You are never too young (or too old) to learn about money. My first lesson about money was that candy bars cost 10 cents at the corner store in my small town, but only 9 cents at the big grocery store.

I also remember selling Kool-Aid on the sidewalk in front of our house. The flavor crystals, sugar, water, jug and glasses all came from our kitchen, so at 5 cents a glass I concluded that selling Kool-Aid was an exercise in pure profit.

Walking past the “Bank On It” exhibit in the Tacoma Children’s Museum last week, I saw 5-year-olds – who were still working on the art of sharing – discovering the more complex skills of budgeting and saving. They were playing (and learning) in these exhibits using “money” to make purchasing and savings decisions.

These preschoolers were learning a lesson that it takes most of us a lifetime to master: financial literacy. And watching them move from a “spend-it-all-on-ice-cream” decision reconsidered in favor of a “maybe-I’ll-save-some-for-cookies-too” mentality gives me hope for the future.

It’s a lesson we should all remember. Recent headlines confirm that even experts on Wall Street and in Washington are still learning it. Bailouts of financial institutions and industries, the distress caused by mortgage rollovers, and even teenagers getting into debt trouble are all cause for concern.

Through my work, I see both the benefit of providing families with the knowledge to avoid financial failures and the consequences when people lack an understanding of money management.

When we teach our children how to save money, make a budget, make thoughtful buying decisions, read a bank statement, bank online, use a debit or credit card, understand loans and use good judgment, we help them build immunity to predatory lenders, overdrawn accounts and housing foreclosure. We give them skills to survive and prosper.

Parents can help their children navigate an increasingly complex financial world by teaching the basics of money and finance at an early age. Like the preschoolers learning to budget for ice cream and cookies (not to mention candy bars), teaching our kids the basics of money and the benefits of saving can have enormous benefit down the road.

Where to begin? One of the basic skills of financial discipline is managing money, as opposed to just spending it. There are several good online resources for ways to explain money management to kids at each developmental stage. Try www.themint.org or www.jumpstart.org.

You can also use simple games to teach younger children valuable lessons. The National Council on Economic Education has a workbook full of ideas: “Financial Fitness for Life: The Parent’s Guide to Pocket Power.” There, you’ll find resources on story books that teach financial skills, and family activities that reinforce financial messages, such as “Goods vs. Services.”

In this activity, parents help children identify three “goods” and three “services” found at home. Children draw pictures of the goods and services, and use old magazines to clip photographs that illustrate them. This activity helps even young children distinguish between goods and services.

Schools are starting to offer more robust financial education as well. Check with your local school board to find out how you can support more financial education in your school system.

Some schools are partnering with Junior Achievement to provide financial education. Junior Achievement has exceptional experiential learning opportunities for children and young adults. In a dozen or so states across the country, children visit a Junior Achievement Finance Park, where they learn about how money works in real life.

They are randomly assigned an education level, profession, income and life situation (they might be a single parent, married couple, single person).

Based on their life situation, they go from one storefront to another in the village, setting up bank accounts, applying for mortgages or choosing to rent an apartment, buying a car or getting a bus pass, paying for groceries and clothing, and supporting children. They make decisions about how much money to spend on what, as long as it fits within their means.

The results are astounding. They quickly understand the value of trade-offs needed to make the budget work. And they might go home with a little more empathy for their parents’ financial decision-making, at least for a day.

Preparing our children to be money-smart, or financially literate, may be one of the most important and challenging responsibilities we have as parents.

The best place to learn financial literacy is at home. Talk about financial decisions with children at every opportunity. Involve children in money activities, such as saving for a special vacation over a period of time.

Be financially responsible yourself – role-model what you want your children to do. Take a class and increase your own financial knowledge. Have a family budget and retirement plan and share it with your family.

When you pass up some ice cream and cookies to create and build a stronger savings account that supports your financial goals, you teach by example. Meet with a financial professional to accelerate your financial literacy journey.

Patricia Akiyama is director of government relations for Russell Investments. This article is part of a series of monthly columns by Russell associates.

Source: TheNewsTribune.com
http://www.thenewstribune.com/business/story/499949.html

A few years ago, a restaurant owner in Chicago caused an uproar by posting a sign that read:

Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices.

I wouldn’t think anyone needs a sign to state the obvious, but in this age of permissive parenting, they do. Offended mothers mounted a boycott! They were shocked that anyone would dare insinuate their children didn’t have every right to climb onto the counter and start waving salt shakers over their heads.

Their contention? Perhaps it’s a display of their individuality through creative dance, and besides, “it makes little Taylor happy.”

Too often we expect others to do as we say and not as we do. Dinner service in a crowded restaurant is slow, and you snap at the waiter. You’re running out the door when the phone rings; so you grab it and say, “What do you want? I’m busy.” Do you treat friends and strangers with equal consideration?

Even if your manners are generally good, everyone slips from time to time, which gives parents the chance to highlight their own mistakes in front of their children, own up to them, and say how they will change their behavior in the future. If we model good manners, our children will be quick studies.

My own children haven’t always been angels, but when they err I immediately point it out and have them correct their behavior. At times I have made them apologize to the people that might have been bothered by their behavior. Because of that, there are numerous times on airplanes and in restaurants where employees will actually thank my husband and me for having such well-behaved children. I actually think this highlights the plight of manners in our society. I constantly have to correct their manners, and the thought that they are better than most is pretty scary!

While punishing bad behavior is necessary, there should also be a focus on acknowledging good behavior. One waitress came to our table and, in front of our children, detailed the bad behavior and poor manners of children who had been at a nearby table. She then thanked our children for behaving so well.

I think it really made an impact on them to hear it from someone else. They realized that good manners do matter to more people than just their parents! (And what do parents know anyway?) That said, it’s just as important to hear it from Mom and Dad.

E.D. Hill is a FOX News Channel host and author of “I’m Not Your Friend, I’m Your Parent.” She has eight children.

Source: FOXNews
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,429727,00.html

When it comes to instilling a love of reading, husband and I have done everything right — or so we thought. We read together with the boys during the day and at bedtime. We go to the library regularly as a family. And through the years, the boys have shown their love of books by falling asleep with piles of children’s page turners on their beds.

But when it comes to getting 6-year-old to actually read by himself, well, that’s another matter entirely. Early reading books simply aren’t engaging him. We’ve tried “Little Bear” books with some success. “Frog and Toad” are stories he likes, but not if he has to go it solo. “Amelia Bedelia” makes him laugh, but again … he’s got no desire to pick it up like his Legos, for instance.

And so, we’ve lowered our expectations. A few paragraphs in a Star Wars sticker book … great! Signs on roads and buildings … sure. The Lego catalogue … um, is he actually looking at any of the words? Do the instructions on math worksheets count?

According to Jon Scieszka, I’m not alone in having a boy who is not finding reading material that truly engages him. Scieszka, who spent years teaching, is the author of The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales and is the Library of Congress’ first national ambassador for children’s books. He’ll be in Washington this Saturday for the National Book Festival on the mall from 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.

“We’ve had this problem with boys not achieving and reading for a long time,” Scieszka says, noting that although we’re generalizing about boys, there are always exceptions. “For the longest time, you couldn’t even say boys and girls were different. It was taboo in the educational world.” But different they are, biologically and socially, he asserts. Boys need “move time,” which they’re getting less and less of in school these days. “That’s how they’re built,” he says.

The biggest change we can all make in giving boys a love of reading is to expand our definition of reading beyond fiction, Scieszka says. Research shows that boys will read with their friends and want to be readers, but they want it on their terms. “They’d rather read nonfiction or humor, graphic novels, science fiction, action adventure, audio books, or online reading and magazines,” Scieszka says. Much of this reading, boys don’t even think of as reading, he notes. Also key: Include boys in choosing their reading material. Often books that were favorites of mom or teachers (who are mostly female) and librarians (also, mostly female) will feel like “going to the dentist” for boys, Scieszka asserts.

Great new titles are coming out every year, Scieszka says. He recommends Sterling Point Books’ redone autobiographies for older kids and Mo Willems’ Elephant and Piggy for younger ones. Other winners in his book: Tony DiTerlizzi’s “Kenny and the Dragon”, “Fog Mound Chronicles” by Susan Schade and Jon Buller, Eoin Colfer’s “Artemis Fowl” books; Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson’s “Neverland”, Neil Gaiman’s “The Graveyard Book” and Corey Doctorow’s “Little Brother”.

In the graphic novel realm, the publisher First Second has a whole range of graphic novels that appeal to younger guys and older ones. Particularly good is the Robot series for younger readers, Scieszka says. For middle readers, try Jeff Smith’s BONE series. And some boys really like Captain Underpants. Finding graphic novels can be a challenge, Scieszka says, because teachers, librarians and parents need to read through them rather than scan them for age appropriateness. Some publishers are starting to recognize this, though, and are putting age recommendations on the books.

And for nonfiction, Scieszka recommends Timothy Bradley’s “Paleo Bugs” and “Paleo Sharks”.

What reading material — particularly alternative reading — engages your sons?

Source: Washington Post
http://tinyurl.com/3gutut

Up to one in 11 children in Britain may suffer from an attention deficit disorder, government advisers will say this week.

Recommendations on the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) say families in which pre-school children have behavioural problems should be given parenting classes, reigniting a debate about whether the condition is a medical diagnosis or the result of poor upbringing.

The guidance by the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (Nice) is expected to say that up to 9 per cent of children and 2 per cent of adults fall within broad definitions of ADHD. It will recommend that the stimulant Ritalin be prescribed to all children and adults with a severe form of the condition and to all moderate cases which do not respond to talking therapies or parenting classes.

Prof Philip Asherson, one of the experts who produced the guidance, due out on Wednesday, said they tried to avoid following the model of ADHD care in the United States, where medication is the norm and routinely used to tackle minor behavioural and educational problems.

He said: “We worked very hard to avoid the approach in the US, where one in 10 children are being treated with stimulants. The guidance makes it clear that medication is the right approach in some cases but that it should not be used for everyone and certainly not to tackle minor educational problems.”

The psychologist Oliver James accused psychiatrists of medicalising a problem that was caused by upbringing. He said: “Psychiatrists invented this category to medicalise when in fact it is a social problem linked to low incomes and parenting difficulties.” He said the best approach to children with ADHD-like symptoms was to give them more attention and affection.

Andrea Bilbow, chief executive of the National Attention Deficit Disorder Information and Support Service, also attacked the guidance. She said the parenting programmes it recommended were not specific to ADHD and would offer little help to families.

Dr Sami Timimi, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Lincolnshire, who does not believe ADHD is a valid diagnosis, said Nice had produced no evidence that the condition existed, or that medication worked, despite coming to conclusions supporting its use.

Dr Timimi, author of Naughty Boys: Anti-social Behaviour, ADHD and the Role of Culture, said draft guidance produced by Nice cited a study that showed Ritalin improved the performance of patients after 14 months but did not consider the longer-term results of the same study, which showed that after three years it made no difference.

Stoke uses drug 23 times less than the Wirral

Doctors are 23 times more likely to prescribe drugs such as Ritalin for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in some areas of the country than in others.

In the Wirral, one prescription of the drug class methylphenidate, which includes Ritalin, was dispensed for every seven children last year, according to the Health Service Journal. Other areas with high rates included the Isle of Wight, Great Yarmouth and Medway in Kent.

Doctors in Stoke on Trent handed out the drugs least frequently, with one prescription per 159 children.

Latest figures show almost 500,000 prescriptions for stimulants for under-16s last year, more than double the 200,000 issued in 2003. The Department of Health said the figures reflected the number of prescriptions, which could include repeat orders for the same child.

Solurce: Telegraph.co.uk
http://tinyurl.com/53uulo

Most parenting books tackle topics like getting your baby to sleep through the night, helping your school-age child deal with bullies, and making sure your teen resists drugs and alcohol. In other words, parenting experts focus mostly on the experience of parents whose children still live at home.

But what about the rest of us? Truth is most parents will spend a great deal more of their lives dealing with adult children than with those who live under our roofs. Surely we need some support, too.

It’s high time for a book like Ruth Nemzoff’s Don’t Bite Your Tongue. In it, Nemzoff, who lectures on family dynamics at Brandeis University and who is the mother of four grown children, focuses on what she calls “second-stage parenting.”

As the title of this book suggests, Nemzoff takes issue with conventional wisdom. She argues that when it comes to dealing with our adult children, letting things slide is not always the best approach. She acknowledges that second-stage parents must walk a fine line as they attempt to find a balance between intimacy and independence.

Nemzoff recommends that parents “craft new ways of connecting” with their adult offspring. Parents, she writes, should not be afraid of conflict. If something about your adult children’s lives really bothers you, it’s worth discussing, says Nemzoff. But she adds that timing is crucial, advising parents to choose the best moments for difficult conversations with their grown children.

This book also includes useful chapters on weddings, grandparenting and money. Nemzoff believes parents, especially those who are past retirement age, need to openly discuss finances with their children. When it comes to wills, Nemzoff suggests wisely, “the only surprises you want in your wills are good ones.”

Nemzoff has enough parenting experience to know preaching does not work. Every parent-child relationship is unique and will require different strategies. Parenting, Nemzoff writes, “is more akin to looking in the fridge and conjuring up a meal from what’s in it, than following a recipe.” (…)

Source: The Gazette (Montreal)
http://tinyurl.com/3fct2k

If your baby could talk, she wouldn’t need to cry. But until she can start forming words, she’ll likely stick to the whimpers and tears she’s using now to let you know what she wants.

What makes baby cry?

– Different types of crying mean different things. There’s the “I’m tired” or “I’m hungry” as well as the “I’m frustrated … need a diaper change … want to be held…” cries. The best way you can determine what each cries means is to listen intently each time your infant cries. You’ll soon get to know what baby is trying to say with each pitch and wail.

– As baby grows. Experts agree that babies will often cry right before they experience a growth period. They have an amazing ability to sense a change about to occur - physically and developmentally.

– Bath time. Infants do not like the feeling that comes with being totally undressed during bath time. To avoid this situation, keep baby’s diaper on if you can, or wash quickly taking turns covering baby’s top half while washing the bottom - then reverse it.

– Bedtime. Nighttime is the time to release pent up frustration and energy baby has built up during the day. P.S.: Fussy babies usually sleep soundly and for longer periods of time.

– Crib time. Babies need some time to adjust to a sterile crib after nine months inhabiting a warm, comfy womb. Bright lights, sharp sounds, lots of action - it’s a different life than your infant was used to.

– Are you stressed? Infants are like little sponges and can pick up on the stress you may be feeling, putting a tearful spin on it on your behalf.

– Does baby not feel well? Colic, which can last for a long time, may make baby cry. The American Academy of Pediatrics says colic causes severe abdominal discomfort. If crying is intense, starts around the same time each day, causes baby to pull her legs up to her chest or get a bloated tummy, colic can be the cause.

– Other medical conditions can also cause crying: fever, diarrhea, vomiting. With each of these conditions, a call to the pediatrician is in order.

– Is this cry different? Is baby sounding more screechy? Is he louder than usual or whining as well? Again, it’s time to call the pediatrician.

Ways to soothe baby

– Hold baby to your shoulder to comfort her.

– Turn on the music. The rhythm found in music mimics the mother’s heartbeat as heard in the womb. Put your MP3 player on the speakers and turn up the music (classical is great for this purpose). Listening to classical music at a young age also helps increase math skills later on.

– Babies may also be soothed by familiar, rhythmic sounds such as the vacuum cleaner, hair dryer, air conditioner or the sound of trickling water.

– Comfort object. A blankie, favorite toy or perhaps an old T-shirt with your smell on it may help baby calm down.

– Help baby zone out by watching repetitive activity, such as fish going round a fish tank, a mobile turning gently or a lamp that projects figures on the wall as it swirls.

Parenting tip from the trenches

If baby’s crying is constant and lasts more than three months, it’s time for a pediatrician to run some tests.

Doreen Nagle is author of But I Don’t Feel Too Old To Be A Mommy (…)

Source: Hattiesburg American
http://www.hattiesburgamerican.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080918/MOMS03/80917016

Is school breaking our boys? Accumulating evidence says yes:

* Boys are kicked out of preschool at 4.5 times the rate of girls.
* Boys lag behind girls in reading and writing in elementary school, a lag that gets bigger in middle school and high school.
* Teenage boys are four times as likely to commit suicide as girls.
* Girls are doing so much better than boys at academics that by 2016 only 40 percent of college undergraduates are expected to be men.

I saw the roots of this miserable trend up close and personal last week when I visited my daughter’s elementary school lunchroom. The girls sat quietly talking and eating. The boys were jumping up, poking each other, spilling juice, running around the table, smooshing their pb&js into a ball. The lunchroom ladies’ response: Sit down and zip your lip. Yikes! These are 5-year-olds we’re talking about here, and this was their first break after a morning of literacy and math lessons. In kindergarten. Is it any wonder boys might conclude that school is not for them?

So I feel lucky to have come across The Trouble With Boys, a new book by Peg Tyre. Peg’s my kinda gal, a former investigative reporter for Newsweek who doesn’t take anyone’s word for it. She’s also the mother of two sons. When she heard that even at fancy New York private schools the struggling students were almost all male, she decided to investigate, looking for solid data as to why. What she found isn’t pretty. Among her findings:

• Teachers and principals know that boys are struggling but feel it’s politically incorrect to suggest that the curriculum needs to be changed to help boys.

• Schools have cut recess and gym and increased classroom time to boost test scores, but the lack of exercise is actually making it harder for boys (and girls) to learn.

• Most reading curricula are based on narrative fiction that turns off boys. How many boys want to read Little House on the Prairie?

There’s a lot of misinformation out there on how boys learn, Tyre found. She cites the example of Michael Gurian, who tells teachers at his popular workshops that neuroscientists have identified a “boy brain” that is less adept at staying focused than is a “girl brain.” At first, Tyre thought this made sense. But then she took the next step and asked the neuroscientists who did the research Gurian cites if this is true. They all said, no way do we know enough about the brain to say there’s a “boy brain.” “When we talk about gender, we’re talking about something that’s pretty complicated,” Tyre told me. “It’s not just nature. It’s not just nurture.” And there will be no simple solutions. But there are smart parents, smart teachers, and smart principals out there who are trying their own experiments to help boys, and getting good results. Tyre’s reporting provides solid information that parents can act on now:

• Boys do much better at reading and writing when the subject matter matches their interests. Savvy parents offer nonfiction books and stories with action and don’t cringe when their darling wants to write about Pokémon or Star Wars. Who cares if the kid’s reading Captain Underpants or The Day My Butt Went Psycho, as long as he loves to read?

• Dads can encourage their sons to read by reading to them on topics they both love. One smart school invited uniformed police officers (macho male ones) to come read to the kids each day.

• Find out how much PE and movement time your child gets, and advocate for more. Research unequivocally shows that all kids do better in school when they get plenty of time to run, jump, and play, and boys need time for tag and other rambunctious games. When you have your kids at home on the weekend, Tyre notes, you don’t keep them locked inside from 8 to 3 because you know they’ll turn into screaming meemies if you do.

All parents want their children to grow up to be happy and successful. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if reading The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts helped boys get there?

Source: U.S. News & World Report
http://tinyurl.com/6movp5

Times Tables, the Key to Your Child’s Success?

When did you lose interest in math? Never had any? Maybe, but Eugenia Francis knows exactly when it started to happen to her son. The moment? The dread rite of passage all children face: the multiplication tables.

As her son struggled with endless drills, Francis realized there had to be a better way. Why not learn the tables in context of one another and emphasize the commutative property (i.e. 4 x 6 is the same as 6 x 4) of the multiplication tables? Francis drew a grid for tables 1-10 and discovered patterns for her son to decode. The mysteries of the times tables unfolded as a daily exploration of “magic” never discussed in his third-grade class. Their fridge eventually was papered with patterns that made the times tables intriguing. “Patterns made my son smile,” Francis says. “He could see the structure and knew he got it right.”

Ever the creative educator, Francis taught college English. “Patterns whether in literature or math,” she says, “reveal the underlying structure. There is an inherent simplicity in them, an inherent beauty. Math should engage your child’s imagination.”

At the kitchen table, Francis applied her skills to math. Why not learn the tables in order of difficulty? Tables 2, 4, 6 and 8 are easy to learn as they end in some combination of 2-4-6-8-0. Tables for odd numbers also have distinct patterns. Why not a more creative approach? Thus was born Teach Your Child the Multiplication Tables, Fun, Fast and Easy with Dazzling Patterns, Grids and Tricks! (available on Amazon and www.TeaCHildMath.com ) and mom the entrepreneur.

Patterns appeal to children. Learning to recognize patterns teaches analytical skills. A review in California Homeschool News stated: “My daughter thinks it’s lots of fun. She’s already had quite a few ‘ah-ha moments as she recognizes and predicts the various patterns.” Patterns enhance recall. “Children with ADHD, dyslexia and autism do well with my method,” Francis says.

Parents and teachers must ensure children learn the multiplication tables. “Without them a child is doomed,” Francis states. A child who has not mastered the times tables has difficulty succeeding in mathematics beyond the third grade.

A recent editorial in the Los Angeles Times noted that failure to pass Algebra I was the “single biggest obstacle to high school graduation” and that failure to master the multiplication tables was one of the main reasons. A survey of California Algebra I teachers report that 30% of their students do not know the multiplication tables. It is hardly surprising then that fifteen-year olds in the U.S. rank near the bottom of industrialized nations in math skills.

“We have one of the highest high school dropout rates in the industrialized world,” Bill Gates stated. “If we keep the system as it is, millions of children will never get a chance to fulfill their promise because of their Zip Code, their skin color or their parents’ income. That is offensive to our values.”

Teachers must innovate and bring the magic of math into the classroom. Parents must do their part. “Parents have a huge influence over a third or fourth grader,” Francis states. “By high school it may be too late. Why not take the opportunity that teaching the multiplication tables provides to give your child a head start in math and develop analytical skills necessary for algebra? Mastery of the multiplication tables is essential to your child’s future.”

Francis published her innovative workbook to help other families. “If more of us would do for other people’s children what we do for our own, the world would be a better place.”

About Eugenia Francis
Eugenia Francis taught English at the University of California at Irvine. Faced with the challenge of teaching her son the multiplication tables, she developed her own innovative method, discovering patterns to the multiplication tables. She has also published a Spanish edition of the workbook. Teach Your Child the Multiplication Tables sells on Amazon in the US, Canada, the UK, France, Germany and Japan.

Source: NewsBlaze, CA
http://newsblaze.com/story/20080913052623zzzz.nb/topstory.html

So much of what babies do - and how their parents react - is a relic of our hunter-gatherer past, says Desmond Morris in his new book, writes Mary Russell

He has published some 50 books, enjoys a parallel career as a surrealist painter, does one drawing every day without fail, has a theory about the office of the future (it will be a huge televisual voice-activated screen occupying one whole wall of your living room, on which your work colleagues will appear in hologram form), and because he is entranced with the subject matter, is unashamedly enthusiastic about his latest book, called simply Baby. Yes, Desmond Morris is back again with an examination of that most intriguing of animals, the human infant.

It is 41 years since he first hit the headlines with The Naked Ape. “If I wrote that book now,” Morris tells me in his Oxford home, “I’d call it ‘The Talking Ape’, because that’s what sets us apart from other animals: we can make symbolic equations. I might say to you, ‘look at that tree’, and the sound of the word bears no relation to a tree, yet you immediately visualise a tree. I know we’re only divided from apes by two chromosomes, but they’re pretty big chromosomes.”

An instant bestseller (12 million copies sold to date) it allowed him and his wife, Ramona, to buy a house in Malta, where she had their son, Jason.

“We were married for 16 years,” he says, “and people were asking why we didn’t have a child. They thought I should be studying a human child rather than other animals, but we were living in a flat in London and an urban environment with all that concrete is no place to raise a child. Then, when he was born, people said ‘now you can study him’, but I said, ‘no, I’m going to love him’. You can get too scientific.”

Jason, now himself the father of four children, lives with his wife in Co Kildare, where he is director of racing at Horse Racing Ireland.

This latest book, Baby, is gorgeously illustrated, with the text covering every aspect of human growth from conception through to the second year, thus taking in that minefield of childhood: the terrible twos. Not that Morris sees it like that at all: “What happens is that a small baby who is secure and loved can do very little for the first year or so, but then that very security allows him to try things out and sometimes it gets out of hand.”

Thus the terrible twos go through what he benignly describes as the “eccentric phase”. Does he tell us how to deal with such matters? “No. I just give people the facts about the child’s development, and after that it’s up to them,” he says.

He has great sympathy for the young single parent - it’s usually a mother - coping on her own in an urban setting. “That’s a very lonely place to be. It’s part of our birthright to come together in groups and that doesn’t happen any more,” he says.

And then he gets to it - the hunter-gatherer bit - about how in the old days, and we’re really going back here, the male could display his manliness by hunting and killing and so forth, and thus, his masculinity recognised and established, he could return home to display tenderness towards his children without anyone calling him a girl’s blouse. The other thing was that when we lived in small tribes, the mother could take her child with her to work, swaddled on her back or placed in a hanging basket on a tree so that the two were always within sight or hearing of each other. “Now,” Morris says, “that’s gone. You can’t breastfeed in the boardroom - unless you’re Karren Brady .”

His other concern is with what he calls “yes parents” and “no parents”. A controlling one (a no parent) robs the child of the feeling that the world is full of possibilities. These children grow up to be over-cautious and conservative in their outlook, whereas a child with a yes parent is adventurous and non-conformist. I can tell from this that his own mother was a yes mother and he agrees.

“When I was about five or six, I asked if I could have a tame fox for a pet, and I got not one but two.”

And lots of other creatures as well, which was very noble of his mother, he remarks, because we all know it’s the mother who ends up looking after all these pets.

Mothers rate big with Morris and this is partly because the female is pre-programmed to relate to babies. Come, I can’t help interrupting, surely nurture is a big player in the ping-pong game of gender bias. But he is unperturbed.

“I’m not so sure,” he says, far too genial to contradict me outright. “Children will make a choice. They’ll filter things.”

And so I tell him of my son who, when small, was given a doll’s house to play with and the doll family always ended up on the roof of the house awaiting rescue by a fire engine or a helicopter because some action-packed drama was taking place below. He nods. “Yes, the child will make a choice that accords with its gender,” he says.

But I’m still not convinced by his pre-programming theory. How can he say for sure, I ask, feeling like Doubting Thomas. After all, this is a man who has spent his life studying animal behaviour.

“Well, there’s the pupil test,” he explains. “You have a device that measures pupil dilation, which, as we all know, is an indication of how much you like something. When you show a female an image of a baby, her pupils will dilate whether or not she has had a baby. But do the same with a male who is not yet a father and there is no response. No emotional bonding. However, do it with a male who has become a father and the pupils dilate just like a female’s.”

Sitting in Morris’s wonderfully comfortable library, its walls lined with books (all catalogued), masks and whatnot on the wall, rugs on the floor and a soft, low sofa that just begs to be sat upon - it’s a joy to watch the show as he acts out a woman’s pupils dilat- ing to an alarming size, popping his own eyes to emphasise his point. And because, in this dark world of bank crashes and credit crunches, he’s so smilingly positive, you’d almost want to hug him. But of course I don’t, because this is a serious interview, and so instead I ask him which creature might act as the best role model for a would-be parent.

“Birds,” he says promptly. “They have to make a nest and keep the egg warm, and both parents feed the young, and that’s what’s important: pair bonding. It demonstrates that human babies need two parents just as birds do. This is partly due to the fact that humans have serial litters. They need someone else there. In the animal world generally, a cat or a bitch will have a litter but won’t have another one till those babies have grown up and left the nest. The human mother will have a second litter before the first one is even weaned, sometimes.”

It’s not like monkeys, which cling to their mother’s fur and go wherever she goes. Incidentally, in the human baby, there’s what’s called the Moro reflex. Check it out. It occurs in very young babies when they fling their arms out and then bring them together again as if embracing something. They do the same with their legs.

“It’s a relic gesture,” says Morris’s book, “from when a baby felt itself falling from its mother’s body.”

Although Morris doesn’t tell parents how to behave, he does hint: “The relic gesture alerts the mother to the fact that her baby is suddenly feeling unsafe and physically insecure.”

So do something about it, is the gentle hint.

The baby book, says Morris, was a gift, as it allowed him to do what he’d trained as a zoologist to do: observe. “I’m not an experimenter. I just watch. You can’t ask babies questions or give them a questionnaire to fill in. You just watch them.”

There are gender differences that he outlines but doesn’t emphasise. Boy babies cry less because in the hunter-gatherer period they couldn’t make much noise or their prey would run away. Men are focused on one goal while women multi-task, though that doesn’t mean one can’t do the other.

” Ramona,” he says, “can multi-task, but so can I. It just means I have to try a little harder.”

The book is full of observations that we once knew but have forgotten. Small children’s feet are best left unshod, so only put shoes on them when they go outside. Tests have shown that toddlers rarely stray more than 60 metres from their mothers, so you don’t have to yank them back, they’ll come of their own accord. Unless they’re going through their eccentric phase, of course. At which point, you may find you’re giving yourself a hug. This, as Morris notes in his book, People Watching, is a comforting device employed by adults in moments of stress. Well, it’s better than reaching for a bottle of mother’s ruin.

• Baby: The Amazing Story of the First Two Years of Life, by Desmond Morris, is published by Hamlyn

Source: Irish Times, Ireland
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/features/2008/0912/1221138432919.html

The aim of my recent raw-nerve comment on child care was not to distress parents, it was merely to speak up for all the babies.

In most debates about child care, including this one, it’s all about the choices people have to make. It’s about the adults and their needs and their situations.

No one mentions the babies who are in full-time care under the age of 12 months, let alone at three weeks, for up to 60 hours a week, no one at all. How babies themselves are feeling, developing, reacting or suffering is never on the agenda.

Everyone’s too frightened to mention it.

It’s the big fat elephant in the room that no one has the bravery to acknowledge, let alone confront.

I’m aware that some parents and carers have felt attacked by my comments. I’m honestly sorry for that, but I won’t take back a single word, even though it wasn’t I who said the words child abuse in the first place.

I was simply quoting the owner of a brilliant child care facility in Queensland, who said to me last year: “Mem, when we look back at the quality of child-care for babies at this time in our history, with the terrible ratios of carers-to-children we currently have, people are going ask us how we allowed such child abuse to happen.”

I knew she was right. As an advocate for excellence in early childhood policies and as a literacy academic and consultant, I’ve found myself over the years at conferences and conventions around the world, listening to the real experts: the pediatricians, social workers, educators, speech pathologists and child psychologists speaking on the detrimental effects of full-time child care for the very young, especially in the first months of life.

So although I’m not the primary source of this information, I have heard it myself from the mouths of eminent people who have enlightened me and frightened me.

I’ve heard them speak about worldwide research over the last 50 years on parent-child bonding; and worldwide research in the last 10 years on brain development, both of which point to huge and worrisome issues for babies in full-time care.

The problem stems from an insufficient number of carers per baby, and to the fact that babies can’t even bond with their carers since the young over-worked carers themselves, who are doing their utmost, move on so often. They are undervalued by low pay.

And they feel helpless and sad about not being able to do the best for the children in their care.

So I decided, somewhat crazily as it turns out, to speak up for the babies since they cannot speak up for themselves.

Someone, somewhere, had to defend them since they are defenceless.

It was at this point that I was misunderstood.

At no time did I say a word against child care in general, let alone well-resourced, good child care; or part-time care for any child; or care by family members, or friends.

In the end, astoundingly, 98 per cent of the huge number of messages I’ve received from parents, professional organisations and child-care workers themselves have been overwhelmingly positive, full of heartfelt thanks and praise for my guts, my balls, my courage, and for saying it like it is.

I honestly thought I was going out on a limb.

Instead I’m relieved and thrilled to find myself in a forest of agreement.

One of the loveliest of these affirmations was from a Swedish pre-school teacher who told me that children in Sweden are not encouraged into long-day child care until they can toddle or walk, so that if they want to, they can literally walk away from any situation that distresses them.

Among the anti-brigade, there are a few groups who are so angry they’re planning a mass public destruction of my books in two states. I don’t mind at all, but is it fair to punish the children? Is that child care?

I understand their reaction.

It’s quite normal for us, when were threatened by an inconvenient truth, to react with rage, then denial, and then ridicule of the person who relayed the news. Eventually acceptance follows.

I have absolutely no choice but to take it all on the chin. I was the foolhardy messenger.

But please don’t shoot the messenger.

For the sake of this country’s babies — their future and ours — could we all now focus on the message instead?

I’ll be making no further comment on this issue.

Talk to the real experts next time and see what happens.

Mem Fox is an author of children’s picture books, including Possum Magic.

Source: Melbourne Herald Sun, Australia
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24301238-5000117,00.html