How to Raise an Only Child: Myths and Truths
You have to wonder why, when the U.S. Census reports that the single child family is the fastest growing family unit, people tell parents with only one child that they really should have another. Those proponents of large or larger families claim your only child will be spoiled, lonely, or selfish.
These social stereotypes and others date back to the 1890s and have no basis, in fact – one could question if they ever did. It is parenting style more than the number of siblings that influences how an only child—or any child for that matter—turns out…
Myth: Only children are aggressive and bossy.
Fact: Only children learn quickly that attempting to run the show, a ploy that they may get away with at home, doesn’t work with friends and a bossy, aggressive attitude is a quick ticket to ostracism from the group. Lacking siblings, only children want to be included and well liked.
Myth: Only children prefer more solitary, non-competitive amusements because they are alone a great deal of the time.
Fact: This preference has more to do with social class than family size. The interests in these amusements stem from parental values and the home environment of middle- and upper-middle class families, which are more likely to have a single child…
Myth: Only children are spoiled.
Fact: Being spoiled is a reflection of our society. The Chinese feared they were raising a generation of “little emperors” when their only child policy was in effect. Looking back 20 years later they found the only children were not particularly spoiled and found no difference in only children’s relationships with friends when studied with children who had siblings.
Myth: Only children are selfish.
Fact: Every child at one time or another believes the world revolves around him…
Myth: Only children must have their way.
Fact: Children with siblings often have more “who’s the boss” difficulties because they are constantly forced to share toys, television times, and parents…
Myth: Only children are dependent.
Fact: Because of adult guidance and lack of siblings to lean on, only children are more self-reliant and independent than those who have brothers and sisters to fend for them.
Myth: Only children become too mature too quickly.
Fact: Children with siblings relate and talk to their siblings rather than their parents. The only child’s primary role models are parents. The result is that only children copy adult behavior as well as adult speech patterns and develop good reasoning skills early on making them better equipped to handle the ups and downs of growing up. A good thing, for sure…
Source: Modern Mom, CA
http://www.modernmom.com/content/2875/2/
February 18th, 2008 at 9:22 AM
I have a single child who is 11 years old. Your article is very heartening for people like me. My daughter is a little immature for her age inspite of all our efforts to get her to reason out things before she speaks. People tell us that this behaviour is because she is an only child. I feel certain behavioural aspects are inborn and it is not dependent on whether the child is single or has a sibling. But what we find is her tendency to get bored very easily and move to watch television or keep reading aimlessly.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:46 AM
this article is indeed heartening.
i am the mum of a 5 y.o. boy.
i left my career of optometrist to raise him.
he was never placed in preschool or daycare,so he had a hard time adjusting at school but he is ok now.He does tend to watch tv a lot,however he is also an incredible reader,highest level of reading and comprehension for his kindergarten year.
I am also the firstborn of seven kids and i can reassure you that as siblings,WE NEVER PLAYED MUCH WITH EACH OTHER OR EACH OTHER’S FRIENDS.
now as older siblings,we hardly visit each other.
What I do see is that my son is the most caring in his classroom,if any other child is distressed,he quickly consoles his friends WHEREAS the other children are very mean.
also he is just about to go back to kindy term 3 and he is feeling very sad about certain kids not wanting to play with him.
How should i handle this.
i do regret not having at least another child,because lately i think he is very lonely.