As the graduating class of 2008 enters the workforce, they may be surprised to find that even before setting foot into an interview, they’ve already been judged.

Generation Y, the name given to people born predominantly in the ’80s and ’90s, has had somewhat of a negative connotation.

The attitude that today’s young people are more self-centered and narcissistic has been publicized by articles in newspapers and magazines with headlines that read, “For today’s kids, everything is all about them,” “Is Gen Y Really All That Narcissistic?” and “The Most-Praised Generation Goes to Work.”

Dr. Jean M. Twenge, associate professor of psychology at San Diego State University, has conducted research on Generation Y and has written a book based on her 13 years of research and the responses of 1.3 million young people who completed questionnaires, that have been given from the ’50s to today.

According to her Web site, “Generation Me” is different from previous generations in that it believes that individual needs should come first. “Generation Me” has grown up with phrases such as “Be yourself,” and “You must love yourself before you can love someone else,” she stated on her Web site.

The encouragement that “Generation Me” has grown up with contributes to the disappointment they experience when faced with the reality of a competitive world, Twenge said on her Web site.

Generation Y has received a lot of attention, but is this generation really that different? Are Baylor students anymore different then past generations of students?

Diaz-Granados couldn’t say whether students are really more narcissistic today, but recalled when he played sports as a kid and how rewards were given based on accomplishments.

“In my day and age, when I was playing sports, there were clear winners and losers,” he said.

Diaz-Granados acknowledged a difference with young kids in sports today.

Using his own children’s soccer games as an example, Diaz-Granados said, “Anybody that plays half the time gets a trophy.”

Dr. Sara Dolan, assistant professor in the psychology and neuroscience department and core clinical faculty member, remembered her childhood years as different from kids growing up today.

“My parents’ theory of my success is that if I work hard enough, I could achieve what I wanted to, but they certainly encourage me to do things that I have a natural talent for,” she said. “I do feel like students today are certainly more confident in themselves than the people of my generation.”

The pressure is on for today’s generation, who has grown up with a mentality that anything is possible, Dolan said.

“I do feel like there is a lot more pressure for students these days to achieve these goals whether they are attainable or not,” Dolan said.

When students realize that they may never be able to achieve certain goals, their reaction to reality may be catastrophic, Dolan said.

Cynthia Wall, staff psychologist, deals with eating disorder cases at the counseling center and has witnessed the downside to the can-have-it-all mentality.

Though she said she has seen conflicting data on whether or not perfectionism in body image can be associated with generational differences, Wall recognized that today’s youth face pressures that can lead to unhealthy eating habits to attain the “perfect” body.

“I do think there is a significant amount of pressure put on the younger generation to have it all,” she said.

Genetic differences play a role in the build of one’s body. Sometimes no matter what a person does, they may never be able to achieve the “perfect” body that they desire, Wall said.

Does this mean that parents should stop encouraging their children to shoot for the stars? Not always, Diaz-Granados said.

In the case of sport rewards, he sees the positive sentiment.

“You don’t want to make a child feel like a failure,” he said.

With that said, Diaz-Granados said he found encouragement of children to be a nice sentiment, but not always beneficial.

“I do think that it is a very nice sentiment to say that anything is possible, but I don’t think you can argue with the fact that there is a difference in aptitude,” he said.

There have been times where Diaz-Granados said he had to give students a reality check on their expectations.

For instance, when a student with a low grade point average decided that he was going to go to medical school, Diaz-Granados would have to tell him, “No, you’re not.”

“There’s some benefit in encouraging, but if it drives an individual to persist in something they aren’t good at, it can be very damaging,” he said.

There is definitely a distribution of talent among all people, Diaz-Granados said.

Diaz-Granados also said he tries to be realistic when students come to him with questions about their major.

“When students ask me what they should major in, I tell them that you should major in something that you have an interest in and then consider aptitude,” he said.

Rewards given that aren’t based on performance have been criticized with instilling a sense of entitlement among children. According to some, this attitude has carried on into the work force as these children become adults and could pose a problem in how Americans workers rank compared to foreign competition.

According to a 2007 study conducted by CareerBuilder.com, 87 percent of the 2,546 surveyed hiring managers and Human Resource professionals working in industries across the board concluded that “Gen Y workers feel more entitled in terms of compensation, benefits and career advancement than older generations.”

In comparison to other generation of workers, the survey also showed that 55 percent of the employers over the age of 35 feel that Generation Y have a problem responding to direction and authority.

In his book The World Is Flat, Thomas L Friedman calls attention to the problems of today’s American workforce.

In a section titled, “Dirty Little Secret #3: The Ambition Gap,” Friedman addresses the poor work ethics of American students by including correspondence from a college professor named Mike Arguello who worried that Americans are losing high-paying jobs to more qualified foreign competition who will work harder for less pay and benefits.

If the assessments of American workers are inaccurate, then the effects of such a label on an entire generation could be detrimental, Judy Bowman, senior lecturer in economics, said.

When little differences causes employers to assume something about an entire group, “It’s statistical discrimination, and it’s quite unfair,” she said.

Bowman sees some difference but not an extreme difference in the attitude of Generation Y from her generation.

“I don’t think you are more narcissistic than we were,” she said.

Instead of taking spring break to party, there are kids who go and volunteer, Diaz-Granados said.

“I see this generation being really aware of the planet, and that is not the case with putting me first,” he said.

New technology has given birth to Facebook and MySpace for Generation Y to use as a new form of self-promotion, but it does not prove that they are more self-centered.

It’s a different outlet for student to promote themselves, “but it doesn’t make a statement of wholesale personality change,” Diaz-Granados said.

A problem that Bowman does see with today’s students is their lack of class attendance.

“I have some classes where I have a hard time getting my students to come to class,” she said. “Certainly, we have a problem with work ethic and it is reflected in student absences.”

The gap in education has been attributed to parents who interfere with teachers’ curriculums because they feel that the course work is too difficult and that kids need time to be kids. Thus, they set low expectation for their children said a fifth grade teacher in a letter to Friedman.

Parental involvement not only exists in grade school, but has also extended into students’ time in college.

Wall noted a difference in parental involvement in students’ lives today as she described her personal experience with her own parents.

“The parental unit that I grew up with and parents then tend to be hands-off,” she said. “The authority of schools and teachers were respected.”

The calls that Wall has received from parents are at time in the best interest of the child, but sometimes it’s not.

“They [parents] are trying to pave the way for their child instead of letting them handle it on their own,” she said. “A lot of the time they are trying to affect a change somehow in the decisions that their child is making or will be making.”

The appropriate time for parents to become involved is when the student is becoming dysfunctional, Wall said. Otherwise, she takes the student’s needs and concerns into account over the opinions of the parents.

Diaz-Granados has also received calls from parents on a couple of occasions. Helicopter parents hold their children back by leaving them in a state of protracted adolescence, he said.

“Their independence is put off for a while, and the degree of independence, of self-reliance or accountability then is being delay or put off,” Diaz-Granados said.

Source: Baylor University The Lariat Online, TX
http://www.baylor.edu/lariat/news.php?action=story&story=50768

When you’re trying to convince people not to hit their kids, it’s sometimes best to use a gentle hand, or even some crayons.

That was the philosophy behind the No Spank Day Family Event on the weekend at Devonshire Mall.

The Windsor Essex Children’s Aid Society put it on in the lead up to International No Spank Day on April 30.

“We’re finding that if we do a parenting event, and talk to parents about positive discipline and discourage the use of corporal punishment, that they’re more open and willing to listen to us than if we were out picketing against spanking,” said Tina Gatt, CAS manager of Public Relations and Prevention.

International No Spank Day began a decade ago. The idea is to get caregivers who use corporal punishment to refrain hitting children on that day, and seek alternative discipline methods from there on.

The CAS child abuse prevention committee put on the weekend event with face painting and crafts for the kids, and information for the parents.

The CAS also had on display the winning entries of the third annual Kent Billinghurst Positive Parenting Award, named after the late advocate and educator.

The contest, in which kids nominate their parents, allows children to focus on the good things their moms and dads are doing. There were more than 200 entries.

The winner was Livia Tipping, 9, a Grade 4 Lakeshore Discovery student, who sent in a drawing of her family and an explanation of why her parents are great.

“My parents are good role models because they don’t swear, hit or yell,” she wrote. “They encourage me by cheering me on and congratulating me. They are positive and don’t give up. They teach me to go for my dreams.”

Gatt said that’s an example of the positive effects parents can have by not spanking.

“Even if it doesn’t leave physical injuries on children, it does create an impairment in the relationship,” she said. “What kids end up saying is my mom or my dad doesn’t like me, I’m bad. It’s really taking the focus away from the behaviour.”

She said parents should instead instead focus on the consequences of actions. Removal of privileges might be an answer, she said.

Katrina Brunelle, 20, said her approach is talking to her two-year-old twins Caden and Damon.

“If they don’t understand what they did wrong, guide them in the other direction,” she said.

Chris and Melissa Etches try to be positive with their children, two-and-a-half year old Chelsea and two-month old Hannah.

“There are other ways of getting discipline,” said Chris. “We try to stay with positive reinforcement. Tell her what she does right, other than what she does wrong.”

Gatt said they still got a lot of resistance from some people. But that’s OK.

“It gives us opportunity to really engage people that are still resistant, that still have very outdated beliefs around parenting,” she said. “We feel like we’re making more impact when we’re not just preaching to the converted.” (…)

Seventeen countries have outlawed corporal punishment. Canada isn’t one of them. Sweden was the first in 1979. The most recent was Spain in 2007.

Source: Windsor Star, Canada
http://tinyurl.com/43jcvb

There’s nothing like a conversation with a behaviour specialist to make a you second-guess how to discipline your children.

The way Ronald Morrish sees it, parents should be second-guessing.

The author of Secrets of Discipline and With All Due Respect says the parents of today need to give their heads a shake. Our discipline methods are turning our children into manipulative, defiant monsters. The trouble, he says, is that we have adopted a parenting culture of rewards and consequences.

“I think it’s a world full of shortcuts. People don’t want to supervise their children, they don’t want to train their children,” Morrish says during a recent phone interview from his home in Ontario’s Niagara region.

“It always comes back to the basics of putting in the time.”

He says today’s popular discipline puts choice in the hands of children. Parents should be guiding their children to do the right thing, he argues, not punishing them for doing the wrong thing.

I like his message, though I may not agree with everything he says. It’s a commonsense approach that speaks to me as a parent. I have had my share of difficult parenting moments that left me feeling infuriated and helpless. I struggle with different approaches to discipline. And I often rely on rewards and consequences. But they don’t always work and I am willing to try something that will.

Judging from Morrish’s packed schedule of speaking engagements across North America every year, many parents are craving a new approach.

“It might surprise you, but the first step is to change your view from thinking discipline is what you do when children do things wrong to what you do so children do things right.”

He says many parents and educators approach discipline negatively, reacting when a child misbehaves instead of assuring that they behave properly.

One thing parents can do, he says, is to limit the child’s choices to the ones that are appropriate.

He says “If” - “then” statements are tricky: “If you do that again, you’re going to your room.” That statement tells the child that they can continue the bad behaviour if they don’t mind going to their room. It gives them a choice they shouldn’t have. A better approach, he says, is to say: “We don’t speak that way in our home, now start over.”

The idea is to correct the child so he does it right, not give him consequences for doing it wrong.

Much of what Morrish talks about requires parents to change the language they use. I can’t count how many times I have used “If”¦ then” statements with poor results. You really have to pay attention to what you say and how you say it. Morrish is a believer in using firm, authoritative language that leaves no room for debate, an approach some critics find harsh or even old-fashioned.

The father of two adults and two teenagers, Morrish, 59, wrote Secrets of Discipline 10 years ago because he thought society had moved away from practical parenting. One symptom, he says, are parents who pay their children to do chores. Children are supposed to help from their heart, not because there’s money in it for them.

“That’s one of the lowest levels of moral development of human beings, where the only reason you do something is because it’s advantageous, not because it’s right. And that’s really pathetic.”

Stop taking shortcuts and start doing the real work, he says. When children are misbehaving, don’t just sit and yell at them and expect results.

“In this business you don’t move your voice, you move your feet,” he says. “You go where your children are and you lower your voice and become firm.”

“Bedtime as an event is half an hour to an hour. Bedtime as a routine is five to 10 minutes with no arguing.”

Morrish acknowledges that parents and teachers face tough challenges and lots of questions. He jokes that he will never be out of work. He hears from many parents who are desperate for answers about how to raise their children. The challenges start early.

“You’re a servant the first year and a half of a child’s life,” he says. “And when you shift to being a parent, you flip the child’s world upside down from where we do what the child demands to where they have to learn to do what we demand. And they spend the next year and a half trying to put the world back the way it was.”

When you listen to what Morrish says, you hear a mix of frustration and hope in his voice. He keeps travelling (something he hates) and working with teachers and parents (something he loves) because he sees the difference it makes. And he knows the last thing parents want are manipulative and defiant children.

“You can always count on parents to love their children and want great children.”

Source: Telegraph-Journal, Canada
http://telegraphjournal.canadaeast.com/magazine/article/271332

Punishing a child, even with the mild `naughty step’, may suppress bad behaviour, but probably won’t stop it happening again, according to a man heralded as America’s `most eminent living child psychologist’.

However, he insists: “The book isn’t about disparaging the advice in other books; what it’s about is what you do before behaviour, and then how you praise it afterwards. If you do it this special way, the results are unbelievable.”

To illustrate his method, Kazdin uses the example of a child having a tantrum - although he stresses that the time for the child to learn the `positive opposite’ of their behaviour is when they have calmed down afterwards.

The parent should tell the child they’re going to play a game, with the same scenario that caused the tantrum. But in the game he/she can’t get angry and if he/she manages that, he/she can have a star which will ultimately lead to a reward.

If the child does this, says Dr Kazdin, the praise should be effusive, and the parent should touch him/her. The `game’ should then be practised four or five times a week for a few weeks - by which time the positive behaviour should be the child’s automatic response.

“The child has to know what he can get ahead of time. The process changes the brain and it will lock it in as a habit.”

He points out that humans are `hard-wired’ to pick up negative behaviour. “Don’t focus on what the child shouldn’t do - turn it around, and look at the child’s positive behaviours. If you punish, it won’t suppress the behaviour, except at that moment.”

He stresses that his method doesn’t need to be used long-term, pointing out: “The intention is that you build the frame of the method around your child’s changing behaviour, but that once the desired behaviour takes deeper root you quickly scale down the frame and then take it down entirely.”

Dr Kazdin claims his method also improves life for parents.

“It’s about getting parents to act in a different way. Once they practise alternatives to punishment, they get results from their child. Parental stress and depression go down, family relationships improve and home life is made much less stressful,” he said.

Source: Manchester Evening News, UK
http://tinyurl.com/2o9ga2

In my adult life I have desperately tried to always see the glass as half full. Remaining positive is very important to who I am. Perhaps it is this very desire to remain positive that drew me into motherhood as well as into the field of education. Well-placed praise and truly knowing who my children are have kept me satisfied.

Even before I had children, I loved watching the interactions of parents and children. I always felt it was a lucky child who had a parent who snatched them up at the end of the slide and squealed, “You did it! Great Job!”, then proceeded to swing the child around, place them back on their feet and said, “Do it again.” The child with a grin that touched the clouds and a spring in their wobbly gate happily complied.

Another fond memory before I became a parent is that of the profound teachers in my life. I had an algebra teacher in high school who believed in me and bolstered me through every class. He knew the subject matter did not come easy to me, but he had a seemingly endless amount of encouragement.

There was one time when I received a test back two days after going for extra help. The grade was not good. I felt, and must have looked dejected. A lesser teacher would have told me, “Try harder” or “You didn’t prepare well enough.” Not Mr. Lamb. He told me, “This was a hard test. You did your best. It will get better.” These comments were exactly what I needed to hear.

My wise father would teach us, “There is no point in kicking a man when he is down, it is better to offer a hand up.’ That is exactly what my teacher did for me.

In my field of parent education, praise is a hotly debated topic. One side of the debate is that praise is detrimental to a child’s development. Proponents of this argument believe that the child who is praised often will then only seek to do well when there is praise or a reward attached.

Hollow praise that is not beneficial would sound more like this, “You ignored that slide and never even tried to climb it, that’s fine you are still great” or “Well, even though you didn’t study for your test, you still got a 60. That’s pretty good.”

Now here is where I want to explain that at times our praise is attached to an excuse and is not hollow. We as parents should be experts on our children, their first teacher, and also their protector. Let us stay with the “child on a slide” example.

Perhaps there is a child that is fearful of slides or maybe their challenge is more physical and the difficulty is lack of leg strength or coordination. Flash to the playground; imagine that this child circles around the slide, climbs up two stairs, then back down. It is evident to you that the child is genuinely trying to master their fear or disability. Now it would be appropriate to acknowledge not the minimal accomplishment, but the genuine attempt.

There is no shame in being an expert on your child and at times protecting them with excuses. The toddler who hides behind mom’s leg at grandma’s house is not necessarily being rude. That is when it is OK for the parent to speak up and tell grandma, “Suzy is slow to warm up to new situations. She will come out of her shell with a little time and patience.” This reasoning gives Suzy a clear message that mom understands her, yet mom also leaves the door open for change.

The lesson for all of us as parents is to really know our children. Know when to give well placed praise and encouragement. Know also where our children’s struggles lie, so we can guide and protect them as they grow.

Sometimes this involves giving an expert explanation (a.k.a. as an excuse). Do what is best for your child, in doing so your glass will always be half full. (…)

Source: Milford Daily News, USA
http://www.milforddailynews.com/opinion_columnists/x163547502

University research associate Jessica Fanning is now known as the “Supernanny” of Eugene.

Fanning helped coach parents in an intervention program, and University researchers found that children whose parents received training improved their cognitive ability and other brain functions. The coached parents also reduced family stress within the home. The preliminary research, which was recently presented at the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Boston, is part of an ongoing study of brain development.

Reality television does not always accurately portray parent coaching, Fanning said.

“I think parents watch ‘Supernanny’ and see these routines and think they can do it,” Fanning said. “They try it out, but because they don’t understand the fundamental pieces that go with it, and because it’s for entertainment value, I don’t think they have success.”

TV shows and other resources conflict with one another and can confuse parents, Fanning said. A mother-in-law, for example, could tell a mother what not to do, or a fellow grocery shopper in the market could scold a parent.

“A lot of people say not to do this or that, but I really actively try not to come about it like that because parents are already getting that,” Fanning said. “If anything, I’d like parents to become critical consumers so they can analyze and evaluate a program.”

Researchers at the University’s Brain Development Lab headed the study and asked parents whose children were enrolled at Head Start to participate. Parents were randomly assigned to either receive coaching, or their children were assigned to a control group. Parents of 14 preschool-aged children from low-income families attended two-hour coaching sessions for eight weeks. Parents took home techniques taught by coaches to try them at home.

Coaches, for example, taught parents how to praise children, according to a slideshow presented at the AAAS meeting. Coaches also showed parents how to use consistent discipline with clear expectations and consequences.

Meanwhile, all of the children’s brains were scanned, and parents answered survey questions after the classes. Researchers found that children whose parents received coaching showed improvements in memory and language-acquisition skills, or the ability to understand a language and follow directions. Parents were also able to reduce behavioral problems, according to the study.

“In this short time period, parents learn enough about themselves to become aware of their own behavior, and they become amazingly skilled with analyzing their own behaviors as they occur - their self-monitoring skills,” Fanning said.

Parents have a powerful role in their children’s development, research associate Courtney Stevens said.

“What’s most compelling about this research is that we could work with the parents, and it seemed to have a trickle-down effect on the child,” Stevens said.

Stevens said she is interested in how parents influence children.

“We’re in a society that values the idea that anyone can just pick themselves up by their bootstraps and create their own destiny, yet we know there are a lot of barriers to do that,” Stevens said. “This research is finding out what some of the places are where we have the potential to create positive change in a child’s environment.”

The research is also part of a bigger study involving brain research at the University.

Psychology professor Helen Neville, head of the Brain Development Lab, said the lab is finding out how brain development changes with experience.

“For a long time, it was thought that the human brain was genetically determined and was organized or fixed at or before birth,” Neville said, adding current research is proving that early life experiences alter the brain’s organization. “By doing this kind of research, it gives us an idea about the factors that are relevant in human development.” (…)

Source: Oregon Daily Emerald, OR
http://tinyurl.com/2gd4c8

(…) In the spring of 2004, Sweden was awash with debate about the growing prevalence of so-called “curling parents”. Drawing an analogy with the sport of curling, the phrase refers to parents who rush ahead of their children, frantically sweeping their path clean of even the most minor obstructions.

The phrase was coined by Danish child psychologist Bent Hougaard in a challenge to the perceived status quo. Parents had become slaves to their children, who ruled the roost, rejecting adult authority in all its forms.

The discourse was joined later by “helicopter parents,” a term describing parents who pay very close attention to their children, hovering around them at all times.

In recent months, parenting in Sweden has again been under the microscope, with some 20,000 parents turning to state-sponsored parenting courses for help last year. But the courses are controversial and experts fear a traditionalist backlash.

Critics argue that the courses signify the return of shaming and the naughty step. Advocates however contend that the courses, which focus on behaviour, work.

Is Sweden, proud of a more “enlightened”, cooperative approach to parenting, losing faith in itself and rediscovering a more “traditional”, hands-on approach to raising its children?

Lars H. Gustafsson, paediatrician and author of several books on children and youth, is critical of the broad application of parenting courses and writes that many of the methods taught in courses such as Komet and Cope are not suitable for the average family. Many of the methods are designed for families with serious problems and could be counterproductive when applied universally, he argues.

“I want to emphasize that I am positive to the idea that parents should meet and discuss parenting, but there should be more of a menu of courses that parents can choose between. It is the content that I react against. There is an important distinction between treatment therapy for families with serious problems and the majority of parents that can manage perfectly well,” says Gustafsson.

Agneta Hellström at Cope, just one of the courses available to parents in Sweden, argues that attitudes have changed over the past thirty years and that state-sponsored courses are not as controversial as they were in the 1970s and 1980s.

“The courses are offered to parents and not imposed upon them. In my experience there has been a professionalization of parenthood. In the same way that the owner of a boat wishes to learn to sail, parents wish to learn to develop in their new roles. The courses are very much part of an ‘empowerment programme’ and it is the parents and not the course leader who shape the content.”

Gustafsson agrees that the courses are not as controversial and parents are less sceptical towards authorities today. “They should be though,” he warns, adding that “the recent vigorous media debate is perhaps an indication that there remains a healthy scepticism to being told by society how to be a parent.”

He reacts against the behaviour focus of many of the modern courses and would like to see courses focused more on “interplay,” “teamwork” and “parental dialogue.”

“Along the lines of a French language study circle.”

Methods such as “time out” and ignoring the child have been the focus of much of the debate. The “time out” method is argued by Gustafsson to be reminiscent of the “room arrest” that was once common in parenting. “Room arrest” was cited by the government in 1979 as an example of what could be considered a “prohibited violation of the rights of a child” and thus equivalent to the use of corporal punishment and thereby prohibited by the new legislation.

Sweden was the first country in the world to outlaw the corporal punishment of children, in 1979. In fact the right of parents to beat their children was removed in 1966.

Hellström argues that the “time out” method has been misunderstood. The method, she emphasizes, should be used selectively and only to “break a vicious circle,” in extreme cases, such as when the child is hitting another child.

“Time out is part of the ‘positive reinforcement’ taught in Cope’s courses and does not mean room arrest,” Hellström explains.

“It is important that parents remain in control. Time out is a so-called ’sharp tool’ - a means of breaking a more negative situation and reinforcing a positive one,” she adds.

It was not until after the end of the Second World War that physical punishment and shaming began to be questioned as methods of parenting in Sweden, Gustafsson writes in ‘The return of the naughty step.’

Children’s author Astrid Lindgren created the characters of Pippi Longstocking, Emil, Madicken and Ronja and was influential in embedding new attitudes towards children and parenting in the Swedish popular self-identity that led to a re-think in the 1970s and early 1980s.

“I was part of the process to develop parenting courses in the beginning of the 1980s. The thought was that we would develop a three-stage process taking the child up to school age, but financial concerns came in the way. Even then we were careful to avoid the word ‘education’ and we went for ‘parent groups’ instead,” Gustafsson tells The Local.

Hellström argues that today’s parents are not familiar with the 1970s tradition and seek “concrete, pedagogical methods for improving their daily lives with their children.”

One such “concrete” method is the so-called “balance of trust.” Deposits are made, in the form of praise, gold stars or “quality time” and, later, withdrawals in the form of punishments. Hellström emphasizes that it is important to consider what we mean by punishment.

“If I turn off the TV because it is time for my child to get to bed is that really a punishment? - It doesn’t fit the Swedish definition.”

Hellström compares this “balance of trust” to an employment contract that most adults at some point enter into. “Built on an agreement and most importantly, renegotiable”

The National Institute of Public Health (Folkhälsoinstitutet) has developed parenting courses in a Swedish cultural context. Sven Bremberg at the institute explains to The Local that “foreign” methods such as “time out” have been consciously omitted from its new parenting course material which has an emphasis on “warmth and limits.”

The popularity of parental courses could be argued to be a result of a period of introspection by parents prompted by the curling and helicopter debates. So what of the children?

One might ask whether these parenting courses aren’t more for the benefit of parents struggling to find a balance to “life’s puzzle” in the high-stress, “I want it all” 2000s, than for their children. Children are one more piece of the puzzle needing to be effectively managed; squeezed in alongside a career, a rewarding social life and free-time activities. Hence the focus on controlling behaviour, or perhaps more accurately, output. Gustafsson agrees:

“The definition of normality has narrowed in today’s society. That which was once considered normal is now considered to be deviant. Take sleep for example. Small children sleep badly, that’s normal, but parents today live with such tight schedules they cannot run the risk of their child having a bad night’s sleep.”

“I miss the children’s perspective,” he concludes.

Source: The Local, Sweden
http://www.thelocal.se/10282/20080305/

When math instruction is limited to drills and memorization, children and parents can begin to see it as a boring task. Although 80 percent of traditional mathematics teaching relies on memorization, parents can make math more fun and approachable by linking it to real-world examples.

“Memorization of math facts and formulas is an important part of math instruction,” explains (Insert name, title) of Sylvan Learning Center. “But in order for children to really understand even basic math facts, they must discover them. Using games and activities is a fun way to encourage math discovery in children.”

To help parents use games to teach math, the experts at Sylvan Learning Center, the leading provider of in-center and live, online tutoring at home to students of all ages and skill levels, have these tips and ideas:

1.) Play popular board games that require basic math skills. Chutes and Ladders® and RackO® develop number sense. “24″ and Yahtzee® help computation speed and accuracy, and problem solving skills are developed through games like TriOminos® and Connect Four®.

2.) Assemble puzzles with your child. Puzzles help children learn spatial and visual organization. These are the basic lessons of geometry.

3.) A deck of cards can be a valuable math tool. Card games begin to teach the lesson of probability and reinforce addition and subtraction memorization for children learning basic math facts.

4.) Dice are helpful for younger children to practice number facts to six. If they are stumped, they can count the dots to find the sum.

5.) Relate math to your children’s favorite sport. Keeping score is a math exercise! Ask them to calculate the number of points needed for their favorite team to win. Encourage them to create multiple point combinations to reach that score.

6.) Use driving time as math game time. Invite children to figure out how long it will take to get to the destination or estimate how much it will cost to fill up the gas tank.

7.) Play other car games like “guess my number.” This will reinforce logic skills with children of all ages.

8.) If your child receives an allowance, use it to formulate mathematics problems and teach them about saving. For older children, relate percentage problems to their allowance.

9.) Dominoes are a great game for children of all ages. Smaller children can use them to recognize similar quantities while older children can explore the concepts of probability.

10.) Use the Internet to find other fun math games. Visit web sites like www.aplusmath.com or www.funbrain.com for more ideas. (…)

Source: NTV, NE
http://www.nebraska.tv/Global/story.asp?S=7826461

Lessons on how to discipline young children using “Supernanny” techniques have no effect on how naughty a child is, researchers claim.

A study showed that modern methods of discipline, such as those popularised by the child care expert Jo Frost in her Channel 4 television series, Supernanny, did little to improve behaviour and mothers were equally stressed regardless of how they disciplined their child.

Parents who were told to praise and distract their children rather than shouting or smacking them found that their offspring were just as badly behaved by their second birthday as any other child.

The research, carried out at the Centre for Community Child Health (CCCH) in Melbourne and published in the British Medical Journal Online, involved 733 mothers with eight-month-old children.

They were divided into two groups with half of the women bringing up their children as they chose. The others were given parenting classes devised by the CCCH and Parenting Research Centre.

The classes, which ran from children between eight and 15 months, tackled issues such as how to overcome defiance and aggression and encouraged parents to praise their children when they had done something good instead of criticising them when they were bad.

Both mothers and children were assessed when the child reached 18 months and 24 months.

The researchers found that by the age of two, there was no improvement in maternal distress or toddler behaviour.

The authors, who claimed that the study was the first of its kind to examine children from all social backgrounds, said that their results showed there was little point in introducing behaviour classes for children under the age of two.

Research suggests that behaviour problems affect up to 20 per cent of children and if left untreated, up to half of behaviour problems in pre-school children can develop into mental health problems in later life.

Source: Telegraph.co.uk, United Kingdom
http://tinyurl.com/ywddhv

(…) According to Marks, a parenting instructor and hypnotherapy expert in Pacific Palisades, kids of all ages want their parents to set - and enforce - reasonable boundaries.

While that sounds like common sense, it runs counter to some of the liberal doctrines of recent decades, when parents worried that practicing discipline would bruise their kids’ self-esteem.

But experts also note that it doesn’t mark a return to the authoritarian parental role that sparked the revolution in family dynamics.

“We learned that spanking and corporal punishment were a problem and then we swung the pendulum too far,” said Bette Alkazian, a mother of three and a licensed marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village.

Over the past few decades, she and other experts have seen people who grew up in a strict environment raising their own children with few, if any, limits on their behavior. The effects of that ultra-lenient style are surfacing, as parents seek help in coping with rabble-rousing preschoolers, insolent teens and self-absorbed college students.

“Punishment and rewards are both a form of control,” said Dr. Aletha Solter, director of the Aware Parenting Institute in Goleta. “The problem is that neither of them lead to true self-discipline, and they don’t teach children real values.”

Experts say many parents turn a blind eye to inappropriate behavior because they don’t want a confrontation with their children.

“There are parents who watch their kids hit during play and say, ‘Well, they’re only 3. They don’t know any different,”‘ said Kimberley Clayton Blaine, a licensed therapist who runs the parenting Web site TheGoToMom.TV. “I would say 40 percent of parents do not respond to violence.”

Other parents are allowing their kids to make decisions that they themselves should be making.

Diane Clarridge, director of the Growing Place in Westlake Village, recalled hearing a parent ask a 4-year-old to decide if he should attend the preschool three or five days a week.

“You get the feeling that they don’t want their children making scenes, so they give in to the child,” Clarridge said. (…)

Indeed, most therapists say it’s never too late to change behavior, although it gets harder after the child turns 5.

“Parents need to be parents, not friends,” Alkazian said.

Source: Daily Breeze, CA
http://www.dailybreeze.com/lifeandculture/ci_8121441