A new generation of NSW children is being mollycoddled by their fearful parents, with many children reporting they can no longer ride their bikes.

NSW Commissioner for Children and Young People Gillian Calvert warned that fears over traffic and stranger danger have meant children are missing out on basic life skills and simple pleasures.

“Over the past 10 years we have seen a real reduction in the range at which children can leave their family home and move freely,” Ms Calvert told News Limited.

“Kids tell us they can’t ride their bikes around streets anymore.”

Basic skills such as climbing trees, bike riding and crossing the road are in danger of being lost.

Sports Medicine Unit director Dr Carolyn Broderick said fundamental motor skills were developed through play, as well as balance, co-ordination and strength.

“Children now have a fear that wasn’t there in the past,” she said.

The research showed a significant reduction in free playtime among children, Dr Broderick said.

She said a quarter of parents were actually discouraging their children from playing sport because they were worried about injury.

Source: The Australian, Australia
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23712382-12377,00.html

Channelling a child’s energy into skateboarding may be their saving grace.

Adam Walker is all too aware of society’s penchant for stereotyping and pigeonholing individuals. The 30-year-old father of two has dedicated much of his life to skateboarding, a sport and art form that has been mostly misunderstood by the wider community.

Adam is used to the negative comments people make about those who choose skateboarding as their pastime, sport, hobby, even profession.

However, there may be another side to what appears to be the wild antics and often gravity-defying skills of the ‘boarder and it is this side Adam will attempt to expose in his studies at James Cook University.

Having attained a Bachelor of Psychology and Social Sciences (majoring in anthropology and sociology), he is now writing a thesis on reducing the manifestations of ADHD (attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder) by using skateboarding as a psychosocial intervention tool. His interest in finding an alternative treatment for those diagnosed with ADHD comes from personal experiences.

“Yes, I was diagnosed with it,” he says. “I found skateboarding and music were great releases for my energies.

“At school I didn’t fit in with what was perceived as the ‘norm’ because while I had no problems socialising, I was not interested in the whole concept of playing team sports and group activities.”

Adam spent his childhood in Adelaide playing the guitar and skateboarding while his peers were out playing football, cricket and other team sports. He wants to highlight the difference between skateboarding and traditional team sports.

“There are a number of kids who don’t fit that ‘team sport’ criteria and get labelled as misfits, even troublemakers,” he says.

“What we need to do as a society, and educators in particular, is recognise the signs that they may have such children in their class/care but rather than sideline or exclude them, develop or use programs which identify their skills and talents. It’s about understanding how to channel that energy and turn what can so often be a negative situation into a bright, positive one which benefits the community as well as develop the individual’s self-esteem,” Adam says.

Adam has already been playing a role and walking the talk. Eight years ago Adam was sharing a house with a friend on the Gold Coast when a light-bulb moment came to him.

“I was skating, playing music and basically enjoying life,” he says. “But one night I sat at home and jotted down a few ideas of where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do with my life as a career/profession.

“I asked myself: ‘What if there was such a thing as a skateboarding coach?’.”

He thought little more about it until he moved to Airlie Beach where he worked at the town’s surf shop.

Within a month he was asked to manage the store, which in turn led to him rubbing shoulders with “corporate bigwigs”. Adam seized the moment, proposing the store expand to include a skate shop to capitalise on the growing calls from locals and visitors for such an outlet.

The skate shop took off and was a success, resulting in its thriving business which prompted the local council to ask Adam if he would be interested in taking a skateboarding coaching course in Brisbane. “It was the first fully accredited course in skateboard coaching in Australia,” Adam says.

Upon his return to Airlie Beach and the surf/skate shop, Adam developed and ran skate programs at the town’s newly built skate park. He was then approached to move up to a senior management position but felt he was not ready for that major step. “I didn’t feel I was qualified enough,” he says.

Instead, Adam moved to Cairns to embark on studies to gain the necessary management skills. But four years later, his focus has shifted slightly while his passion for skating has remained as resolute as ever.

“Since coming to Cairns I’ve realised I still have those dreams … my own dreams of coaching kids and helping them,” he says.

“But I also recognise that to be able to do that I have to work and earn and that means study to a higher level so I can deliver appropriate programs to them.

“I find it very liberating to teach kids and see the enjoyment they get from learning new skills and building confidence.”

Adam runs his programs through his company SkateMethod and this year had his efforts recognised by the Australian Sports Commission which awarded him a grant to purchase boards, helmets and related equipment for clinics at local schools.

While the skate clinics and courses are primarily fun, they also are designed to promote discipline, respect and dedication, qualities Adam learned from another individual art form.

“I trained for 12 years in Wing Chun (Chinese martial arts) and have transported all of the elements of discipline from that art form to these programs,” he says.

“In martial arts you need to be committed to practising constantly in order to perfect the moves and be dedicated to completing a task and not walk away when the going gets a ‘bit too challenging’.”

Adam has built in certain mechanisms to ensure the children apply themselves and are rewarded in a similar style to martial arts, except instead of different-coloured belts upon completing their grading, they receive a board sticker or decal.

“It’s about rewarding the achievement of learning that special turn, jump or flick they may have been practising,” Adam says.

Adam’s thesis and programs will attempt to educate the wider community on the benefits of using skateboarding as a key to unlock the minds of individuals whose learning experiences may not fit so comfortably with the established and, as he calls it, “rigid” curriculum. But in his attempt to do this he is acutely aware of being seen as “selling out” the underground culture.

“Am I trying to regulate skateboarding? Yes, but only to explain there is a science behind its execution. You have to do things the right way for them to look as good or cool as they do,” he says. “Skateboarding has its origins in a non-conformist culture.

“So in a way, I’m trying to help turn around the lives of children who are often sidelined, even demonised as social misfits, and help them prove they have skills and energies that, when channelled correctly, can enable them to be contributing members of society.

“Also, the art form is always going to have its street edge. It’ll always be funky and cool and retain its underground following.”

Adam hopes to use his collected data to convince governments to invest in “niche activities” such as skateboarding and create an avenue for drug-free intervention strategies to treat conditions such as ADHD.

“I think there is a need to look at alternative treatments and this strategy is strong on education and discipline as well as fun and freedom,” he says. “It’s just delivered in a caring and nurturing environment and with different tools. This is a way to get kids to express themselves and learn.

It needs to be supported.”

Source: cairns.com.au, Australia
http://www.cairns.com.au/article/2008/05/13/3776_lifestyle.html

Recently a friend dropped off an Education Commentary from the Times Union newspaper that presented some relevant data on schools. The author wrote: “the qualities of the families from which children come to school matter much more than money as predictors of schools’ effectiveness.”

The research tells us that there are two prime factors in a child’s education: the teacher and the parents. Individually each has an impact on student success in school. The possibilities when a child has both - probably much greater.

So what’s a parent to do? Glad you asked.

Learning begins at a young age. Simply by reading to your child at a young age begins to help students learn about language and communication. Children mimic parents and will “read” the pages to them.

Get them to school. I suspect there are only a few who are self-motivated or disciplined. Successful students have parents who make sure they get out of bed each morning and get them to school on time. Successful students have parents who understand that getting up for school is not always fun but their parents push them anyway.

The nice thing about these expectations is they do not cost anything. They do require some persistence and patience. For some parents the challenge is more difficult. And yet, if you want your child to succeed in school you are the partner in learning that your child needs.

Parents: I know you care that your child succeeds in school. Too often I do not get to talk to parents until the child is in trouble. Yet, when I do, I hear the same message: parents care about their children; they want them to succeed; they know that education is important. To those of you struggling, hang in there and do not give up.

Our goal is for every child to graduate. Working without the help of parents we will not reach that goal. With parent help we will all succeed!

Source: Marion Star, OH
http://tinyurl.com/54g3pj

“Boring” sums up Josh Bullock’s entire high school experience. The 17-year-old got in trouble and recalls spending time in in-school suspension, a practice he said confined him to a small room with no windows where he was supposed to do his schoolwork without any interaction.

He eventually dropped out.

“I’m intelligent,” he said, leaning forward then slumping back again, tapping his foot and moving his hand. He can’t sit still.

Neither can state officials who want to find a way to keep kids in school.

Mississippi’s dropout rate is 24.1 percent - similar to the rest of the nation. On average, only 70 percent of American students will graduate from high school. In Mississippi, only 63 percent will. State officials are determined to reduce the rate by 50 percent in five years.

Gov. Haley Barbour and State Superintendent of Education Hank Bounds agree that high school dropouts pose an economic development hurdle for Mississippi.

“They are not going to have the same opportunities,” Bounds said. “They are more likely to get engaged with illegal activity. Dropouts are more likely to have children who will drop out.”

The economic reality of an undereducated class is staggering.

# Dropouts from the Class of 2007 will cost Mississippi almost $3.9 billion in lost wages and taxes over their lifetime, according to the Alliance for Excellent Education, a national policy and advocacy organization based in Washington.

# Dropouts cost Mississippi $458 million each year, Bounds said. The number comes from money spent on social services, including medical care and prison. It also figures in lost revenue in taxes based on what all those dropouts might have made in income had they completed high school.

# More than 13,000 students drop out every year in Mississippi, according to the Mississippi Department of Education.

# The dropout rate for black and Hispanic students is close to 50 percent nationwide, according to the America’s Promise Alliance, a Washington-based nonprofit collaborative chaired by Alma Powell and founded by her husband, Gen.Colin Powell. In Mississippi, about 57 percent of blacks graduate compared to 71 percent of whites.

# Dropouts earn about $9,200 less per year than high school graduates.

‘Moral obligation’

The state’s new focus has not come about because things are suddenly worse in Mississippi.

“The graduation rate is probably better than it’s ever been,” Bounds said.

And it’s not that Mississippi is worse than any other state. Nationwide, dropout rates are similar to the state’s numbers.

The problem is more complicated than dropping out of high school, though. High school itself just isn’t enough anymore to make it in a global economy based on high technology and ever-evolving transformations.

“Now that we are really understanding this issue, we can understand and see what the real problem looks like,” Bounds said. “I just think I have a moral obligation to make this a focus of the state, to wage this war.”

While politicians, educators, pundits and other adults debate how to solve the dropout crisis, the kids are angry.

“Teachers actually say ‘They don’t pay me enough to do this.’ They don’t want to be there,” said Adam Dearman, 17, who dropped out of Seminary High School earlier this year.

Cameron Clark, 16, wanted to move on with her life. She wants to be an embalmer and plans to attend junior college to meet that goal. Forrest County Agricultural High School already taught her everything it could, she said, and she left school this year.

“I don’t count myself as a dropout. I withdrew from school - I didn’t drop out.”

But Mississippi does count her as a dropout.

High school obsolete

A Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation-funded study that explored why kids drop out found 47 percent of dropouts said classes were not interesting and 69 percent said they were not motivated.

Gates got the shocked attention of the nation’s governors in 2005 when he told a gathering of them that high school was obsolete.

Students are not learning what they need to learn to work for international companies immersed in high technology, he said. The problem goes beyond secondary school - more Americans need to finish college and engage in intellectual challenges to propel the nation into the future.

But before that need can be addressed, more kids must finish 12th grade, experts say. To keep them engaged and make them marketable, a major overhaul is needed. American high schools need updating - call it High School 2.0.

Mississippi is in the middle of a high school redesign. Bounds said it is a move that will make high school relevant.

“There will be lots of strands that look alike - what we do with technology, what we teach teachers to counsel students and explain opportunities,” Bounds said.

Some things will vary for each school district. Schools are different sizes and different regions in the state have their own needs. For example, Lamar County schools are incorporating economics into the curriculum at every level to help students make better choices.

The experts

Part of the redesign has to include more guidance for students, even building it into the required curriculum, national experts say.

Effective comprehensive guidance has three components, said Norman Gysbers, an expert in the field and a professor at the University of Missouri.

First, the curriculum should include knowledge about career opportunities. Second, the school should work with each student and his parents to develop a personal plan of study in middle school. Third, the school should provide special help when it’s needed on a short-term basis.

“The focus is on a living plan initiated in high school,” Gysbers said.

An example is Navigation 101, a program in the state of Washington that has had great success. A program of comprehensive guidance should be an ongoing quest, not a one-time determination, Gysbers said.

“Plans change,” he said. Guidance should never lock students into only one option they can’t escape. Kids have to feel as if school matters in their life and actually makes a difference, Gysbers said.

“If students feel connected to school, they are going to do better,” he said.

Different programs and curricula are available based on the research of Gysbers and others who have examined the need for decades. An example is the extensive yet intuitive Career Choices course used in many schools across the nation, but not in Mississippi because strict state guidelines don’t leave room for a new subject. Career Choices incorporates English and math skills with “life planning.” That program promotes the idea of a 10-year plan starting around eighth grade with dreams and visions and morphing into a strategy for the next phase of learning after high school. By contrast, many existing programs just concentrate on getting through the four years of high school.

The challenge is getting comprehensive guidance implemented into the curriculum.

“If we have to concentrate on basics, how do we get extras in?” Gysbers asked. He said that is a common concern of school administrators already loaded with heavy state and federal requirements.

Ideally, the developmental process begins in elementary school.

“It’s really too late by high school,” Gysbers said. “That kind of effort takes a lot of time and resources.”

Other experts agree. It takes parents as well as teachers and schools that care about the individual kid.

“When you connect a student to an adult, it builds relationships, it helps him build goals,” said Gene Bottoms of Atlanta, senior vice president of Southern Regional Education Board and founding director of High Schools That Work.

Any dropout prevention plan has to be more than about holding more students in school, but at the same time that is one of the obstacles.

“You can’t do much to get them engaged if they aren’t in school,” Bottoms said.

“We have a very high failure rate in grade nine,” he said, adding that part of this is because of a high student-to-teacher ratio and part of it is because it’s often teachers with the least experience who teach freshmen high school classes.

The more experienced teachers often teach Advanced Placement classes to smaller classes in higher grades. Bottoms wants to turn the whole system around.

He thinks one reason for the dropout rate and the ninth-grade failures is because current high school requirements load up on academics in the ninth grade. Some students have to take two math classes, for example. One is remedial if their math scores are too low and one is required for them not to get left behind.

Keeping boys interested is another large problem, Bottoms said.

“We’re losing male students at a higher rate than young ladies,” he said.

Schools need to change the experience for teenagers. In the ninth grade, there should a practical class with hands-on applications, either in fine arts or technology that allows kids to get up out of their seats and interact as they put academic skills to work. That’s one idea.

Another idea Bottoms has is to offer catch-up classes so students have another opportunity to pick up a required class without becoming so hopelessly behind they don’t choose to stay.

Hattiesburg High is considering something along these lines with online courses that could meet the need.

“We have got to redesign the curriculum in ninth grade,” Bottoms said. “Do less tracking and sorting. Enroll more kids in AP classes. Don’t wait until 11th grade to start tech classes. Improving the high school completion rate is as much about changing adult behavior as it is about changing student behavior.”

Bottoms describes a high school in San Antonio, Texas, that had bullet holes in the walls and looked and felt like a prison. The school administrators eventually turned to Boys Town, a Nebraska-based nonprofit organization, for help.

“They did a 180-degree turnaround,” Bottoms said. The difference? Treating the students as individuals.

“They don’t sense adults respect them,” Bottoms said.

Schools that want to change need a district that supports them. Mississippi’s dropout prevention program is a step in the right direction, Bottoms said.

“Hank (Bounds) has a handle on things. Accountability has to give as much importance to completion as to achievement.”

Where are parents?

A lack of parental involvement is at the root of many dropout stories.

“Parents do not get involved,” Bottoms said. “And there’s not very good mechanisms for poor parents to get involved. Better-off parents who are educated know how to work the system.”

It’s not only one thing that needs fixing. It’s many things. Bottoms suggests leadership training for principals and teachers to start.

“This will cost some money,” Bottoms said. “Look at your prison costs. You are either going to make your investment now or pay for it later.”

Josh Bullock, meanwhile, is still angry but not unmotivated. The former Oak Grove student is getting his GED, looking for a part-time job and planning to attend junior college to study computer science, maybe something in game design.

School just got in the way of his plans.

Source: Hattiesburg American, MS
http://tinyurl.com/6mot7g

A positive parenting style can help protect young people from becoming involved with substance use, delinquency and violent behaviour, a new study suggests.

The 87-page report released Tuesday by the Canadian Institute for Health Information analyzed various research and policy initiatives and crunched data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Children and Youth from Statistics Canada.

“One of the things we wanted to do with this is really sort of step back and through a lens of mental health examine some of the factors that are associated with youth delinquency and criminal behaviour,” said Jean Harvey, director of CIHI’s Canadian Population Health Initiative.

Young people who never reported engaging in aggressive behaviour had high self-esteem, good stress management and self motivation, she said.

“Those were found to be sort of the protective factors around not being involved with delinquent behaviour and criminal activity.”

In terms of risk factors, those aged 12 and 13 who reported hyperactivity and depression were more likely to report high levels of aggressive behaviours, and high levels of delinquent acts involving property.

When parents nurtured and monitored their children, those kids had fewer contacts with peers who were engaged in criminal behaviour, Harvey said.

And not surprisingly, kids who reported positive school experiences were more likely to report not being aggressive than youth who reported fewer positive experiences.

“Children that are connected to the school and they feel a positive bond to their community and their society … had reduced delinquency,” Harvey said.

She said the report, entitled Improving the Health of Canadians: Mental Health, Delinquency and Criminal Activity, is intended to help policy makers with decisions, but the findings would also be of interest to the general public, parents and the school system.

Source: The Canadian Press, TORONTO
http://canadianpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5gx3K6tO23TUDYyQ5AkgmST3gaPcQ

As the graduating class of 2008 enters the workforce, they may be surprised to find that even before setting foot into an interview, they’ve already been judged.

Generation Y, the name given to people born predominantly in the ’80s and ’90s, has had somewhat of a negative connotation.

The attitude that today’s young people are more self-centered and narcissistic has been publicized by articles in newspapers and magazines with headlines that read, “For today’s kids, everything is all about them,” “Is Gen Y Really All That Narcissistic?” and “The Most-Praised Generation Goes to Work.”

Dr. Jean M. Twenge, associate professor of psychology at San Diego State University, has conducted research on Generation Y and has written a book based on her 13 years of research and the responses of 1.3 million young people who completed questionnaires, that have been given from the ’50s to today.

According to her Web site, “Generation Me” is different from previous generations in that it believes that individual needs should come first. “Generation Me” has grown up with phrases such as “Be yourself,” and “You must love yourself before you can love someone else,” she stated on her Web site.

The encouragement that “Generation Me” has grown up with contributes to the disappointment they experience when faced with the reality of a competitive world, Twenge said on her Web site.

Generation Y has received a lot of attention, but is this generation really that different? Are Baylor students anymore different then past generations of students?

Diaz-Granados couldn’t say whether students are really more narcissistic today, but recalled when he played sports as a kid and how rewards were given based on accomplishments.

“In my day and age, when I was playing sports, there were clear winners and losers,” he said.

Diaz-Granados acknowledged a difference with young kids in sports today.

Using his own children’s soccer games as an example, Diaz-Granados said, “Anybody that plays half the time gets a trophy.”

Dr. Sara Dolan, assistant professor in the psychology and neuroscience department and core clinical faculty member, remembered her childhood years as different from kids growing up today.

“My parents’ theory of my success is that if I work hard enough, I could achieve what I wanted to, but they certainly encourage me to do things that I have a natural talent for,” she said. “I do feel like students today are certainly more confident in themselves than the people of my generation.”

The pressure is on for today’s generation, who has grown up with a mentality that anything is possible, Dolan said.

“I do feel like there is a lot more pressure for students these days to achieve these goals whether they are attainable or not,” Dolan said.

When students realize that they may never be able to achieve certain goals, their reaction to reality may be catastrophic, Dolan said.

Cynthia Wall, staff psychologist, deals with eating disorder cases at the counseling center and has witnessed the downside to the can-have-it-all mentality.

Though she said she has seen conflicting data on whether or not perfectionism in body image can be associated with generational differences, Wall recognized that today’s youth face pressures that can lead to unhealthy eating habits to attain the “perfect” body.

“I do think there is a significant amount of pressure put on the younger generation to have it all,” she said.

Genetic differences play a role in the build of one’s body. Sometimes no matter what a person does, they may never be able to achieve the “perfect” body that they desire, Wall said.

Does this mean that parents should stop encouraging their children to shoot for the stars? Not always, Diaz-Granados said.

In the case of sport rewards, he sees the positive sentiment.

“You don’t want to make a child feel like a failure,” he said.

With that said, Diaz-Granados said he found encouragement of children to be a nice sentiment, but not always beneficial.

“I do think that it is a very nice sentiment to say that anything is possible, but I don’t think you can argue with the fact that there is a difference in aptitude,” he said.

There have been times where Diaz-Granados said he had to give students a reality check on their expectations.

For instance, when a student with a low grade point average decided that he was going to go to medical school, Diaz-Granados would have to tell him, “No, you’re not.”

“There’s some benefit in encouraging, but if it drives an individual to persist in something they aren’t good at, it can be very damaging,” he said.

There is definitely a distribution of talent among all people, Diaz-Granados said.

Diaz-Granados also said he tries to be realistic when students come to him with questions about their major.

“When students ask me what they should major in, I tell them that you should major in something that you have an interest in and then consider aptitude,” he said.

Rewards given that aren’t based on performance have been criticized with instilling a sense of entitlement among children. According to some, this attitude has carried on into the work force as these children become adults and could pose a problem in how Americans workers rank compared to foreign competition.

According to a 2007 study conducted by CareerBuilder.com, 87 percent of the 2,546 surveyed hiring managers and Human Resource professionals working in industries across the board concluded that “Gen Y workers feel more entitled in terms of compensation, benefits and career advancement than older generations.”

In comparison to other generation of workers, the survey also showed that 55 percent of the employers over the age of 35 feel that Generation Y have a problem responding to direction and authority.

In his book The World Is Flat, Thomas L Friedman calls attention to the problems of today’s American workforce.

In a section titled, “Dirty Little Secret #3: The Ambition Gap,” Friedman addresses the poor work ethics of American students by including correspondence from a college professor named Mike Arguello who worried that Americans are losing high-paying jobs to more qualified foreign competition who will work harder for less pay and benefits.

If the assessments of American workers are inaccurate, then the effects of such a label on an entire generation could be detrimental, Judy Bowman, senior lecturer in economics, said.

When little differences causes employers to assume something about an entire group, “It’s statistical discrimination, and it’s quite unfair,” she said.

Bowman sees some difference but not an extreme difference in the attitude of Generation Y from her generation.

“I don’t think you are more narcissistic than we were,” she said.

Instead of taking spring break to party, there are kids who go and volunteer, Diaz-Granados said.

“I see this generation being really aware of the planet, and that is not the case with putting me first,” he said.

New technology has given birth to Facebook and MySpace for Generation Y to use as a new form of self-promotion, but it does not prove that they are more self-centered.

It’s a different outlet for student to promote themselves, “but it doesn’t make a statement of wholesale personality change,” Diaz-Granados said.

A problem that Bowman does see with today’s students is their lack of class attendance.

“I have some classes where I have a hard time getting my students to come to class,” she said. “Certainly, we have a problem with work ethic and it is reflected in student absences.”

The gap in education has been attributed to parents who interfere with teachers’ curriculums because they feel that the course work is too difficult and that kids need time to be kids. Thus, they set low expectation for their children said a fifth grade teacher in a letter to Friedman.

Parental involvement not only exists in grade school, but has also extended into students’ time in college.

Wall noted a difference in parental involvement in students’ lives today as she described her personal experience with her own parents.

“The parental unit that I grew up with and parents then tend to be hands-off,” she said. “The authority of schools and teachers were respected.”

The calls that Wall has received from parents are at time in the best interest of the child, but sometimes it’s not.

“They [parents] are trying to pave the way for their child instead of letting them handle it on their own,” she said. “A lot of the time they are trying to affect a change somehow in the decisions that their child is making or will be making.”

The appropriate time for parents to become involved is when the student is becoming dysfunctional, Wall said. Otherwise, she takes the student’s needs and concerns into account over the opinions of the parents.

Diaz-Granados has also received calls from parents on a couple of occasions. Helicopter parents hold their children back by leaving them in a state of protracted adolescence, he said.

“Their independence is put off for a while, and the degree of independence, of self-reliance or accountability then is being delay or put off,” Diaz-Granados said.

Source: Baylor University The Lariat Online, TX
http://www.baylor.edu/lariat/news.php?action=story&story=50768

Teenagers tend to be stingy with praise when it comes to their parents.

Still, mom and dad can take credit for showing 70 percent of adolescents how to do their laundry; 52 percent of parents teach their kids to drive.

But fewer than half of parents — 49 percent — teach their kids to manage a budget, according to the Charles Schwab 2008 Parents & Money Survey Findings.

That might be why 71 percent of parents expect their kids will come back home to live after they finish college — and why 20 percent wouldn’t dream of asking adult children to pony up for rent.

But it’s important to insist that young people pay their own freight — and that parents prepare their teens for the financial responsibilities they will face as adults.

Indeed, 60 percent of moms and dads wish their own parents had taught them about investing when they were teens. Half had to start from scratch when it came to learning how to plan for retirement.

As it turned out, they had to be quick studies, developing such skills as taking out a mortgage and paying monthly bills in young adulthood. According to the survey, 77 percent of parents were on their own financially by age 21 — and 50 percent began to support themselves between the ages of 16-18.

So why are parents so hesitant to show teens the ropes?

The survey says 67 percent believe money management is not a top priority for their sons and daughters. But 60 percent of teens said that learning how to handle their finances is deeply important to them.

Besides, where in the parenting job description does it say we should only talk to our kids about the topics they choose? Who’s the boss, applesauce? Mom and dad, that’s who.

So, where to begin?

First, set a good example by spending and investing responsibly.

Cash in on opportunities such as shopping for school clothes and planning a family vacation. Get your teen involved in making choices that will help to balance the budget.

Only 33 percent of teens currently hold paying jobs. But studies show that kids who work part time are far more likely to save regularly, with 49 percent building nest eggs, compared to 35 percent of nonworking teens.

In some ways, managing money is like riding a bicycle. After the training wheels come off, you’ve acquired a lifelong skill.

Every once in a while, kids fall off their bikes. The same thing is bound to happen with their financial lives. (…)

Source: Cherry Hill Courier Post, NJ
http://tinyurl.com/5tqlxf

My 3-month-old nephew screams and cries whenever anyone besides his mother and father approaches him. He looks fearful and nervous. He’s been doing this since he was about 1 month old. This behavior seems to be odd for such a young infant. What causes such behavior? Should I say something to his parents?

Your nephew is exhibiting what experts call “stranger anxiety.” While it usually doesn’t begin until about 6 months of age, every baby is different, and it can manifest itself sooner.

“Some infants can be passed from stranger to stranger and be very happy,” said Dr. Marc Lashley, a pediatrician with Valley Stream Pediatrics. Others can’t. Even those who adapt to being held by others in the early months will likely develop stranger anxiety at some point. “Stranger anxiety is a normal developmental stage that all people go through.”

Stranger anxiety usually fades by about 15 months, Lashley said. It is different from separation anxiety, which is when a child is physically separated from the parent or left at preschool or with a caregiver.

Stranger anxiety is caused as an infant begins to differentiate between the parents and other people. “That’s when children really understand, ‘I know you, and I don’t know you,’” said Claire Lerner, director of parent education for Zero to Three, a Washington, D.C.-based national nonprofit dedicated to children from birth to age 3. An infant looks for all its needs to be met by the parents. Another adult approaching is a potential threat to the baby’s security. So even though you are a relative, you aren’t the primary caregiver. Shrieking in fear is not an abnormal response, even though it may make you feel rebuffed, rejected, disappointed or worried.

It may also be that the baby is just wired in a way that he is more sensitive to stimulus, Lerner said. Some babies react negatively even to small changes in light or noise level or temperature. Your nephew may be sensing when someone doesn’t look, smell, sound or act the same as the parent and having a visceral reaction to the change. “In a baby, the reaction to distress is crying,” Lerner said.

If the baby is doing fine otherwise, Lerner said she wouldn’t be too concerned but rather use the information to get to know the child better, learn what makes him tick, and make him comfortable. You might try playing alongside the baby with his mother or father present, so he gets used to you. Take an incremental approach so he can learn to trust you.

As to whether you should give unsolicited advice to the parents, “That’s always tricky,” Lerner said. Don’t be negative. Whatever you say should be presented in an empathetic, nonjudgmental way. “Parents just, by nature, are very vulnerable … and very susceptible to feeling criticized. Especially new parents,” Lerner said. She suggested saying something like, ” ‘Of course, I’m dying to hold him and play with him, but I can see that’s hard for him, and I’m sure that’s hard for you, too. I wonder if there’s something I could do that could help him feel more comfortable with me.’ The important thing is not to come off as critical or to do or say anything that’s going to make the parents feel inadequate.”

Source: Newsday, NY
http://www.newsday.com/news/columnists/ny-p2qa5632835mar31,0,266732.column

Every parent faces the day when their children are no longer children. They must make their way in the world as adults. Some are off to college, others to travel, others the military, and many straight off to work. Whatever their direction, they are no longer kids. We may think they still need guidance, but they will move into adulthood without looking back. If we haven’t prepared them for this move by now, the parents in their lives have little to say anymore about the life paths they will choose.

In a family-owned business, preparing children for entering into adult life is different in some ways than for other families. In addition to teaching life skills, parents assist their children to integrate independence and confidence. They are preparing their children to fly freely and strongly when they leave the nest.

But in a family business the assumption may be that the child will stay in the nest; that they are being groomed to take over the family business when the parents retire. There is an inherent conflict in grooming your child for independence and yet holding that independence in suspension until the parents retire from the business.

Preparing children for taking over the family business requires that parents selflessly attend to preparing their children for healthy independent adulthood first. A child who has grown into a self-sufficient, wise and autonomous individual is in a much better position to assume the role of leader. A child who remains subordinate to the parent into his or her 40s can hardly be practiced at autonomy or leadership.

Therefore, parents with family businesses who plan ahead for succession require a more thoughtful approach to emancipating their children. Having young children work in the family enterprise teaches them skills they could not learn otherwise. They not only become familiar with the product and style of the business, but they acquire confidence. They are participating in taking care of the family - an important value to instill.

As children get older they can be given more responsibility, even management duties. However, their progress up the ladder should not be based upon the fact that they are the son or daughter of the owner. They need to be evaluated, as would any other employee. This teaches the child to do the hard work of improving themselves.

The risk, of course, is that once out of the nest the child will never return, that they will find another life that suits them better than working in the family business. But then isn’t that what parenting is about? The business will be much more successful being managed by strong capable leaders who want to be there and by a leader who has proven his or her talent in more than one arena.

It is important for families in business to be open about their planning for business succession. Children should be advised early about who is being considered for leadership. But there should also be flexibility about this decision. Over time another child may prove to be the better successor. Or perhaps the chosen one chooses another direction.

If parents keep in mind that their job is to raise healthy autonomous children, then they are a success no matter which direction their child chooses. Whether the child chooses to return to the family business or not, they can always be a contributing member of the family.

Source: American Chronicle, CA
http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/56570

Trying to get rid of your baby’s pacifier?

Don’t do it.

That was the message from Dr. Ann Corwin, a specialist in parenting and children’s health who spoke at a conference March 13 in Vancouver.

“How many of you have ever heard something like this: ‘Oh, your third birthday is almost here. The Binkie Fairy is coming! After your party, we’ll put your binkie under the pillow, and the fairy will take it away and put a surprise there, because you’re 3 now!’

“What does the child say? ‘I don’t want a party.’ ”

Mimicking a quaking 3-year-old, “the parenting doctor” drew a chorus of chuckles from a crowd of several hundred parent educators at the WSU Vancouver campus.

“Never, ever, ever, ever, take away a comfort measure,” Corwin said in a more serious tone.

Babies and children need objects that help them give up their craving for constant comfort from a parent, Corwin said; the objects help them learn to soothe themselves.

She then explained how a “transitional object” — a blanket or pacifier — is a serious part of human development called “attachment.”

Infants form intense attachments to one or several caregivers, said Corwin, a California teacher and therapist. They do it from the first day of life, in three ways: touch, eye contact and verbal interaction.

In the healthiest type of attachment, she said, “the parent or primary caregiver is consistently sensitive to signals, emotions, perceptions, and needs of the child. We call this unconditional love. …

Secure attachment “is an enduring, reciprocal, emotional and physical affiliation with another person.”

“Why are kids born being able to cry? It makes people move closer — ‘I will get fed, I will get touched.’ “

Not all parents attach to their babies securely. But babies “will take it anyway they can get it,” including from parents who are unavailable, ambivalent and confused, or even frightening — the other three types of attachment.

“We will connect with somebody else even if it hurts,” Corwin said.

Attachment is important for brain development and for lifelong social skills. Corwin said it shapes “how we make relationships, how we keep relationships and what we do when a relationship is not working so well.”

Attachment forms in the part of the brain called the amygdala (uh-MIGG-duluh), or limbic brain, where all emotion originates. When a child has a secure attachment with a loving parent, the amygdala grows, Corwin said.

“It’s where we process emotions — ‘OK, I’m sad, glad, happy, angry,’ ” she said. “When a child is held and comforted when they need it, it’s the primary way the amygdala grows, and it doesn’t end at a certain age.”

We don’t regulate or control emotions in the amygdala, “we just FEEL them.” We manage our feelings in the cortex, the front part of the brain, and we learn to do that only over time.

Picture a frustrated, angry child who throws something, and a parent who says, “Haven’t I told you a million times that you cannot throw things in the house? You should know better!”

At that moment in time, “the emotional brain is in charge,” Corwin said. “The child doesn’t know better. He just feels something.”

Only comforting touch, eye contact and talking can soothe the young child … until the baby starts to use a blanket or pacifier when Mom, Dad or Nana cannot hold her.

” ‘If I can’t touch my mom right now, what will make me feel better?’ The definition of comfort is to soothe and console and to strengthen — it actually builds strength to be comforted.,” Corwin said. “Babies need touch, smells and sucking, and as they become toddlers, they use subsititutes.”

When they interact in play groups and visit the in-laws, parents may get antsy to leave the grubby blanket at home or hide the pacifier.

“Just teach the child how and when to use it,” she said. Tell the child, ” ‘You can have it, but you need to enjoy it in an appropriate time and place.’ … As children grow, they will want to replace one method of comfort with another, either because of peer pressure or just because their internal comfort system (self-talk) has finally had time to develop.”

“Children lose control because they haven ‘t learned to calm and soothe themselves yet,” Corwin said. “You had to learn to control your feelings; someone had to teach you how to do it.”

We all need comfort measures, the doctor said, no matter how old we are. The adults at the conference nodded and smiled.

“In the California fires, what did people run back into their houses for? Photos, the images of their families. How many people here take a pillow when you stay away from home?”

Source: Longview Daily News, WA
http://www.tdn.com/articles/2008/03/26/this_day/10158483.txt