‘IT MAKES CHILDREN ANGRY’ | Expert urges end to corporal punishment

During a recent speech in Chicago, Dr. Alvin Poussaint, a Harvard psychiatrist, related how, when he was a child and misbehaved, his father would “smack me in the back of the head.”

“It was like shock treatment,” said Poussaint. “He had a theory that if you misbehaved, something must be wrong with your brain and you needed a correction.”

The story elicited chuckles from the largely African-American audience, but Poussaint’s point was no joke to him.

One way to help reduce violence in poor, black urban neighborhoods is to reduce it in the home, he says.

In his most recent book, Come on People: On the Path from Victims to Victors, co-authored with entertainer Bill Cosby, Poussaint cites one study that showed that 94 percent of black mothers agreed that “a good hard spanking” was a useful “disciplinary technique” compared with 65 percent of white women and 46 percent of Asian-American women.

Not all black parents who use corporal punishment create violent children, he noted. Poussaint grew up in Harlem, received his M.D. from Cornell and served as a script consultant to NBC’s “The Cosby Show.”

But, Poussaint said, “Violence begets violence — it makes children angry.”

“I think a lot of homicides relate to rage and anger and getting back at someone, even if it’s a nameless face,” he said.

Psychotherapist George Smith, whose Management Planning Institute works with the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services, said he sees the effects of spankings in preschool classes his group conducts: “Kids emulate their caregivers. They become physical.”

Psychiatrist Carl Bell, president of the Community Mental Health Council, said less educated people of all races tend to spank at higher rates.

“Poor black people — poor people in general — have no idea how life works. People who don’t know how life works think it’s best to bully people to get what they want,” said Bell.

Blacks are more religious, said Bell, and cite Proverbs: “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”

No single child-rearing factor leads to violent behavior, Bell says. “I wish [ending spanking] was the magic bullet,” he said.

But for Poussaint, it’s a start.

“If we think of violence as learned behavior, if you are using it on your child, what are they learning?” said Poussaint. “The black community [has] to put this on the table.”

Source: Chicago Sun-Times, United States
http://www.suntimes.com/lifestyles/1219230,CST-NWS-spank14.article

The picture below is of my baby # 8, William, and his expression tells all. He is in charge. The entire household runs around his schedule. He is Master and Commander (or so he thinks).

Yes, initially your baby will be in charge (at least for the first few months). But by three months (if your baby is following the average growth chart) his training must begin and the first lesson to learn is Yes and No.

A firm, but loving No should be given when needed; for example when baby:

* Bites (while nursing)
* Scratches you or himself
* Yells in anger

And remember, there is never any reason to yell or raise your voice.
The idea is to teach your baby, not discipline.

And a kind and loving Yes should be stated over and over again, each and every day; for example:

* Yes, mommy loves you
* Yes, it’s time to eat
* Yes, let’s read a book, let’s dance, etc.

At one point or another all of us mothers (and oftentimes fathers) have given up sleep, food, comfort, and social standing for our little bundles of joy. Their demands come first. And we happily, though oftentimes sleepily answer their calls time after time. Something amazing happens to us the moment we first hold our baby. The love we feel is overwhelming and changes our life forever. Number one on our list of priorities has suddenly changed. And our little baby is now the center of our world.

But who is in charge? The loving care for your baby can all too easily lead you into a downward slope. A slope that baby recognizes and uses to his advantage. They learn all too quickly that they can manipulate their loving parents like puppets.

Warning: consistency is vital! No one said parenting was easy. And this can be one of the most difficult jobs a parent has. You must be consistent. Without consistency justice cannot be exercised, and without justice the baby will only learn manipulation and become a master at tantrums.

But just look at that adorable face how can you not lovingly indulge his every desire? Well, if your goal is to create a monster, a possible menace to society or a delinquent, then go on indulging him. But should your goal be otherwise, then the training starts now! Even baby must learn that mom and dad are in charge. And by the age of two this should be something he is fully aware of and respects (at least most of the time). Out of love a parent must instill at a very early age a sense of order and an understanding of the words Yes and No. A baby thrives on a routine, an orderly schedule and love. With these three things in place it is relatively simple to remain in charge.

By two months most babies have already formed an emotional bond with their parents and are giving them their “social” smile. And by nine months they are fully capable of letting you know when you’ve displeased them and when they don’t want to be left alone. If they can relate this at nine months then they can certainly learn the concept of yes or no. I have found that most of my children were very aware of yes and no by the age of eight months and can even communicate no with a shake of the head. If they can clap their hands when happy then shaking their head for no isn’t all that astounding.

And it is so easy to teach your baby. Talk to baby and read to baby. Communicate. Baby started learning in the womb, where he heard and responded to familiar voices. By your tone of voice, the inflection you give your words, your baby will begin to learn the basic concepts of yes versus no and you will remain in charge of a happy and peaceful home.

Source:Examiner.com
http://tinyurl.com/3kcrng

A cross-party group of British MPs is expected on Wednesday to try to introduce a legal ban preventing parents from smacking their children, a campaign group said.

The MPs, headed by Kevin Barron, Chairman of the Commons Health Select Committee, have backed an amendment to the Children and Young Persons Bill calling for youngsters to have the same rights as adults on assault.

The amendment aims to abolish the legal defense of “reasonable punishment,” said the Children Are Unbeatable! Alliance, which represents more than 400 organizations.

More than 100 backbench Labour MPs have signed a private statement demanding the government allow them a free vote on whether there should be a ban, it added.

The issue was last debated in 2004 when calls for a complete ban were rejected despite a rebellion by Labour MPs. Instead a compromise measure was agreed which forbids any punishment which causes visible bruising, grazes, cuts or scratches.

The government remains opposed to an outright ban but campaigners, including the Children’s Commissioner for England Al Aynsley-Green, say the current situation is ineffective and sends out confusing messages.

“We must act now to end the legal approval of hitting children,” Barron said.

“The current law allowing so-called ‘reasonable punishment’ is unjust, unsafe and unclear. Frankly we are baffled by the hesitation so far about giving a vote on what is so clearly a conscience issue.”

Last year, ministers said the law, which applies to England and Wales, would remain unchanged after a review found that most parents did not want a complete ban on corporal punishment.

“This is one of those principled reforms on which politicians must make a stand whatever the pollsters might say,” said William Utting, the Alliance’s spokesman.

“The law must send the clear message that hitting children is as unacceptable as hitting anyone else.”

Source: Canada.com
http://tinyurl.com/4475e3

Kelly and Tim are a lovely young couple with two beautiful children. One of the things that makes this young family especially nice is the behavior of their children. When Tim and Kelly go someplace, they can take their children along knowing that their children won’t disrupt others or play the obnoxious card.

But Kelly says it wasn’t always that way. There was a time when their daughter, Madison, at age three, was a tantrum thrower and as Kelly describes her, a beast. She would throw her hands up in the air and collapse to the ground sobbing. Her behavior would get beyond comprehension and for the finale the shower of tears rained over what had become a major meltdown.

“We tried everything,” says Kelly. Then they decided that her behavior did not go together with all the things that she enjoyed in her little world, so they decided to withdraw her toys and her games and the things she loved to do and show her that tantrums and toys did not go together.

Kelly and Tim slowly emptied her room of every single toy, every single activity down to a bed, a dresser, and one doll to sleep with. Everything went into their garage and was off limits to the child.

If her behavior was good for a day, she could earn a toy back. If she threw a tantrum, she would lose a toy. It was that simple. The child was able, by her own choices, to either enjoy what her parents had graciously given her, or forfeit her luxuries in favor of a tantrum.

Now what does this teach a child? Critics would say that this was cruel and unusual punishment, and that it won’t work because such a punishment holds a child to a level of competence she doesn’t understand.

On the other hand, Kelly is a teacher and Tim has counseling training, and in this very proactive and non-violent scheme, they have taught Madison to control her temper for her own sake. “If you want your toys, you have to make good choices.”

This wonderful educational scheme allowed Madison to make choices and see the result. She traded up - the tantrums for a beautiful life. The training is proactive because it eliminated temptations, excuses, and interference. It simply and completely said, “Here’s the deal. You live up to your end of the bargain, and so will we one toy at a time.”

What Madison learned is that’s the way life is. If you play by the rules, you get the life rewards of doing well. If you let others always take the blame, take the brunt of your temper; nobody will want to play with you.

And what is the result of this three years later? At the time, it took Madison four months to earn all her toys back. Because of this loving training engineered by her parents, she has become a workhorse. Madison works hard at everything she does. She loves being at big school now, and she loves the challenges in front of her, and at the same time, her parents are very proud of their beautifully behaved young lady.

(Editor’s note: Judy Lyden has worked with very young children for over thirty years. She’s been a preschool teacher for over twenty. She co-owns the Garden School, an early childhood academic center, with Edith St. Louis.)

Source: WFIE-TV
http://www.14wfie.com/Global/story.asp?S=7486189&nav=menu54_2/Global/category.asp

England has a new plan for helping children with ADHD: Treat the parents first.

With that, the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence is giving a big “Whoa, Nelly!” to the recent trend toward increased use of Ritalin in the United Kingdom, saying instead that the first response should be to give parents training on how to handle kids who are inattentive, hyperactive, or impulsive.

What would ADHD treatment look like here if the United States adopted the same national standard? With as many as 10 percent of children here medicated, that’s no small question.

The news about England’s new ADHD treatment standard comes at the same time that a new report says American children are three times more likely to be prescribed stimulant drugs like Ritalin than are children in Europe. American kids probably aren’t more hyper than their European counterparts; indeed, international surveys have shown that there’s ADHD in every corner of the world. There are a lot of reasons for the differences in prescribing among countries, including direct-to-consumer drug advertising, different government restrictions and insurance reimbursements, and most important, cultural beliefs. If an American doctor diagnosed a child with ADHD and recommended counseling, most parents would presume it was for the kid.

“Sometimes, parents make that presumption, but when you’re talking about counseling—behavior management, proper rewards, consistency in parenting—it’s really a parent-focused therapy,” says Andrew Adesman, the chief of developmental and behavioral pediatrics at Schneider Children’s Hospital in New Hyde Park, N.Y., who is active with CHADD, an advocacy organization for people with ADHD. In other words, change the parent’s behavior, and the child’s behavior will change, too. The parent training recommended is not specific to ADHD but rather teaches behavior management skills that could be used with all children: having realistic expectations for a child’s behavior, clearly explaining goals and rules, identifying behavior that’s inappropriate, and following through with sanctions for rule violations and rewards for good behavior.

Earlier this year, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the secrets to raising great kids and learned that we know what works; it’s just that in the heat of the moment, we parents often do the wrong thing. A lot of what works is counterintuitive. Scientists have conclusively proven that nagging doesn’t work, for instance, but we all do it.

Saying that parents of a child with ADHD need training doesn’t mean that the parents are the problem, Adesman says. “But maybe they need to change their approach to the child, or be more realistic. The parents can oftentimes improve the child’s behavior.”

That’s of a piece with the controversial advice from Lawrence Diller, a pediatrician in Walnut Creek, Calif., whose books about children and ADHD include The Last Normal Child. Parents who create and enforce clear rules can often inspire a dramatic turnaround in child behavior, Diller says. The controversy comes because Diller argues that, with some children, discipline can also include spanking.

The British experts don’t say never use Ritalin. Rather, they say it should be reserved for children with severe ADHD. Studies in the United States have shown that medication improves behavior faster than therapy in the short term. But for many families, parent training or family therapy can be the answer to the often-troubling question on Ritalin—yes or no?

Most health insurance doesn’t provide nearly the same coverage for education and counseling as it does for pill-prescribing, and in some communities, it can be hard to impossible to find good services. Now that the powers in the U.K. have decreed that parent education comes first, that means that insurance will pay for it. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if American families had that same opportunity?

Source: U.S. News & World Report
http://tinyurl.com/456dr2

A new research has suggested that authoritarian parenting style may put children at an increased risk of developing an obsessive passion for a favorite hobby.

Children raised by strict parents are often moody, unhappy, fearful, and irritable. Adding more to this, the Canadian researchers warn that haughty parents can turn their kids’ passion for hobbies into unhealthy obsession.

It is widely known that a child’s psychological development is linked to the parenting style with which he or she is raised. Now, a study from the University of Montreal in Canada suggests that when parents are too strict, children will become hooked on their hobbies.

Such children turn into obsessive hobbyists, and even put their interests ahead of school, work, friends or family, the researchers said.

Lead researchers Genevieve Mageau of the University of Montreal and colleagues reached their findings after studying 588 children and adults between the ages of 6 and 38, with interests such as science, dancing, playing the piano, skiing and swimming.

All the participants, who practiced their hobby at different levels - beginner, intermediate and expert, were quizzed about their hobbies and parents by Mageau’s team who used a Likert-type scale to measure their responses.

After evaluating the levels of participants’ passion regarding their hobbies, Mageau and colleagues found that children of pushy parents were more likely to be obsessive about their hobbies.

“The more controlling parents are, the harder it is for the child to have a harmonious passion for their favorite activity,” Mageau said. “Youngsters with a harmonious passion had parents or an entourage that supported them, while those with an obsessive passion were raised in an oppressive environment.”

In the study published in the Journal of Personality, some parents admitted exercising abusive authority over their children and sometimes forced their kids to pursue a hobby against his or her will.

“The child learns that by obeying their parents they will be loved,” Mageau said. “The risk is that as adults they continue to pursue the activity to maintain their self-esteem.”

Parents often wonder what parenting styles could lead to the ‘perfect child,’ one who has good morals, is self motivated and does well in school, and stays away from dangerous activities. The parent-child relationship consists of a combination of behaviors, feelings, and expectations that are unique to a particular parent and a particular child.

Source: TheMedGuru
http://tinyurl.com/3ofxzt

A few years ago, a restaurant owner in Chicago caused an uproar by posting a sign that read:

Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices.

I wouldn’t think anyone needs a sign to state the obvious, but in this age of permissive parenting, they do. Offended mothers mounted a boycott! They were shocked that anyone would dare insinuate their children didn’t have every right to climb onto the counter and start waving salt shakers over their heads.

Their contention? Perhaps it’s a display of their individuality through creative dance, and besides, “it makes little Taylor happy.”

Too often we expect others to do as we say and not as we do. Dinner service in a crowded restaurant is slow, and you snap at the waiter. You’re running out the door when the phone rings; so you grab it and say, “What do you want? I’m busy.” Do you treat friends and strangers with equal consideration?

Even if your manners are generally good, everyone slips from time to time, which gives parents the chance to highlight their own mistakes in front of their children, own up to them, and say how they will change their behavior in the future. If we model good manners, our children will be quick studies.

My own children haven’t always been angels, but when they err I immediately point it out and have them correct their behavior. At times I have made them apologize to the people that might have been bothered by their behavior. Because of that, there are numerous times on airplanes and in restaurants where employees will actually thank my husband and me for having such well-behaved children. I actually think this highlights the plight of manners in our society. I constantly have to correct their manners, and the thought that they are better than most is pretty scary!

While punishing bad behavior is necessary, there should also be a focus on acknowledging good behavior. One waitress came to our table and, in front of our children, detailed the bad behavior and poor manners of children who had been at a nearby table. She then thanked our children for behaving so well.

I think it really made an impact on them to hear it from someone else. They realized that good manners do matter to more people than just their parents! (And what do parents know anyway?) That said, it’s just as important to hear it from Mom and Dad.

E.D. Hill is a FOX News Channel host and author of “I’m Not Your Friend, I’m Your Parent.” She has eight children.

Source: FOXNews
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,429727,00.html

When it comes to instilling a love of reading, husband and I have done everything right — or so we thought. We read together with the boys during the day and at bedtime. We go to the library regularly as a family. And through the years, the boys have shown their love of books by falling asleep with piles of children’s page turners on their beds.

But when it comes to getting 6-year-old to actually read by himself, well, that’s another matter entirely. Early reading books simply aren’t engaging him. We’ve tried “Little Bear” books with some success. “Frog and Toad” are stories he likes, but not if he has to go it solo. “Amelia Bedelia” makes him laugh, but again … he’s got no desire to pick it up like his Legos, for instance.

And so, we’ve lowered our expectations. A few paragraphs in a Star Wars sticker book … great! Signs on roads and buildings … sure. The Lego catalogue … um, is he actually looking at any of the words? Do the instructions on math worksheets count?

According to Jon Scieszka, I’m not alone in having a boy who is not finding reading material that truly engages him. Scieszka, who spent years teaching, is the author of The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales and is the Library of Congress’ first national ambassador for children’s books. He’ll be in Washington this Saturday for the National Book Festival on the mall from 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.

“We’ve had this problem with boys not achieving and reading for a long time,” Scieszka says, noting that although we’re generalizing about boys, there are always exceptions. “For the longest time, you couldn’t even say boys and girls were different. It was taboo in the educational world.” But different they are, biologically and socially, he asserts. Boys need “move time,” which they’re getting less and less of in school these days. “That’s how they’re built,” he says.

The biggest change we can all make in giving boys a love of reading is to expand our definition of reading beyond fiction, Scieszka says. Research shows that boys will read with their friends and want to be readers, but they want it on their terms. “They’d rather read nonfiction or humor, graphic novels, science fiction, action adventure, audio books, or online reading and magazines,” Scieszka says. Much of this reading, boys don’t even think of as reading, he notes. Also key: Include boys in choosing their reading material. Often books that were favorites of mom or teachers (who are mostly female) and librarians (also, mostly female) will feel like “going to the dentist” for boys, Scieszka asserts.

Great new titles are coming out every year, Scieszka says. He recommends Sterling Point Books’ redone autobiographies for older kids and Mo Willems’ Elephant and Piggy for younger ones. Other winners in his book: Tony DiTerlizzi’s “Kenny and the Dragon”, “Fog Mound Chronicles” by Susan Schade and Jon Buller, Eoin Colfer’s “Artemis Fowl” books; Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson’s “Neverland”, Neil Gaiman’s “The Graveyard Book” and Corey Doctorow’s “Little Brother”.

In the graphic novel realm, the publisher First Second has a whole range of graphic novels that appeal to younger guys and older ones. Particularly good is the Robot series for younger readers, Scieszka says. For middle readers, try Jeff Smith’s BONE series. And some boys really like Captain Underpants. Finding graphic novels can be a challenge, Scieszka says, because teachers, librarians and parents need to read through them rather than scan them for age appropriateness. Some publishers are starting to recognize this, though, and are putting age recommendations on the books.

And for nonfiction, Scieszka recommends Timothy Bradley’s “Paleo Bugs” and “Paleo Sharks”.

What reading material — particularly alternative reading — engages your sons?

Source: Washington Post
http://tinyurl.com/3gutut

Headaches around the topic of children and sleep tend to be par for the course when you’re a parent. Everything from enforcing bedtimes and pre-sleep routines to making sure they sleep through the night is enough to overwhelm any parent.

The Better Sleep Council Canada offers these tips to ease the sleep stresses:

Set a good example. Kids learn by example. Parents should establish proper, consistent sleep habits themselves as a model for their children.

Regularly check what you and your kids are sleeping on. While mattresses should generally be replaced every eight to 10 years, a child’s mattress may need to be replaced sooner than that. Your child’s body is growing and changing quickly; a mattress that was beneficial just a few years ago may not big or comfortable enough now.

Set and adhere to a steady sleep routine. Going to bed and waking at the same time will help your child realize that all of us, regardless of age, have bedtimes that we should stick to.

Make your bed. Show pride in maintaining an ordered bedroom that is a relaxing retreat.

Be patient. Don’t be discouraged if it takes a few weeks for your kids to entirely embrace their new sleep routine. Good sleep habits are formed over time. Consistency and commitment to your sleep and health are vital.

Source: Canada.com
http://tinyurl.com/4yfr4m

The class was working peacefully. It was the first lesson of the morning and everyone was a little bleary-eyed.

Joe Smith, I notice was doodling on a text book. ‘Come on Joe. That’s enough of that. Get on with your work please.’

I was new to teaching and trying to be firm but fair. The next minute, Joe grabbed his neighbour’s pencil case and threw it across the floor. When I remonstrated him he told me to ‘f*** off’.

At the end of the lesson I asked him to stay behind. Demanding an apology, I told him I’d be phoning home as well as reporting his behaviour to the head.

Joe simply shrugged. ‘It’s not my fault. I’m ill. I’ve got ADHD. I can’t help it.’

This was the first time I’d heard of Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and I actually laughed. Appalling behaviour an illness? I’d never heard anything so ludicrous.

Now, I can honestly say I don’t think there’s a single class I teach without at least one and often two or three children being medicated with this very powerful class B drug.

Ritalin has unpleasant side effects - including sleeplessness and nausea - and the penalty for selling it illegally is a maximum of 14 years’ imprisonment.

If the answer to these questions is yes, then according to the ‘experts’, the child might well have ADHD. Alternatively, they may simply be a typical boy.

Added to the list of symptoms are, in my experience, extreme rudeness and a dislike of being asked to wear school uniform.

If asked several times to stop talking over me, children with the ‘illness’ generally swear at me.

When I phone their home, their parents react with the uniform comment: ‘He can’t help it. He’s got ADHD.’

Unsurprisingly, an increasing number of doctors and psychiatrists are expressing the fear that children are being labelled with a mental illness and given drugs for behaviour that in the past would simply have been labelled ‘very naughty.’

And anecdotally, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that schools are pressurising parents to put children who cause mayhem on Ritalin.

As a teacher, I’m secretly relieved when I hear that a particularly difficult child, one who won’t do any work, who chats and texts through the lesson, who sneers and swears at staff without a second thought, has been prescribed Ritalin.

The drug isn’t known as the ‘chemical cosh’ for nothing. If I’m honest, though, I don’t believe that these children are ill. I think they come from insecure, unstable backgrounds where the concept of a bedtime is as fanciful as the fairy tales they’ve never been read.

Of course, having an active, boisterous seven-year-old child is hard work. But it seems to me that far too many mums and dads are happy to have their children labelled with a psychiatric condition and drugged - even if the existence of the disorder is hotly disputed by the experts.

Youngsters might be turned into wide-eyed, slow-witted zombies, but at least they’re not running amok in the playground and inconveniencing their parents by getting suspended.

Ritalin, like Valium, has become mother’s little helper. It relieves parents of the responsibility of actually having to discipline their children. But as a society, we may pay a very high price indeed for drugging a generation of our children.

* Frances Childs is a teacher in a comprehensive school in the South of England.

Source: Daily Mail
http://tinyurl.com/4aqr7v