You tell them they are beautiful, talented and special - and they believe it. But in the long term, compliments and encouragements could be damaging your children. Researchers in the United States claim telling children they are special too often is creating a “self-centred” generation, who are more likely to grow up into narcissistic people who suffer failed relationships, lack emotional warmth, react violently to criticism, lack empathy and commit infidelities…

Children nowadays were more self-centred than previous generations and blamed it on the rise of the “self-esteem movement” in the 1980s when its importance was championed by parents and child-carers, the researchers said…

Professor Twenge, author of the book Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled–and More Miserable Than Ever Before, said it was time to stop telling kids “they are special” or that they can do or be anything and instead help them set more realistic goals in life.

But the consequences of the other extreme - not enough praise, appreciation and encouragement - can be equally, if not more, damaging. Research says people with low self-esteem are more at risk of destructive behaviour including alcohol and drug abuse, violence and crime.

According to Hong Kong mother and author Shirley Yuen, children with low self-esteem will lack the self-confidence they need to succeed in life.

“They will either turn out to be timid and fearful because they think that they are not good enough to survive in this world, or they will be self-centred and arrogant because they want to cover their fear by barking around,”she said.

Yuen, the author of The Three Virtues of Effective Parenting: Lessons from Confucius on the Power of Benevolence, Wisdom, and Courage, believes that a narcissistic generation as outlined by the US researchers is not something Asians particularly Hong Kong Chinese have to worry about. Instead, she says in general the opposite is true with many parents suppressing a child’s self-esteem development.

“They do this for three reasons,” said Yuen. “First, they are afraid that if they allow themselves to build the self-esteem of their children, their children will have ‘a mind of their own’, which will intimidate their authority as parents.

“Second, they are afraid that once a child has high self-esteem, he or she will not be ‘humble,’ which according to Chinese culture is an important virtue. Thirdly, Chinese parents tend to focus much more on the ‘negative’ side of their children than their ‘positive’ side.” …

Shirley Yuen says the key is teaching children benevolence and to see the world from other perspectives. Professor Twenge agrees, saying building “empty self-esteem and narcissism” lacking in empathy is the problem…

Source: EARTHtimes.org
http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/55954.html