The issue is not whether spanking children should be illegal; a recently proposed measure in Massachusetts bans parents from spanking their own children. Rather, the question is: what are the options for today’s parents and how can we help parents learn and use discipline techniques other than spanking to get children to behave and be respectful?

Have you ever heard the expression “we parent the way we were parented?” To some extent, this is true. However, through many years of working with parents, I have come to believe that we are more likely to use the way we were parented as a measuring stick, barometer, or baseline and not as a rigid template.

Some parents want to recreate their own childhoods for their children; others want to run away from those memories as fast as they can. And still others want some of what was good and want to let go of what was not. (…)

Parents are in desperate need of new techniques and strategies to curb the widespread disrespect that is running through our homes, schools and communities. Moms, dads, grandparents and other child caregivers are crying out for help to create a home life free of yelling and spanking but they do not know what to do. (…)

Parents, it’s not your fault and here’s why. Not too many years ago it was socially acceptable to spank, yell and use harsh punishment with children. Many parents grew up with the threat of “a spanking” or “wait until your father gets home.” For most of us, this was enough to keep us in line.

We have learned that threatening and not following through hurts our authority and credibility. Children will take that as an invitation to act out even more. Some of us were spanked and have vowed never to spank because we now know that these child-rearing methods can be emotionally and physically damaging to children…

There is something that you can do and without yelling, threatening, spanking or expending a lot of energy. However, it does take consistency and a poker face. This is what to do. Every time the child engages in one of these negative behaviors — talking back, rolling eyes, walking away — the parent must block this without becoming emotional. Simply stating what is expected is a great place to start. You say to your son or daughter as robotic as you can muster, they must not see you angered; instead you must appear in control and firm:

• “Do not speak to me that way.”

• “Do not interrupt me.”

• “Do not make that face.”

• “Don’t roll your eyes.”

• “Please look at me when I speak to you.”

Keep repeating these brief commands until the behavior stops. Letting disrespect slide even once is a permission slip for children to do it again and again.

Parents, stop trying so hard. Lose the spanking, yelling and lectures for disrespectful behavior. Start telling your children what you expect. You’ll be surprised with the results. Pick a day when you are rested and can be on 100 percent and start saying what you expect from your kids and command the respect that you deserve.

Source: TheDay, CT
http://www.theday.com/re.aspx?re=f4685a51-7826-404f-9ee3-65c0ac2b648b