With many grandparents baby-sitting their grandchildren during the day, researchers from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health wondered whether those children might be at a higher risk of injury in the care of older people whose parenting lessons were learned in an era where car seats weren’t the law and child-proofing wasn’t a multimillion-dollar industry.

The findings, published yesterday in the journal Pediatrics, surprised its authors. In some cases, working parents who chose to have grandparents care for their children cut the risk of childhood injury in half. Even when compared with organized day care or care by the mother or other relatives, having a grandmother watch the child was associated with decreased injury for the child.

“There are some grandparents you would not leave alone with grandchildren,” he said. But “you’re not going to hurt them if you do the right selection.”

Among other findings: The odds of injury were greater among children of parents who never married compared with those whose parents stayed married. The odds of injury were greater for children living in homes without their father.

Bishai and colleagues analyzed data collected about more than 5,500 newborns in 15 U.S. cities in 1996-1997, with a follow-up 30 to 33 months later. Bishai said he does not know whether the information would be different had it been collected more recently.

Delores Miller, 63, said she gladly volunteered to provide child care for her granddaughter Imani when Miller’s daughter returned to work at a Baltimore credit union. She bought Imani a toy mop, broom and vacuum so when it was time for housekeeping they did it side by side. And during trips to the grocery store, she made sure Imani always stayed close.

“Children can get more one-on-one attention, rather than in a group of people,” said Miller, who cared for Imani for six years until she started first grade this fall. “Imani was more familiar with me than anyone else. I know more about her behavior and well-being than any stranger would.”

Source: Baltimore Sun, United States
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/health/bal-te.grandparents04nov04,0,6701080.story

Breastfeeding for longer, cutting out TV and enlisting grandparents to babysit are among the keys to bringing up happy, healthy children, a new Federal Government-funded report shows.

The four-year study measured children’s physical, learning and cognitive development plus social and emotional functioning.

Federal Families, Housing and Community Services Minister Jenny Macklin released the report - Growing Up In Australia: The Longitudinal Study of Australian Children - in Sydney today.

The report shows infants aged three to 19 months had higher learning scores if they were cared for by a range of family and friends - including grandparents - rather than just their parents.

Ms Macklin said grandparents were the unsung heroes of the Australian family unit, providing a strong support base for families by lending a hand with day-to-day family life and influencing their grandchildren’s development.

“This new study demonstrates just what a critical role grandparents play in the development of children,” Ms Macklin told reporters at a daycare centre in inner-city Redfern.

Spending time with grandchildren, reading to them, cooking together and taking them shopping were simple interactions which made the difference, she said.

The only option better than getting grandma and grandpa to babysit was for the children to attend early education programs, the report says.

The study began in 2004 and more than 10,000 families agreed to take part.

Also indicated in the study was that mothers were still not breastfeeding exclusively for long enough.

The National Health and Medical Research Council (NHMRC) recommends mothers breastfeed exclusively for at least six months, but while most of the mothers who had taken part in the study had breastfed, they had not done so for long enough, the results showed.

The majority of children had diets that did not meet nutritional guidelines and many preferred less physical activities.

The lack of breastfeeding also positively correlated to incidences of wheezing in infants and a strong prediction for asthma in children aged four to five.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, children who read more - alone or with a parent - and watched less TV tended towards better developmental scores across the board.

“We know from this study how important it is to a child’s development to … spend as much time as possible everyday reading and spending time playing with children,” Ms Macklin said.

The study also showed that six per cent of children studied lived in households that had been forced to skip meals or not pay bills in order to cope with growing financial stress over the past 12 months.

However, while financial stress had an adverse affect on the child’s development, overall income levels did not - meaning children growing up in affluent households were not necessarily better off than those growing up in poorer homes or neighbourhoods.

The Growing Up in Australia report is the first comprehensive national study of Australian children over time, Ms Macklin said.

Source: The Epoch Times
http://tinyurl.com/4m2nu8

After a weekend of crawling on the floor with our granddaughter, my wife and I support nature’s decision to give the joys of parenthood to the young and leave the less strenuous or episodic side of childrearing to those of a certain age. Learning that her mom and dad were conflicted about attending a weekend wedding, we leaped at the opportunity to spend quality time with their 11-month-old ball of energy.

We had an amazing weekend; truly enjoyable but physically demanding. After raising three kids of our own and professionally caring for thousands more, we felt well equipped and up to the task. Bearing responsibility for an infant, however, is an enormous undertaking, frequently taken for granted.

Toddlers are perpetual motion machines, requiring nearly constant supervision, stimulation, care, and feeding. They are prone to tears when hungry, thirsty, wet, or bored. They may conveniently fall asleep, allowing their caregivers to do the same, or may demand to be fed, changed, or entertained at inopportune times. As children mature and families evolve, we are inclined to forget the energy, organization, and commitment necessary for successful parenting.

Children grow and develop rapidly over the first year of life. In the few weeks since we last saw our granddaughter, she has become independently mobile and is eating table food. She can pull herself to standing, allowing access to objects on table tops and low shelves. She explores with abandon, rapidly moving from room to room in search of new experiences. Of course increased mobility is fraught with danger, especially in a grandparent’s not-totally-baby-proof home. Small objects present the danger of choking or poisoning, and light plugs and wires are hazardous to kids who like to mouth or chew objects as part of the learning experience. Kitchens can be particularly dangerous if cleaning agents and chemicals are stored within reach of a curious explorer.

Even the most ordinary of events pose hazards. While soft foods that dissolve in the mouth are safe, solid foods can pose real risks for children less than 2 years of age. Objects that remain hard, or may be slippery such as hot dogs, nuts, and raw carrots are particularly dangerous, as are pitted fruits and hard candy. Grandparents should be mindful of the dangers posed to infants by the many over-the-counter and prescription medications found in their homes. As a pediatrician, I have personally cared for children who had serious or fatal experiences with each of these examples.

While intended to be comforting and enjoyable, baby’s bath time can be dangerous, as well. Check to see that the water heater or boiler is not set too hot, since children can be scalded by temperatures over 120 degrees. Never leave children alone in the tub, since, aside from a potential drowning or aspiration, their skin is thinner than that of an adult and playing with a faucet can cause severe burns. Medical histories all too frequently report that parents or caretakers, distracted by the phone, have returned to bath-time catastrophes.

To us, parenting is the world’s most important, complex and difficult job; one for which there is little or no training or realistic preparation. Our short caretaking experience reminded us of just how much energy our daughter-in-law and son invest in parenting our grandchild. Our hats are off to them and to all the other parents and caregivers attentively caring for their families’ most precious treasures. (…)

Source: Gloucester Daily Times
http://www.gloucestertimes.com/pulife/local_story_269164437.html

Better childcare will curb social ills

The first few years of a child’s life are the most important; it is in these early years that the quality of their lives is laid down. Yet too many parents who wish to nurture their children at home are being forced back to work by financial pressures when their children are still babies.

We need to level the financial playing field for parents. The current system pressurises mothers - and it is mostly mothers - into going back to work soon after their children are born. Yet the research shows that the seeds of later unhappiness and antisocial behaviour by young people are often sown by the failure of parents to form a close and loving relationship with their babies.

Society is paying a high price for the quick fix of getting mothers back to work so soon after birth.

We seem, as a society, to place economic and academic concerns well above relationships despite the latter’s crucial role in a child’s - and later an adult’s - wellbeing. Regardless of the very large body of scientific and sociological evidence, children’s policy and political thinking miss the influence of the early years on a host of social problems we face today.

I asked Dr Samantha Callan to form the Early Years Commission to study this question. Its report, which will be published tomorrow, should make compelling reading for policy makers and parents. Crucially it shows that violent and antisocial behaviour by young people can be traced back to parental neglect when they were very young. They in turn pass on this dysfunction to their own children, perpetuating the cycle.

Professor Margot Sunderland, a child mental health expert on the commission, unambiguously stated that the quality of childcare has lifelong consequences for mental health as the first three years of a child’s life are crucial for healthy brain development and psychological stability.

The yardstick of quality applies across the spectrum of childcare: parental, informal and formal. It’s not the case that home care is always good and nursery always bad. But whether it is politically correct to admit this or not, there is a “hierarchy” of quality in childcare that policy is currently ignoring.

If parents want more than anything else to be with their children most of the time in the early years, and want to give them the continuity and intensity of relationship that science says they need, then surely they are the ones best placed to provide it.

Facilitating this aspiration should be a cornerstone of childcare policy. If parents don’t want to do this or cannot (and 81% of parents said financial pressures made them return to work early), the emotional and cognitive needs of their children must still be met.

This can be done by well motivated family members, well trained nursery nurses or other childcare professionals who have the time to give them enough one-to-one care. The evidence shows that, after motivated parents, family members offer an excellent childcare source.

Yet at present they are discounted by policy makers. Worryingly the commission also heard that childcare professionals are unsure if they should even hug children and that many nurseries prioritise health and safety and administrative needs, not personal childcare. Empathy doesn’t feature in the measurement of care quality, yet it is critical.

It seems that most of the public sense that policy is wrong. When asked in our poll, 82% of adults said that more should be done to help parents who wish to stay at home in those early years and some 70% felt that parents were encouraged to put their children into daycare too soon.

We need a fairer system in which the financial sacrifice of giving up work to look after a baby is offset by extra help from the tax and benefit system. The commission’s report recommends “front-loading” child benefit so a larger proportion of the child’s total entitlement would be available during the first three years when parents most want to spend time caring for children and when attachment and intensive nurture are most important.

It also recommends transferable tax allowances to reflect the fact that, if one spouse is not working outside the home, that family requires more support from the tax system. Similarly the benefits system should not penalise low-income couples who want to live together – which requires tackling the “couple penalty”. And it proposes a change in the rules to allow working parents to use childcare tax credits to pay unregistered close relatives to look after children.

With the growing demand on mental health facilities, the rising number of children in care and the peculiarly high levels of dysfunctional family behaviour, our failure to place cognitive and social development in the early years at the heart of our policy for children is already costing us dear. It is surely time to change all of that.

Source: Times Online, UK
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/article4692207.ece

I’ve taught a fifth-grade Sunday school class for years, and my kids mostly seem to like me. That’s so, I suspect, mostly because rarely am I smarter or more mature than a fifth-grader. Invariably, likability breeds the threat of hugs.

Yes, threat. Should a little angel with outstretched arms come my way, two scenarios may unreel:

OK. I’m exaggerating. I just walk very fast. Sad as it is, in many folks’ minds, the mere mention of male mentors triggers an Amber Alert. And this air of suspicion has benched some men who in years past had stepped in to mentor kids with absent or disengaged dads.

Still, University of Florida sociologist William Marsiglio says there are men investing in kids and communities. It’s the subject of his new book, Men on a Mission: Valuing Youth Work in Our Communities.

“Men who clearly exploit kids are out there, and we need to be concerned about them,” he says, “but there are thousands and millions of men interested in and capable of . . . creating this cultural narrative that kids are important and men have as much responsibility in helping this generation as women.”

For his book, Marsiglio interviewed 55 men who served as coaches, schoolteachers, youth ministers, camp counselors, Scout leaders and volunteers with programs such as Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.

Their backgrounds and pursuits were diverse, but their motivation largely was the same:

“They wanted them [youths] to embrace this gift of giving so it didn’t stop,” Marsiglio says.

That proved more important than worrying about dirty looks and whispers. Not that the men didn’t feel the glare.

“Some were annoyed,” Marsiglio says, “but most understood, though felt strapped by it.”

Many never shook hands with kids. Some stuffed their hands in their pockets or held items to dissuade kids from reaching out.

I won’t mourn the demise of the dubious congratulatory swat on the butt some coaches deliver to young athletes. But these days, the no-touching rules in youth sports can even be interpreted to extend to high-fives.

Marsiglio agrees that the pendulum has swung too far. And it’s robbing kids of encouragement a pat on the back conveys.

“Putting your hand on a kid’s shoulder, high-fives . . . can be a very empowering experience that reinforces the positive connection that men have with kids,” he says.

No easy answers exist to counter the media-hyped notion that Americans face a predator around every corner, he says. But he says the solution probably is anchored in common sense.

“Giving a kid a side-hug with 10 other folks around should raise fewer flags than something that might be done in private,” he says.

The National Fatherhood Initiative soon will reveal a new study that explores the collateral damage of a father’s absence and puts the annual public costs of it to the federal government at $100 billion.

Male mentoring, though not a panacea, long has stood in the gap. I doubt that even Uncle Sam’s deep pockets can afford the cost our communities will pay if the prevailing climate continues to force stand-up men to sit down.

Source: Orlando Sentinel, FL
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/orl-owens0708jun07,0,4787136.column

I went to a very good workshop with our children’s librarian, Karen Mills, last week at the Salem Library. It was sponsored through Chemeketa Community Regional Library Service’s Ready-to-Read grant administered through the State Library.

It was titled “Fun and Facts of Early Literacy in Storytime: Partnering with Caregivers for Success.” It was given by Saroj Ghoting who is an early childhood literacy consultant.

As a former children’s librarian, I had been to three or four workshops about the importance of reading to your children early on in their lives. This was the most complete.

Saroj gave us some startling facts, such as: there is nearly a 90 percent probability a child will remain a poor reader at the end of the fourth grade if the child is a poor reader at the end of the first grade. Knowledge of alphabet letters when a child enters kindergarten is a strong predictor of reading ability in 10th grade.

Roughly 35 percent of children in the United States enter school without the skills necessary to learn to read, and one study found the typical middle-class child enters first grade with 1,000 to 1,700 hours of one-on-one picture- book reading, whereas a child from a low-income family averages just 25 hours.

What can a parent or caregiver do to give these children a head start in reading? First, I’m biased when I say bring those preschoolers to storytime at the library.

This is a quote from “Becoming a Nation of Readers”: “The single most important activity for building the knowledge required for eventual success in reading is reading aloud to children. This is especially so during the preschool years.”

Vocabulary is learned from books more than from normal conversation with adults or children or from television exposure. Don’t wait until the child is ready for school.

I’m not saying that you should teach a child to read before they enter school, but prepare them to get ready to learn to read.

What a parent can do to help get a child be ready to read: talk with your child about what is going on around you. Read together every day. When you talk about the story and pictures, your child hears and learns more words.

Grandparents: you can help too. Read to those precious grandbabies, and pass this column on to your adult children.

Source: Statesman Journal, OR
http://tinyurl.com/6r57te

It drives me crazy. How can I get her to back off without hurting her feelings?

The question

My mother’s driving me crazy with her criticism of my parenting.

She’s always saying we spoil our children, going on and on about how she did it in her day, and so on.

I actually blew up at her on Mother’s Day and I feel incredibly guilty. I love her to death, but it makes me crazy when she criticizes me about my kids. I think I’m doing a good job. How can I get her to back off without hurting her feelings?

The answer

Well, on the one hand, don’t even get me started about how annoying unsolicited parenting advice can be.

For years I was a stay-at-home dad.

Moms complain about all the unsolicited advice they get from random busybodies, sanctimonious babushkas and Nosy Parkers on the street.

But imagine, ladies, when they got a load of me!

A huge, stubbled, confused-looking man pulling a bottle of “express milk” out of the cargo pocket of his army pants and jamming it in the craw of his screaming, tomato-faced kid, trying to shut him up.

The babushka would freeze, her hump tingling with anticipation. Her whole life - all 176 years of it - was a preparation for this moment. Throwing herself in the path of my stroller, she would point an ancient, crooked finger like a gnarly old oak twig at my then-infant son, Nicholas (who’s now a brilliant, beautiful, eminently sensible and exquisitely sensitive 11-year-old, by the way, babushkas of the world), and croak out her edict: “Your baby cold! Needs another layer!”

Or - and this one would always kill me - “He needs his mommy!”

That line was like a knife in my heart, would make me want to drop to my knees, clutch the hem of the babushka’s traditional mourning garment and sob: “No, babushka, no … don’t say … that …”

But all I ever did was smile and say: “Thank you for your input. You’ve certainly given me something to think about.” And roll Nick away with a frozen rictus of faux gratitude affixed to my kisser.

Why? Because, ladies, that became, in time, my policy.

At first, I would bristle and argue; but I came to realize there was no point, it was a fruitless waste of energy. People who love giving free, unsolicited advice are not going to change their ways just because you act haughty and say something frosty. All you do is create friction and bad blood.

And sometimes, horribly, the busybodies actually have a point. If you drop the bristling and listen, from time to time you can get good advice, even in this unsolicited, off-the-street format.

It can be tough to implement this “smile and say thanks” policy, I know - especially, I found, in the face of parenting wisdom from people who don’t actually have kids themselves.

And FYI, having “nieces and nephews” does not confer expert parenting status on you, people. Anyone can be an uncle. You come in, distribute a few presents, a toy or two, some loose change, maybe bust a couple of magic tricks, then leave on a high note, bidding adieu, pressing your bunched fingers to your lips.

Trust me, there are times we parents would also like to leave on a high note, bidding adieu, pressing our fingers to our lips. But we don’t have that option.

Unlike various aunts and uncles, though, your mother does have a lot of direct parenting experience - from raising you.

Second, parenting has changed unbelievably since her day. And sometimes (like when I go to a restaurant where someone has brought their kids) I think parents of previous generations have a point when they say our kids are spoiled, undisciplined and obnoxious, and we’re too precious with them.

I think of my kids as reasonably well-behaved, but after a weekend in the care of my wife’s parents, I’m amazed at the transformation: When we arrive back home, they file out of the kitchen, in single file, hair parted neatly on one side, seen but not heard, practically addressing my wife, Pam, and I as “Sir” and “Madam.”

Of course, it only lasts until the grandparents’ car disappears down the street, but sometimes one can’t help but wonder: What if they were like that all the time?

Now I’m not qualified to say what way of bringing up kids is better or worse. All children are different and so are all parents. Suffice it to say you could probably learn a lot from your mother if you stopped bristling and being defensive.

But you’re responsible for how your kids turn out. Therefore you have the final say in how to handle them. There is such a thing as being polite yet firm, of saying something such as: “Thanks, Mom, I appreciate it, but I prefer to do it this way.”

Still, you owe her an apology. She gave birth to you in pain and suffering. She had horrible nights and frustrating days with you, as you now know. She compromised her dreams, ideals, figure, social life, rest, independence and so much else to protect you and keep you warm, dry and happy, as you now know.

She’s owed at least one day on which she is honoured with unstinting patience and tolerance. Since you ruined that with your outburst, why not make it up with a bunch of flowers, maybe a nice dinner and a card that reads: “Mom, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, including and especially bestowing upon me the gift of life.”

Because hey: If she hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t be around to feel irritated, now, would you?

Source: Globe and Mail, Canada
http://tinyurl.com/4ga7bo

Grandmothers are watching in horror as their children turn into over-ambitious, competitive parents with pampered, demanding offspring, according to a new report into how women’s experience of motherhood has changed over the generations.

Baby-boomers who brought up children in a time when they say they were allowed to just ‘get on with it’ say their daughters are being put under huge pressure to rigidly control everything in their own babies’ lives, from food intake and exercise to after-school Mandarin lessons.

‘Women who became mothers in the 1950s to 1970s recalled a time when mothering was more taken for granted and they just “got on with it”,’ said Professor Rachel Thomson, co-director of The Making Of Modern Motherhood report.

‘They didn’t recognise the modern pressure and compulsion on parents to be constantly busy and sociable, taking their children to every class available, being up to date on endless independent research into everything from developmental goals to nutrition while also balancing work and family,’ said Thomson.

She found that grandmothers believed the range of choices available to their daughters not only turned mothering into a competition, but also undermined their daughters’ confidence in their ability to care for their children. ‘The gains offered by this story of progress were dwarfed by the losses in the grandmothers’ eyes,’ she said, ‘including the creation of demanding babies and an intensification of the rhythms of daily life.’

Thomson interviewed mothers as they prepared for the birth of their first child. She then met them a year later, when she also interviewed their grandmothers and great-grandmothers, as well as partners, friends and families.

Vikki White, head of marketing at the Mothers’ Union, was sceptical of the findings. ‘These are very middle-class concerns,’ she said. ‘Modern mothers are stressed by their work/life balance, by the size of their mortgages and by the blame that’s piled on them over the negative bits of youth culture, but I don’t think many are stressed by the choice of whether to take their child to baby massage or baby yoga classes.’

But Juliet Chalk, a mother of two young boys, agreed with the report. ‘Mothers who have been used to taking on the responsibilities of a demanding career have a tendency to approach parenting in the same way. I did it myself with my first child: I endlessly researched the most up-to-date developmental targets, and set goals and deadlines for my children.

‘The pressure on mothers to behave like this hugely increases the stress of parenting,’ she said. ‘We would be far better going back to when we didn’t feel we had to fill up our children’s time with endless classes and distractions.’

Thomson also found that daughters disagreed with their mothers over the pressures of modern parenting. ‘Not all daughters looked to their mothers as sources of advice and authority,’ she said.

Women who had their first babies between 26 and 35 and were more socially mobile than their mothers admitted in the interviews that they paid little attention to their mothers’ fears.

‘They were having such a different experience to their mothers that they were likely to endorse contemporary versions of mothering,’ said Thomson. ‘Instead of turning to their mothers, they relied on peers, books, websites and modern experts. They relished all the choices open to them, believing it all helped them create happy, stimulated children.’

Source: The Observer, UK
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/apr/06/children

Visitors to France who are tempted to admire the impeccable manners and subdued behaviour common among French children may reflect that this result is often obtained at a sinister cost.

French parents are the most heavy-handed in Europe according to a study this week which shows that practically the entire French population suffered a spanking or at least a smack as a child, and nearly nine out of ten adults have administered one.

In addition, nearly a quarter of French parents have slapped their children on the face and 10 per cent admit to punishing their offspring with a “martinet”, a small whip resembling a cat o’ nine tails, according to the Union of Families in Europe (UFE).

The martinet is still widely on sale in France. An alarming 30 per cent of French children said they had been punished with a martinet according to the survey.
The UFE survey of 2,000 French grandparents, parents and children found that within the three generations 95 per cent of adults and 96 per cent of children have been smacked.

It found that 84 per cent of grandparents and 87 per cent of parents have administered the punishment.

Some 58 per cent of grandparents admitted to itching to give their grandchildren an occasional smack.

“The figures are impressive. Basically we have all been smacked. Even more surprising is that most people - even children - think the smacks they got were fair,” said UEF’s Marie-Françoise Sabellico.

According to the study, 62 per cent of grandparents, 64 per cent of parents and 55 per cent of children think that the smacks they received were deserved. (…)

“It is scientifically proven that corporal punishment of all kinds harms the child. A smack is never to improve the child and always to relieve the parent,” said Jacqueline Cornet of the French campaigning group No Hits No Smacks.

The situation does not look likely to improve with future generations. When asked how they planned to discipline their own children when they become parents, 64 per cent of French children responded “the same”.

Source: Scotsman, United Kingdom
http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/international.cfm?id=1914792007

TV parenting programmes do not provide the best advice to parents worried about bringing up their children, a Government minister has warned.

Beverley Hughes, the minister for children, said mothers and fathers needed parenting classes and face-to-face advice from trained professionals to help them through difficulties.

She was speaking at the launch of the new National Academy for Parenting Practitioners, which will train professionals who work with parents in how to offer support. Ms Hughes said parenting TV shows were often “compulsive” viewing but did not provide the whole answer.

She said: “Parenting programmes make for fascinating television, but for real help that makes a difference, parents need support from someone who is properly trained. That is why the new national academy is going to play such an important role.” …

Ms Hughes continued: “There is a clamour from parents for support with their children, and we want them to know that at some stage while their children are growing up it will be perfectly natural to ask for help.”

Parents can often learn from each other while chatting with other mums and dads informally, she said.

“At the same time, parenting classes can replace some of the informal support that may be missing in today’s society,” she said…

Ms Hughes added: “Fathers and grandfathers are really important. We know that strong father figures are role models that can have a beneficial impact on a child’s development. We need to make sure that when children’s centres and schools talk about parents, they don’t just focus on mothers.”

Source: The Press Association
http://ukpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5hFKZXA25HXMcLTsVh1GS8yjLai9g