, mirror neurons are what teach us how to respect others and demonstrate that respect through our behavior.

What we tell our kids is certainly important. Talking to them about our values and expectations helps them to build their own moral code.

But one day, we’ll see what they really learned from us. We will observe the behavior that was being recorded all the time by their mirror neurons, when we didn’t know we were teaching them anything at all.

Source Herald & Review, IL
http://www.herald-review.com/articles/2008/06/28/columnists/quigg/1033710.txt

When it comes to issues of childhood health and raising kids, mothers tend to dominate the discussion. But as the Web site PsychCentral points out today, fathers play an essential but often undervalued role in the health and development of children.
In the essay Fathering in America: What’s a Dad Supposed to Do, Massachusetts family therapist Marie Hartwell-Walker talks about the role of fathers.

“Many TV sitcoms and animated shows continue to portray dads as dolts or, at best, well-meaning but misguided large children whose wives have to mother them as well as their offspring. If an alien in another universe happens to tune in to ‘The Simpsons,’ ‘Everyone Loves Raymond,’ ‘Family Guy,’ etc., he (it?) will come away with a rather skewed idea of how men function in American families.”

Dr. Hartwell-Walker notes there is little agreement about what makes an ideal father, but there are some universal qualities that seem to matter most, including:

Be there. In study after study, kids consistently say they would like to have more time with their dads. Regardless of whether a dad shares a home with the children and their mother, the kids need dad time. Working together on a chore or simply hanging out can be as meaningful as attending events or having adventures. Kids want to know their fathers. Just as important, they want their fathers to know them.

Be there throughout their childhoods. There is no time in a child’s life that doesn’t count. Research has shown that even infants know and respond to their fathers differently than they do to their mothers. The bond you make with a baby sets the foundation for a lifetime. As the kids get older, they’ll need you in different ways but they will always need you. Insistent toddler, curious preschooler, growing child, prickly adolescent: Each age and stage will have its challenges and rewards. Kids whose parents let them know that they are worth their parents’ time and attention are kids who grow up healthy and strong. Boys and girls who grow up with attention and approval from their dads as well as their moms tend to be more successful in life.

Balance discipline with fun. Some dads make the mistake of being only the disciplinarian. The kids grow up afraid of their dads and unable to see the man behind the rules. An equal and opposite mistake is being so focused on fun that you become one of the kids, leaving their mother always to be the heavy. Kids need to have fathers who know both how to set reasonable, firm limits and how to relax and have a good time. Give yourself and the kids the stability that comes with clear limits and the good memories that come with play.

Be a role model of adult manhood. Both boys and girls need you as a role model for what it means to be adult and male. Make no mistake: The kids are observing you every minute. They are taking in how you treat others, how you manage stress and frustrations, how you fulfill your obligations, and whether you carry yourself with dignity. Consciously or not, the boys will become like you. The girls will look for a man very much like you. Give them an idea of manhood (and relationships) you can be proud of.

Source: New York Times, United States
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/06/25/the-basics-of-fatherhood/

New group working to increase access to early education

We are born wired to learn.

By age 3, our brains have one trillion synapses — more than we’ll have in adulthood. By age 6, our brains are 95 percent the size of mom’s and dad’s.

“The first five years have so much to do with how the next 80 turn out,” said William H. Gates Sr., co-chairman of Thrive by Five and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Gates was the guest speaker at the San Juan County Early Learning Leadership Luncheon, Friday in Mullis Community Senior Center. In attendance were educators, health and social workers, and business people from throughout the county.

The message: Investments in early learning pay huge dividends for children, families and society. By increasing the likelihood that children will be literate, employed and college-bound, we decrease school dropout rates, dependency on public assistance and trouble with the law.

The luncheon was sponsored by the San Juan County Early Learning Consortium, Thrive by Five and five county health and human services agencies. San Juan County is part of a regional partnership that has been awarded a grant to develop a business plan to make early childhood education available to all children.

Gates, whose Thrive by Five foundation has raised $10 million in two years to promote and support early childhood education, led the call for islanders to get involved locally in raising funds and building policy to ensure all children enter school ready to succeed.

Gates said Thrive by Five and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation believe all lives have equal value. The challenge is to ensure all children have access to what they need so they can lead productive lives.

Some 600,000 Washingtonians live in poverty, he said. A year of child care costs 50 percent more than tuition at Skagit Valley College. More than 50 percent of Washington children walk into a kindergarten classroom unprepared.

“It’s a moral failure and a policy disaster,” he said.

Gates pointed out how easily a child can fall behind. A child who did not have access to early childhood education and shares a kindergarten classroom with children who can read or write their ABCs can lose self-confidence early. If the child’s behavioral and social skills are not as developed as the other children’s, then the problem is compounded. The result is disinterest in school.

“Dysfunctional children grow up to be dysfunctional adults, and that leads to a dysfunctional society,” Gates said.

Studies bear out the success of early childhood education.

Some 123 children from low-income families in Ypsilanti, Mich., were followed from pre-school age through age 40; the number included children who had been randomly selected to attend Perry Preschool, a recognized program with well-trained teachers, daily classroom sessions and weekly home visits.

At age 40, almost 10 percent more of the group that had attended Perry owned their own home, compared to those that did not attend Perry. Twenty percent more earned more than $20,000 a year. Almost 25 percent more had a savings account. Twenty percent more graduated from high school on time and did not require special education.

In a similar study of children at a full-day, year-round program near Chapel Hill, N.C., almost 30 percent more of those that had attended the program didn’t repeat a grade, 20 percent more were non-smokers, and about 25 percent more attended a four-year college.

Gates said quality early learning programs offer up to a 16 percent return in the form of the child’s contributions to economic development and prosperity in adulthood. The Perry study showed a return of $17 for every $1 spent — an annual rate of return of 18 percent and a public rate of return of 16 percent.

Bill Watson, executive director of the San Juan County Economic Development Council, called investments in early education “good business.”

Denise King, director of Skagit Valley College San Juan Center, said early childhood education helps give children the learning skills they need “so they can function as employees and as productive members of society, and break the cycles of abuse and poverty.”

Jamie Stephens, a substitute teacher and president of the Lopez Island Chamber of Commerce, pointed to the need to ensure today’s children can compete in the workplace; he cited a study that predicts 45 million American workers will have at least an undergraduate degree in 2020.

The next step: Participants were invited to join the new San Juan County Business Partnership for Early Learning, which will take the leadership in developing a plan to increase access to early education. They were invited to distribute written materials and other information on early learning, and to host early learning specialists as speakers before community groups.

They were also asked to sponsor the placement of signs on proposed “learning trails” on Lopez, Orcas and San Juan. The signs, to be placed on existing trails on those islands, suggest activities that encourage a child’s exploration and imagination, as well as relationship-building in families.

Source: Journal of the San Jaun Islands, WA
http://www.pnwlocalnews.com/sanjuans/jsj/news/20745824.html

Long-term, exclusive breastfeeding appears to improve children’s cognitive development, according to a recent report (Archives of General Psychiatry, May 2008).

Previous studies have reported that children and adults who were breastfed as infants have higher scores on IQ tests and other measures of cognitive (thinking, learning and memory) development than those who were fed formula.

However, the evidence has been based on observational studies, in which children whose mothers chose to breastfeed were compared with those whose mothers chose not to breastfeed. The results of these studies may be complicated by subtle differences in the way breastfeeding mothers interact with their infants, the authors noted.

Michael S. Kramer, MD, of McGill University and the Montreal Children’s Hospital, Montreal, Quebec, and colleagues conducted a randomized trial of a breastfeeding promotion program involving patients at 31 maternity hospitals and affiliated clinics in Belarus.

Between June 1996 and December 1997, clinics were randomly assigned either to adopt a program supporting and promoting breastfeeding or to continue their current practices and policies. A total of 7,108 infants and mothers who visited facilities promoting breastfeeding and 6,781 infants and mothers who visited control facilities received follow-up interviews and examinations between 2002 and 2005, when the children were an average of 6.5 years old.

Mothers who visited a facility promoting breastfeeding were more likely to feed their infants only breast milk at age 3 months (43.3 percent vs. 6.4 percent in the control group) and at all ages through 1 year. At age 6.5, the children in the breastfeeding group scored an average of 7.5 points higher on tests measuring verbal intelligence, 2.9 points higher on tests measuring non-verbal intelligence and 5.9 points higher on tests measuring overall intelligence. Teachers also rated these children significantly higher academically than control children in both reading and writing.

“Even though the treatment difference appears causal, it remains unclear whether the observed cognitive benefits of breastfeeding are due to some constituent of breast milk or are related to the physical and social interactions inherent in breastfeeding,” the authors wrote.

They noted that essential long-chain fatty acids and a compound known as insulinlike growth factor I, both found in breastmilk, could be responsible for the cognitive differences. On the other hand, the physical or emotional component of breastfeeding may lead to permanent changes affecting brain development. Breastfeeding also may increase verbal interaction between mother and child, which could improve children’s cognitive development.

“Although breastfeeding initiation rates have increased substantially during the last 30 years, much less progress has been achieved in increasing the exclusivity and duration of breastfeeding,” the authors concluded. “The consistency of our findings based on a randomized trial with those reported in previous observational studies should prove helpful in encouraging further public health efforts to promote, protect and support breastfeeding.”

The research was funded by a grant from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research. Dr. Kramer is the recipient of a Senior Investigator Award from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research. Co-author Dr. Platt is a Monat-McPherson Career Investigator of McGill Unviersity and a career investigator of the Fonds de la recherche en santé du Québec. Co-author Dr. Fombonne holds a Canada Research Chair in Child Psychiatry.

Source: Advance for Speech-Language Pathologists and Audiologists, PA
http://tinyurl.com/49lobn

Fathers increasingly hands-on, StatsCan reports

More Canadian fathers are embracing parenthood and taking time off to care for their young children, according to a Statistics Canada study released yesterday.

The number of dads taking parental leave jumped in 2006, led by fathers in Quebec, who are entitled to five weeks’ paternity leave and better paid benefits. The study found that more than half of eligible Quebec dads took time off in 2006 after the province introduced its own parental leave program, compared to 32 per cent in 2005.

Elsewhere in Canada, one in 10 dads took parental leave. That’s up sharply from only 3 per cent eight years ago, though it has barely increased since 2001, when federal parental leave was boosted to 35 weeks that could be shared between parents. However, the study found other evidence of more hands-on fathering, including longer leaves, which averaged 17 weeks in 2006 versus 11 weeks in 2005. As well, 55 per cent of dads reported taking unpaid leave or vacation after the birth of a child.

An earlier StatsCan study found the number of days fathers of preschoolers miss work for personal or family reasons jumped to 6.3 days in 2007 from 1.8 days a decade earlier.

While the trend is largely a result of social policies, it also reflects “a cultural shift that embraces fatherhood and men’s involvement with their children,” according to author Katherine Marshall.

Donna Lero of the University of Guelph notes that fathers take leave at much higher rates when it is designated as paternity leave that cannot be shared with partners, which is the case in Quebec and European countries. And dads took it more often when mothers either chose not to or weren’t eligible, says Lero, the Jarislowsky chair in families and work at the university’s Centre for Families, Work and Well-being.

She says that while social policies can help increase fathers’ involvement, that will continue only with support – both financial and in attitude – from employers.

“If the option is to take a leave at the cost of a big financial hit and lack of support in the workplace, then we shouldn’t be surprised” if fathers reject the plan, she says.

Eric Paananen of Etobicoke, who recently ended a 3 1/2-month parental leave caring for son Ethan, says it helped that his wife was willing to return to work and share parental leave and his employer, the Canadian Cancer Society, was supportive.

Paananen, 31, says caring for Ethan, who just turned 1, was both exhausting and rewarding. They went to playgrounds, drop-ins and swimming, and Paananen experienced a lot of “those little moments” that come from quality time.

“To be able to know I can do this is great. I do feel that by being involved now I want to be more involved. It was a good base to build on.”

It’s what parent educator Brian Russell calls the start of “a powerful cycle.” Parental leave gives dads the opportunity to gain skill and confidence looking after an infant, he says, “and the earlier you practise that, the more competent you feel and the more involved you continue to get.”

Russell, parent educator at LAMP Early Years Centre in Etobicoke, stayed home with his eldest daughter 11 years ago. He runs dads groups on Saturdays and Tuesday evenings that draw up to 30 fathers. There were rarely dads in his daytime groups five years ago; these days there are always two or three.

Father involvement has also prompted one online mothering network to expand into daddy terrain. WeeWelcome.ca is relaunching its website so fathers will be able to link to other dads and fathers groups, says founder Maureen Dennis of Toronto.

Source: Toronto Star, Canada
http://www.thestar.com/living/article/447743

We must acquire a license to become a driver, a lawyer or a doctor, but should we pass certain exams to become parents? The result of a parents’ test conducted by a kindergarten in Zhejiang Province shows that the answer is ‘yes.’

“Parenting is probably the hardest job in the world. You never know which of your minor deeds will affect your children in their future lives,” Cheng Yanqing, head of the kindergarten, says.

In early June, parents of the kindergartners sat the parenting exam. Twenty percent failed the trial, according to the Zhejiang-based Qianjiang Evening News.

No one is born with the techniques to be a successful parent, so you have to learn, Cheng says. “This is the message we want to send to parents through the exam.”

The exam tests parents’ knowledge on raising and educating children. It includes questions like “How many hours of sleep do children need at different ages?” “Which foods contain nutrients that children need for their growth?” and “How does one deal with a child’s rebellious behavior?”

“The test rang the alarm for me, so I have to study more scientific ways of educating my child,” Zhu Songjun, the mother of a senior student in the kindergarten, says.

The kindergarten presented parents who passed the exam with a framed license, and plans to hold the exam regularly to refresh the parents’ skills.

Parenting licenses are nothing new in China, or even worldwide. Reports say that Austria is planning to give qualified couples government-issued parenting licenses. Licensed parents will enjoy preferential policies. For instance, the licensed parent can get custody of the child if the couple files for a divorce.

Many Chinese cities, such as Xiamen, Chengdu, and Nanning have also tried to give out certificates in recognition of successful parents.

Source: China Daily, China
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2008-06/23/content_6786851.htm

At present, the Government is preparing a new law: to protect women’s rights to breastfeed legally in public. This follows a high-profile case in which the National Gallery in London stopped a mother breastfeeding in one of its galleries and subsequently had to issue an apology. With inspiringly apt irony, the mother and child in question were in the same room as Tintoretto’s The Origin of the Milky Way, in which Juno breastfeeds Hercules.

This legislation is to roll out by the end of the year, following the lead of the Scottish Parliament, which introduced similar laws four years ago, so soon we’ll be able to lactate in the Tate, whip out our boobs in White Cube, utilise our mammaries in the Royal Academies. This is a huge coup for those of us who like to claim the moral high ground by breastfeeding, when the truth of the matter is that we’re just too slatternly to sterilise umpteen bottles a day, and find that the smell of Milton’s Fluid makes us pukey. But it also highlights the extraordinary fact that, until this law kicks in, it is actually illegal to breastfeed publicly in this country. Illegal. Indeed, it’s so illegal that there are two, separate, acts under which a breastfeeder can be prosecuted: public order laws, or laws of public decency. Conceivably, if a woman got busted* after a very long feed, one involving both breasts, the left one could be charged under the public order laws and get away with a light fine, while the right one, having offended public decency, could be looking at a seven-to-ten stretch in the pen.

And ladies, let’s face it: after breastfeeding, your bosom-area looks like it’s done time in the slammer anyway. Whenever I take my bra off now and check myself in the mirror, my breasts look knackered. But be this as it may, I can assure you of one thing: there’s barely a mother in this country who knows that it’s illegal to breastfeed in public. I did a quick text-round of all my 24-hour post-partum people and they were amazed that the third most physically crucial aspect of motherhood - after hoiking the baby out into the world, and then not leaving it on a cliff edge while having a fag - is prosecutable. For many, it’s been like finding out that it’s illegal to put your child on a swing, feed it carrot sticks and hoummos or beat it with a spiky oaken paddle named “Mr Whackbum”.

“The logical conclusion of this legislation is that the British believe a woman should not leave her house - not even once - until her baby is weaned,” said one friend, on her mobile phone from Beachy Head, between drags on a Rothmans.

Of course, in many ways, it’s quite heartening to find out that it’s still illegal to breastfeed in public. It’s almost comforting. Women tend to blame themselves for everything. British mothers had, therefore, presumed that the reason why England has the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world - only 25 per cent breastfeed up to six months (frankly, worms do better, and they don’t lactate) was simply All Our Fault. We didn’t have the commitment, the selflessness or the nerve to get the big boys out and feed the little boys (or girls) in public. Because it takes nerve to breastfeed in public. There is a lexicon of Acceptable Public Breasts, and those who have a baby on the end don’t make the list. You can have statue breasts (classy tits), native tribeswoman breasts (educational tits) and 18-year-old girls looking down at their Nuts tits with a combination of pride and surprise (tits somehow fundamental to the continuation of the smooth running of this country). But a hurriedly bared wet nipple at a bus station in January being waved, semi-despairingly, at a wailing child just doesn’t make it into this pantheon. These breasts - the useful breasts - must be kept hidden.

I’m apt to blame this baffling aesthetic and moral schism on a gigantic as-yet untackled seam of rampant misogyny. It bears all the hallmarks of The Patriarchy, ie, a world tilted in favour of perky tits, normal women made to feel bad. Damn you, The Patriarchy! I shake my fist at you, again! Indeed, I keep meaning to replace the F11 key on my Mac with a “Patriarchy Alert” button so that when I press it all my open windows fly off the screen, leaving me to stare at an inspiring and soothing screensaver picture of Mary Wollstonecraft.

So what will it take to increase breastfeeding rates in this country, other than stopping it being illegal in the 99.99999 per cent of the British Isles that isn’t the lactating mothers’ front rooms, of course? For myself, I was a constant, militant, public breastfeeder - but I can’t now, three years later, remember quite why. Briefly analysing it, I would say it was probably a combination of: 7 per cent having a mother who contentedly breastfed eight children, in turn, for the first two years of their lives; 12 per cent being a rock-hard, ice-cool feminist warrior queen, like Sarah Connor in Terminator 2, but wearing a purple, white and green hat; and 81 per cent wanting the crying, screaming baby to just shuuuuuut uuuuuup before we set off all the fire alarms in Boots.

To be honest, I brought a geeky aesthetic to the process, in that I often pretended my breast milk was a killer laser beam. Once I’d built up a sufficienthead of pressure, I’d jet my milk lasers across the room, “taking out” objects/people while making the “zzsswhoompf” light-sabre sound from Star Wars. Perhaps we could get more women into breastfeeding from that angle, encouraging them to use lactation for the purposes of pugilism. That way, until public breastfeeding is made legal, at least they could pick off disapproving art gallery security staff, one by one, with their mummy-guns.

*Hahaha. I’ve just noticed that; that’s quite clever.

Source: Times Online, UK
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/article4182468.ece

Thousands of primary pupils were prevented from making Father’s Day cards at school for fear of embarrassing classmates who live with single mothers and lesbians.

The politically correct policy was quietly adopted at schools “in the interests of sensitivity” over the growing number of lone-parent and same-sex households.

It only emerged after a large number of fathers failed to receive their traditional cards and handmade gifts.

Family rights campaigners last night condemned the policy as “absurd” and argued that it is marginalising fathers, but local authorities said teachers need to react to “the changing pattern of family life”.

An Office for National Statistics report in April found that one in four British children now lives with a lone parent - double the figure 20 years ago.

The Father’s Day card ban has been introduced by schools in Glasgow, Edinburgh, East Renfrewshire, Dumfries and Galloway and Clackmannshire.

Tina Woolnough, 45, whose son Felix attends Edinburgh’s Blackhall primary school, said several teachers there had not allowed children to make Father’s Day cards this year.

Mrs Woolnough, a member of the school’s parent-teacher council, said: “This is something I know they do on a class-by-class basis at my son Felix’s school. Some classes send Father’s Day cards and some do not.

“The teachers are aware of the family circumstances of the children in each class and if a child hasn’t got a father living at home, the teacher will avoid getting the children to make a card.”

The making of Mother’s Day cards and crafts, in the run-up to Mothering Sunday, remains generally permitted.

But the Father’s Day edict follows a series of other politically correct measures introduced in primary schools, including the removal of Christian references from festive greetings cards.

Matt O’Connor, founder of campaign group Fathers For Justice, said: “I’m astonished at this. It totally undermines the role and significance of fathers whether they are still with the child’s mother or not.

“It also sends out a troubling message to young boys that fathers aren’t important.”

Alastair Noble, education officer with the charity Christian Action, Research and Education, said: “This seems to be an extreme and somewhat absurd reaction.

“I would have thought that the traditional family and marriage are still the majority lifestyles of people in Scotland. To deny the experience of the majority just does not seem sensible.”

Local authorities defended the change, saying teachers needed to act “sensitively” at a time when many children were experiencing family breakdown and divorce.

A spokesman for East Renfrewshire Council said: “Increasingly, it is the case that there are children who haven’t got fathers or haven’t got fathers living with them and teachers are having to be sensitive about this.

“Teachers have always had to deal with some pupils not having fathers or mothers, but with marital breakdown it is accelerating.”

Jim Goodall, head of education at Clackmannanshire Council, said teachers are expected to behave with common sense but be sensitive to “the changing pattern of family life.”

South Ayrshire Council said children should not feel left out or unwanted, while City of Edinburgh Council said the practice on Father’s Day cards was a matter for individual schools.

Source: Telegraph.co.uk, United Kingdom
http://tinyurl.com/5m5hn4

2008 marks the 100th year that Father’s Day has been celebrated in the United States. According to the Father’s Day cards we will be getting, we’re fat, balding, play golf all day and have an excessive proclivity towards the consumption of beer.

It hasn’t been easy, as the “Father Knows Best” image of fatherhood has morphed into Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin (”Family Guy”) or Ray Barone (”Everybody Loves Raymond”).

With such a damaged image of fatherhood, there have been some efforts by government and large foundations to improve the father/child relationship by establishing so-called “responsible fatherhood” organizations. These groups often help the fatherhood movement by publishing data about the importance of fathers. This makes it easier for us, in turn, to argue to legislatures the importance of fatherhood when we pushed for shared parenting legislation.

By and large, however, these responsible-fatherhood groups largely undermine the very object of their efforts — to promote the father/child relationship. By continually depicting fathers as naturally delinquent in their parenting responsibilities and therefore needing encouragement, they reinforce the very stereotypes of the missing or negligent father. These stereotypical images of fathers pervade our courts, usually resulting in a near automatic loss of custody if custody is opposed by the mother, unless the mother is grossly unfit. Because these groups refuse to acknowledge the tremendous barriers fathers face in the court system, they do not view their father-bashing conduct as throwing fuel on the fire.

Many of you may recollect billboards throughout Berkshire County with a black father laying on his back on a sofa, a young black girl resting on his chest, with the caption, “Have you been a father today?” The not-so-subtle message is that many if not most fathers have not.

While perhaps the warm-fuzzy imagery lessens the caustic blow, the message that fathers don’t have their acts together reads loud and clear. Could you imagine a “responsible (insert ethnic group) movement,” with billboards of members of that ethnic group at work, followed by the question, “Have you been a responsible hard-working citizen today?” The outcry would be unimaginable. The governmental agency that features the ads usually feature either black children wishing their dad was present, or black fathers to be role models for “irresponsible” black men. Think of it as Uncle Sam coming to understand the White Man’s Burden.

Similar efforts to promote “responsible motherhood” are virtually non-existent. Bashing fathers makes for great politics. Bashing mothers is the proverbial third-rail of American politics. Yet the No. 1 reason fathers do not spend more time with their children is not because they choose not to, but because a mother obtains a court order preventing him from an equal ability to share in the parenting time.

Not only are these other reasons a far distant second in causing fatherhood absence, but they are infinitely less susceptible to a government imposed solution. Providing opportunities for fathers who want to be with their children by implementing shared parenting is highly likely to be successful in reducing father absenteeism. It’s not rocket science — the millions of fathers who want to be with their children but cannot because it is actually unlawful would be afforded a legal opportunity to be equally present in the child’s life.

If the federal government really wanted to help, it could condition federal grants on state’s implementing shared-parenting legislation. The precedent is set — they have shown absolutely no apprehension in making child support a federal issue.

Intentionally erecting legal barriers so that fathers do not have equal parenting time with their children, in most cases, is the acme of irresponsible motherhood. Sure, sometimes Dad is a bum. But in 95 percent of all case (if not more), Dad is not that bad a guy. Simply because someone in a black robe on a dais tells the mother she should have sole custody hardly makes that the morally appropriate thing to do.

Fatherhood absence, while in many cases the result of irresponsible fatherhood, is far more likely to result from irresponsible motherhood. Mothers go to courts and seek orders preventing fathers from having meaningful, let alone equal, relationships with their children. Courts enable them to do so. Simply outlawing this practice unless Dad really is an abusive or neglectful lout would do light years more than billboard signs bespeaking the virtues of being a father and passing out token gifts to fathers with their children in shopping malls on Father’s Day.

Have you been a good father today? Many fathers were not a good father today. It is not because they do not want to be there for their children; it is because the courts and their mothers will not let them. Have you been a good mother today and let the father have equal access to your children? It’s a heck of a more relevant question.

Source: Men’s News Daily, CA
http://mensnewsdaily.com/2008/06/22/have-you-been-a-good-parent-today/

They dominate schools to the detriment of teenage boys, says parenting expert. And mums spoil their sons, too

Female teachers need to stop talking so much and at such a high pitch if they are to engage with boys in classes, a parenting expert claims.

Celia Lashlie, an education adviser and author from New Zealand, said women are important to boys’ learning, but they need to learn from their male colleagues.

Women should make more use of silence – asking a question then giving boys time to think before answering – and non-verbal cues such as raised eyebrows. They also should talk at a lower pitch.

“Don’t speak so much – just shut up,” says Ms Lashlie, a self-described feminist.

“I’ve been in classes with young female teachers, and by the end of the session my ears hurt.”

In secondary schools just 40 per cent of classroom teachers are men; in primary schools, it’s only 12 per cent. Ms Lashlie recommends heads “defeminise” the workforce by employing more men and dealing with teenage boys’ fathers rather than their mothers.

Too often, she says, parents turn up for meetings with their son’s teacher or headteacher, and the mother talks while the father is too scared to say a word. Some schools are already considering making fathers sign an admissions charter agreeing that they will be the first point of contact with the school.

Ms Lashlie, who is visiting schools in Britain next week, said boys need their fathers or other male role models to help them grow into “good men” – but instead they are coddled by mothers. “Women need to step back, and shut up,” she says.

Her comments come as the Government campaigns to involve fathers more in children’s learning. Beverley Hughes, the children’s minister, urged heads to think about fathers, as some may be put off visiting schools because they see them as “women-centred places”.

Ms Lashlie began her investigation into the influences on boys after being the first woman to be a warder in a New Zealand men’s prison. Her book, He’ll Be OK, has become a bestseller in Australia and New Zealand and is to be published in the UK next week.

It urges mothers and teachers to allow “boys to be boys”. They will take risks, she says, but with the right male role models those risks will not land them in prison.

Mothers need to stop making their sons’ school lunches and ironing their shirts. It is often because boys never learn to make their own decisions and face the consequences that they take risks with alcohol, drugs, sex and fast cars.

Ms Lashlie interviewed 180 classes at 25 boys’ schools in New Zealand for the Good Man Project to discover how schools can help shape teenage boys’ futures.

The lack of good male role-models contributes to Britain’s problems with teenage suicide and knife violence, she says. Schools need to work with fathers, “to keep more of our boys alive”.

Chris Keates, general secretary of the NASUWT teaching union, said Ms Lashlie’s proposals for schools were “a load of claptrap”.

“It is disappointing that a woman has felt the need to pander to the views of a tiny group of men who present themselves as the oppressed minority,” she said.

Becky Francis, professor of education at Roehampton University, said teachers – male or female – needed to help boys develop their communication skills, rather than playing to stereotypes of boys as incommunicative.

“In fact, the profound gender gap in literacy and communication suggests that boys have got a lot to learn from girls,” she said.

Source: Times Educational Supplement, UK
http://www.tes.co.uk/2635135