There seems to be confusion these days regarding the relationship between children’s self-esteem and their basic competence. I think that self-esteem has two basic components: doing well - possessing the basic skills to navigate successfully through life, and feeling good about one’s self - and having confidence in possessing skills that make us feel valuable and worthy.

I wonder if the “feeling good” half of the equation has overshadowed the “doing well” part for many parents. You see, I don’t believe that it’s possible for a person to truly feel good without first doing well. Self-esteem is the result of being competent, not why people feel competent. In other words, skill mastery is what builds self-esteem. Children who learn that they can be successful in the tasks of everyday life - at home, in school and community, and in relationships with others - feel good about themselves.

Dr. Diane Ehrensaft, the author of Spoiling Childhood, has observed a rise in the number of children whose parents, in making a huge fuss over their every accomplishment, caused the children to think that they were better at tasks than they actually were. Needless to say, when the reality of their abilities were made known to them, these kids became anxious and overwhelmed. Others saw through the parents well-intentioned but over-done praise and were unsure of the true level of their talents. They learned they couldn’t trust their parents for a realistic appraisal of their abilities. They didn’t know what they could do well and what they couldn’t…

Source: Bradenton Herald, United States
http://www.bradenton.com/health/story/146015.html