The self-esteem movement of the ’80s and ’90s, when children were praised for everything from their poops to their projects, also contributed to a sense of entitlement, says Stanford developmental psychologist Carol Dweck. ”In its extreme, we got into this pattern of praising and giving to children without any particular effort on their part. It led to a ‘I’m a special person, money should just come to me’ mentality.”

Drabman’s advice to parents is unequivocal: “Allowance should be contingent on work. You want to teach kids that there is a relationship between work and money, and you want to implant that lesson starting when they are young, 4 or 5.” He recommends starting with small chores, such as setting and clearing the table. “You don’t make it into a power struggle. They do the chores, they get the money. No chores, no money.” …

“Too many parents set up a system of allowance and chores and then have no consequences for when the chores don’t get done. They end up doing the chore themselves, or they take pity and shell out the allowance anyway. That’s permissive, indulgent parenting at its worst, and it creates the highest level of entitlement,” says Dweck…

In other situations where allowance is tied to chores, instead of learning the lesson parents hope for — that work leads to reward — children’s take-home is that everything has a price. “It can create a dynamic where they won’t do anything unless they are paid for it,” Dweck says.

Her solution is a no-strings allowance with an expectation that children will do specified chores as their contribution to the family’s well-being. If chores don’t get done in the anticipated time or fashion, the allowance isn’t affected, but some privilege is…

Source: Times Argus
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