(…) “Four boys are diagnosed as emotionally disturbed to every one girl,” says Michael Gurian, a psychotherapist and author of the The Wonder of Boys. Adolescent boys are four times more likely than girls to commit suicide.
Boys bear brunt of absent father
Little girls doubtless miss absent or indifferent fathers profoundly too, but the weight of growing up fatherless weighs most heavily on the male child. In most cases, girls will at least be constantly exposed to female role models and have little difficulty developing a clear idea of what it means to be a woman.
Until about 150 years ago, dads weren’t distant. Most men worked at or near home and were expected to participate in their children’s’ upbringing. Professional educators of boys were also nearly always male, and the social environment boys inhabited was predominantly masculine. It’s still that way in most of the world’s surviving traditional cultures, where boys tend to spend lots of time with their fathers and with other adult male role models, and are nurtured into manhood surrounded by positive male energy.
In the West, the Industrial Revolution demolished traditional family dynamics. The domestic sphere became feminized, with fathers, increasingly absent from the home, becoming marginalized as parents.
In postmodern culture, men receive the message that they’re not really trusted in parenting, and that their role in family life beyond biological necessity and financial support is largely disposable.
Mothers are assumed to be the primary parent by educators, social agencies, the courts, and society at large, with fathers taking a subsidiary role - if any role at all.
Anyone who imagines you can develop fully formed men without exposing them to bona-fide maleness is deluded. Boys who grow up in a predominantly feminine environment risk low self-esteem, excessive and unhealthy dependence on females, emotional immaturity, and rigidity.
Men suffer dysfunctional culture
Even when mothers or other female care-givers proceed with the best of will and intent, as poet and author Robert Bly observed: “Women can change an embryo into a boy, but only men can change the boy into a man.” Only men can confer a sense of soul-union with other men. Only men can understand and truly empathize with the particular fears, anger, sadness, and sometimes despair that are part and parcel of being male, although in our present dysfunctional culture, men too often fail each other miserably.
Men are better equipped to teach children that life in the real world makes stiff demands and often deals harsh consequences. Male parental approval is more qualified than mother-love. Fathers tend to discipline more by rules than by emotion. Our society’s general drift toward collectively seeking emotionally satisfying, rather than logical and analytical, solutions to problems reflects the declining influence of male parenting and masculine cultural values. Daughters also suffer from paternal ineffectualism. According to research cited by Time magazine, kids whose fathers actively participate in their early development tend to have higher IQs, get higher marks in school, and possess a better sense of humour.
Most of all, kids need fathers they can trust to be there for them; fathers who are comfortable and confident in their masculinity, without the compulsive insecurities about their role that lead to the darker, dysfunctional side of male energy becoming dominant.
Consequently, it’s encouraging to hear that the importance of fatherhood is beginning to be acknowledged again in academic circles. (…)
Source: The Daily News, Canada
http://www.hfxnews.ca/index.cfm?sid=97710&sc=93