Must we continue to perceive a woman’s choice of career over motherhood as the ultimate sacrifice?

Minister for Health and Children Mary Harney has gone on record – it’s hard to avoid the political language – saying that she might not have made a life in politics had she married and had babies in her youth.

While her mates were out pairing up and hitching up, she was, she says, ‘going to Cumann meetings.’

At 54, decisions made 30 years ago have set in stone, and there is ample time for second guessing, and regret.

What is most frustrating about Ms Harney’s statement is the implicit belief that she couldn’t have been both mother and politician. Unfortunately, she is probably right. How many mums go into the office in a panic because the wee ones are feeling poorly?

How many feel they are taking their lives in their hands, should they ask for time off for a school fete or play? How is it that the working world has not made the necessary adjustments to suit working mums? Why are women still being punished for wanting it all?

It may be the inherent arrogance in that phrase that keeps women on the low end of the pay scale, the promotions ladder, and the esteem of employers.

A better phrase would be ‘managing it all’ – because if anyone can manage everything, be it scheduling, shopping, nurturing, time and space, it’s a working mother.

Which begs the question: where’s dad? The families in which Papa Bear figures as highly in the physical and emotional management of the clan are few and far between – and in fairness, it’s not for lack of Mama Bear trying to delegate, nor for the man of the house trying to participate. It’s society itself that’s not allowing this shift to take place.

Sneery comments about Mr Mom still have common currency.

The disparity in pay between male and female employees sends the message of who is valued and who is not, loud and clear.

ROLE

The result is often the woman throwing up her hands and settling into the role that the world at large prefers its women to take up: that of stay-at-home mum, minding the hearth, and producing progeny.

This is not going to turn into a diatribe against those who choose to make raising their families their primary concern. In fact, it’s the pitting of Professional Mum against Mum the Professional that turns this topic into an emotional minefield.

It’s as if there is only one choice in the world for women – children or career – a dilemma that I certainly thought we’d left far behind.

Could it be possible that it is motherhood that is the ultimate sacrifice? Maybe that’s what is so terrifying to those who would keep the gals barefoot and pregnant with their feet under the sink.

Should women start choosing not to bear the brunt of childrearing and home-making with a clear conscience, who knows what might happen?

The world population might reach manageable levels. Some of the aspects of femininity that have long been reviled in the workplace – compassion, peaceful negotiation, flexibility – would become the norm.

Perhaps men would be able to choose to remain at home, without the attendant scorn. God help us if the world became a more accommodating place to live in.

Happy are those who can look back on their lives without regret. Harney’s choice led her to a life in a high profile position.

Whatever you think of her politics or her performance, she has achieved an extraordinary amount for a woman in a sphere that requires far more representation of the female of the species in its hallowed halls.

If that choice is now the subject of sentimental retrospect, well, sure, she’s only human.

REGRET

The notion, though, that women still have to choose one life course, and then regret it or apologise for it for the rest of their lives, is tiresome and time wasting.

There’s more than one way to be a parent as well – perhaps Ms Harney might investigate the numerous options available to those who would like to help young folk, such as the Big Brother/Big Sister mentoring programme.

There are plenty of kids out there who need a helping hand, whether one has birthed them or not, and plenty who might benefit from a woman who has had a life quite different from the common run of things.

Source: Irish Independent, Ireland
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