You can get into trouble when you discipline other people’s children.

It was a lovely day at the park and Stella Bianchi was enjoying the sunshine with her two children when a young boy, aged about four, approached her two-year-old son and pushed him to the ground.

“I’d watched him for a little while and my son was the fourth or fifth child he’d shoved,” she says. “I went over to them, picked up my son, turned to the boy and said, firmly, ‘No, we don’t push.’ ” What happened next was unexpected.

“The boy’s mother ran toward me from across the park,” Stella says. “I thought she was coming over to apologise but instead she started shouting at me for ‘disciplining her child’. All I did was let him know his behaviour was unacceptable. Was I supposed to sit back while her kid did whatever he wanted, hurting other children in the process?”

Getting your own children to play nice is difficult enough. Dealing with other people’s children - nieces, nephews, friends, strangers - has become a minefield. It’s a no-brainer that if the behaviour in question is unsafe or cruel, then stepping in is essential (even if you can’t expect a pat on the back from other parents) - but it’s not always that straightforward.

In my house, jumping on the sofa is not allowed. In my sister’s house it’s encouraged. For me, it’s about learning to respect your surroundings. For her, it’s about kids being kids: “If you can’t do it at three, when can you do it?”

Each of these philosophies is valid and, it has to be said, my son loves visiting his aunt’s house. But I find myself saying “no” a lot when her kids are over at mine. That’s OK when it’s a sister who understands her uptight sibling but becomes dicey territory when you’re talking to the children of friends or acquaintances…

Source: Sydney Morning Herald, Australia
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