I’ve taught a fifth-grade Sunday school class for years, and my kids mostly seem to like me. That’s so, I suspect, mostly because rarely am I smarter or more mature than a fifth-grader. Invariably, likability breeds the threat of hugs.

Yes, threat. Should a little angel with outstretched arms come my way, two scenarios may unreel:

OK. I’m exaggerating. I just walk very fast. Sad as it is, in many folks’ minds, the mere mention of male mentors triggers an Amber Alert. And this air of suspicion has benched some men who in years past had stepped in to mentor kids with absent or disengaged dads.

Still, University of Florida sociologist William Marsiglio says there are men investing in kids and communities. It’s the subject of his new book, Men on a Mission: Valuing Youth Work in Our Communities.

“Men who clearly exploit kids are out there, and we need to be concerned about them,” he says, “but there are thousands and millions of men interested in and capable of . . . creating this cultural narrative that kids are important and men have as much responsibility in helping this generation as women.”

For his book, Marsiglio interviewed 55 men who served as coaches, schoolteachers, youth ministers, camp counselors, Scout leaders and volunteers with programs such as Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.

Their backgrounds and pursuits were diverse, but their motivation largely was the same:

“They wanted them [youths] to embrace this gift of giving so it didn’t stop,” Marsiglio says.

That proved more important than worrying about dirty looks and whispers. Not that the men didn’t feel the glare.

“Some were annoyed,” Marsiglio says, “but most understood, though felt strapped by it.”

Many never shook hands with kids. Some stuffed their hands in their pockets or held items to dissuade kids from reaching out.

I won’t mourn the demise of the dubious congratulatory swat on the butt some coaches deliver to young athletes. But these days, the no-touching rules in youth sports can even be interpreted to extend to high-fives.

Marsiglio agrees that the pendulum has swung too far. And it’s robbing kids of encouragement a pat on the back conveys.

“Putting your hand on a kid’s shoulder, high-fives . . . can be a very empowering experience that reinforces the positive connection that men have with kids,” he says.

No easy answers exist to counter the media-hyped notion that Americans face a predator around every corner, he says. But he says the solution probably is anchored in common sense.

“Giving a kid a side-hug with 10 other folks around should raise fewer flags than something that might be done in private,” he says.

The National Fatherhood Initiative soon will reveal a new study that explores the collateral damage of a father’s absence and puts the annual public costs of it to the federal government at $100 billion.

Male mentoring, though not a panacea, long has stood in the gap. I doubt that even Uncle Sam’s deep pockets can afford the cost our communities will pay if the prevailing climate continues to force stand-up men to sit down.

Source: Orlando Sentinel, FL
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/orl-owens0708jun07,0,4787136.column